Dried tears on my cheek irked me. I opened my eyes. I got out of my bed hastily. My head pounded. I hoped that everything was just a dream. And that its 21st again and Sammy is safe and fine. I could not gather if it was a dream or if its real that I may not see Sammy ever again. I sat down on the floor. Held my knees close to me tight, repeating to myself, praying rather that he was alive and he would be here any moment. He would hold me, scoop me in his beautiful manly arms and I would just watch his perfect face all my life. “He just can’t die on me!”, I said through gritted teeth. It was unfair.
I tried hard to remember the last time we were together. It was short. We did not even talk much. I just helped him pack. And he kept telling me to work on quant and not to miss the application deadlines.I made faces at him and he held my face just then. I saw it in his eyes. He just held me that way and said, “Take care of yourself, for me, okay?” He always took care of me. I nodded. “You too, be safe and come back soon because if you don’t I am gonna ditch you and get myself a non-military-domain-boyfriend.”, I wriggled out of his huge arms,mocking him.
He laughed with me. “Oh!I am gonna come back soon and you’re gonna have to make it up to me when I come back, but until then stay sane and study, okay?”.
I nodded as I slid into his arms again. “Don’t think I am gonna miss you….Okay Sourpuss!.. Strike that, I am going to miss you so much.”, I said rolling my eyes at him. He hugged me tight as he laughed, his laughter ringing in my ears. Everything about him was beautiful. I hugged him too. He kissed my forehead and we said our good-byes.It was not a sad good-bye. It was a hopeful good-bye. Tears rolled down my cheek. It was painful to think about him.
I had never met his family. He always spoke about them. He had a little sister. She was my age. I had no plans to see them soon. Family scares me. He knew that. He never even asked me to. He knew my dad. They always had the long talks-the paranoid military talks, I used to call it.
I was shivering. It was not the cold. It was me, unable to contain myself and exhausted of my helplessness. I checked my phone. No calls. I asked Alex for a detour, just to know. I was hopeful. And praying.
The day passed. I was on the floor-waiting to hear from him. The pain was seeping through. The happy memories would come by and leave with a scorching pain.