DO I ….. I DO!!

After having a terrible stint at IFMR’s PI , waiting for 3 odd hours for getting back home and then reaching 4 hours after the scheduled time and getting rejected by MICA though politely, the frustration and disappointment levels are at its peak. The only ray of hope I was clinging too, suddenly has made me enter in a room full of darkness, nervousness where I am completely clueless and hopeless.

Today when I was having my super strong coffee (wanted myself to stuff things with because of the tension growing around), I just walked by the whole day events that took place. Even though after having a bad interview, me and my bestie ate chocolates to our heart’s content. We laughed and mocked about being at home for our entire lives and then ordered food to satisfy our taste buds. In between that we watched Veer Zaara , letting our tears rolling down when Veer and Zaara come back to their country and then we enjoyed “The Accidental Husband” wishing them to get back together when we thought movie is going to end and praying for their love. While watching this, a movie scene made me think about what happens in our lives. In the movie, when the girl meets her would be husband for dinner (having the liking for someone else) , the wedding bands have I DO I DO I DO carved on it but she reads as DO I DO I DO I because she has started liking someone else and he is on her mind all the time. This made me think that in the end we see what we really want to see and want to happen in the end, not what someone else wants us to see.

Its all about what we aspire for, we relate everything happening around us to it. What we want to see purely depends upon our positive outlook, what are we longing for etc. Taking my example only, I am disheartened with my results and I don’t see any future for myself because I have lost the courage to score or work for it but when I speak to mum, dodo or friends, they try to show me a different side as what can be done apart from sulking. Though I am just seeing that I have no future, I have people around to motivate me or help me with my dilemma. I know the end decision is mine which I’ll be making by analyzing all the possible outcomes. Yes, I’ll be adamant about my view because that is what I can count for as mine but we need to take our chances too.

Another example of what you see is something your soul wants you to see is, having standing at the station for 3 long hours for the train and then rushing up to acquire a seat, all this made me terribly tired and low. Their was this Muslim family sitting in front of me. They had a daughter of around 14-15 years wearing a burqa. If she had to eat something or drink, she used to slide it under her veil and then relish it. Being 23 something, I never had to experience it and probably never will. I felt bad for her as being so young and not able to enjoy like me, she was living with it. She seemed happy with all this as she has accepted this as part of her life and the way she was addressing her dad ( Abbu aap humme yahan baithne de) the “tehjeeb” and the sweet tone with which she uttered those words made me smile and think If I talk the same way with my dad, probably he will laugh it out loud or go to mum and say (aaj iske khaane mai kia dia tha). This outlook of me not liking the way she is living and she being happy with her life was something that makes me wonder at times. What we don’t like around us , people are living with it. If I see a glass as half empty, it might be half full for someone .

Life is all about our perception about it. Though we do get disheartened about our results because we literally start dreaming about it , we literally imagine us living those hostel lives, having a sutta with buddies, or late night chai during presentation or in all just the feel to study MBA, but we have to realize not everyday is our day, not every try is out try. Yes we have lots on stake, our jobs, wedding, family expectations, girlfriends/boyfriends etc and also we expect a lot from ourselves too but we need to sit back at times and let the life take it own course. Give time some time, I know patience levels are super low at this hour, all it takes is one last chance, because while working for this last chance, you are surely going to discover something you are worthy of or will achieve success in what you trying for with all your heart. I am trying to be strong and face all this again, hoping that it will surely end me up between stars or I’ll prefer hitting the ground like an asteroid and enjoy that amazing walk of life too.

Waiting for the light at the tunnel’s end,

With no crosses and zero bends;

Wishing for everything to be alright,

Keeping myself warm, close and uptight!!

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