Come Elections, you get to see Oscar nominating and Golden Globe winning performances from politicians across the spectrum, every politician tries to make a mark and attempt to take as much limelight as possible especially the debutants or the novices, in this entertainment industry, my bad, politics. Well, it gets even more entertaining than money churning premier leagues of cricket and boredom churning premier leagues of badminton, hockey, kabbadi, hide-seek and regret-to-watch-even-once commercial films which rake in Rs. 100 crores only because of great songs and good marketing, during election season, which happens to fall just a month before the scorching summers of our country (that reminds of my promise to my family every summer to buy an Air-conditioner). So these novices are the ones who blurt out the most horrendously ridiculous statements about their opponents. This Election season is no different. Politicians are not leaving any stone unturned in raking up any issue whatsoever related to super-personal or private or public lives of their opponents.
Mr. N.M. with a chest size- 56 inches, is the biggest contender to be the next Prime Dictator of our country, I mean, Prime Minister, followed by Mr. R.G. and some enthu –cutlets of regional parties like the rulers of U.P. or the marginalized of U.P. or the elder sisters of W.B. or the actresses of T.N., who like to call themselves, third front. We don’t really know R.G.’s chest size but we know one thing about him, his only agenda is to empower the fairer sex which he manifested recently by ordering or imploring (you know what I mean) the current Prime Minister to increase the subsidy cum bait on gas cylinders. How can we ignore Mr. A.K. (my personal favorite) who recently bought 2 shirts and a pair of trousers for Rs. 1200 so soon after he had bought a brand new red sweater in January and this breaking news was broadcasted by a few 24/7 manipulated news channels for a day or two, some even went a step further and organized debates of eminently idle or idly eminent panelists on it.
The debate or the monologue, no, only the monologue by the anchors representing the entire nation and asking questions on our behalf, of various news-channels have become a great past-time in the evening, nowadays. The moment any politician says or does something controversial voluntarily or only voluntarily like, “ all N.M. haters should go and live in our dearly neighboring country” whose people are always living on the edge, they make the best firefighters and cops since they are always on duty, or like calling names “ Son-in-law and Prince” or like “threatening to chop N.M. into pieces with a kitchen knife” or like “hitting A.K. or throwing ink on him for the 57th time by the allegedly miffed AAP supporters”, or like anything to do with the everlasting, most favorite topics in debates and group discussions on communalism/secularism, these news-channels show them as breaking news repeatedly.
I have not been able to fathom one thing though and that is when these political parties are spending thousands of crores of rupees financed by corporates or their own savings by the grace of bribes, on advertisements, item songs starring their P.M. candidates, promotions, paid blogging, distribution of alcohol and money, posters, even in the public toilets, so how are they going to earn profit on their capital or break even?