Matter of time

It does not matter why she said no, or to whom she said yes, what matters is that you have to breathe now and not choke yourself in disappointment. It is hard, I know, it pains to imagine how different life could have been and to realize that it is not going to be the same again. I understand that you never had plan B because you were in so much love with plan A that you thought that it will be a betrayal to even think about plan B. I can feel when you say that you can not think rather you do not want to think to what will happen now. I believe you when you say that you can not understand the motive of life. But you must also believe me when I say that it is only a matter of time.

MICA is the love of my life and she just said no. She said it so humbly that I didn’t have the courage to ask her to reconsider her decision. She said it softly enough to make my heart hear it and numb my brain. With a single click, my love says that I deserve some one better and she does not doubt my capability. Yes, that is what she says, she can not see my tears because they are not visible. She can not see my agony, the love and the respect I have for her. She has chosen her bloke, but I can not comment on that as I am no longer attached to it. In a second she has broken all the relations with me which we cultivated together. We exchanged mails, got to know each other, developed a bond which was stronger than friendship. I told so much about myself, so much to her as if she was my family. Probably the love was one sided, but I know that it was true and even she can’t contend that. There are no tests which can measure my love for her, not even MICAT. I loved her and I am devastated but I believe that it’s just a matter of time.

Some one else has proposed me, and I have accepted it. I am not betraying anybody. I won’t be spoiling two lives. I will love her as much as I loved MICA. She does not know about MICA, but still she promises me to give me the same what I seeked from MICA. So, when I tell you that I do understand the emptiness and hollowness of the meaningless life, you must know that I am not lying. It would have been a dream life had my true love accepted me, it would be a blessing, but the reality is that “would” is not used in present tense, not even in future tense, it is probable tense.

The reality is that this time I will love whoever loves me back. That is what I have learned. I realize that even “best” is a relative term. For me the one who loves me is the best and if not then by loving her with full honesty I will make her the best. The thing is…it is only a matter of time, so, breathe and find who loves you and love her back.

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