5 Future Ideas for your Favorite Mall

Dude, there is a new place in town, its Amazing.

Really, its amazing, are you sure? Is it India’s first strip club & now people have one less reason to visit Amsterdam?

No Man, that will also be only amazing because there is nothing beyond amazing that you can call a place, but this place is truly exceptional. It serves beer in a new kind of Mug which does not change the taste of the beer one bit, but isn’t that amazing, the Mug part. A must visit I say.

Wow, I will leave everything including my weekly big bazaar trips, and make it my life agenda to have the same beer I have been having for years, but in that new Mug.

Way to go bro. Meanwhile, I hunt for other amazing places that entrepreneurs could be thinking in their head to open up.

How the hell did we go so wrong in society?

We seem to need a new school with tagline – Dare to think beyond Malls

Since Arindhum Chaudhary is relatively free these days after IIPM got defamed for being IIPM, he may consider an ethical way to lead the rest of his meaningless life.

Strongly recommended he comes without pony this time. Going by Bollywood logic & Shahrukh Khan in Rab Ne Bana Di Jodi, nobody can recognize you if the same person makes a come back with a new hair style & bright yellow pants.

In fact, it got me thinking that Modi could have tried this trick after 2002, but then he did not do anything in 2002, eventually doing the most. #LastModiJokeResultsOutNextWeek

Now that its evident that our weekday jobs will continue to rip our asses enough for us to visit crazy places over the weekend, I predict 5 activities that we may see in future. Do visit your nearest mall for updates before commenting:

Horse Riding : Just because todays’ kids can’t think beyond malls & Mcdonalds, does that imply that they should miss out on activities which hitherto have been restricted to Hill Stations? Its our duty as fucked up lame elders to bring every worthy experience close to their walking distance even if by doing so, the experience loses its original sheen, but who is to know the original sheen anyway.

Would be such a lovely FB status : Just Checked onto Victoria horse, Feeling Bumpy

Mall Gliders : Never been able to digest peoples’ quench to see the “Top View” of everything from Glaciers to Lakes to Girls. Probably to come back and talk obvious stuff like – ‘Bro, You could see everything from the Top’ OR ‘View from the top was complete 180 degrees man!’

There are many things money can buy including the top view of the mall in a toy glider. What are you waiting for? Come out in your pajamas and experience malls like never before.

You got to feel for the fat aunties who cannot afford to trek and experience the feel of reaching a real summit. After a long hard day at the Parlor, least we can do is provide a vaguely similar experience before they head for their weekly Thali experience at Haldiram.

Have you noticed, there are no products anymore, everything is a divine experience.

Swimming Pool : Honestly, Its surprising why have not anyone thought about it yet. Every summer people think about joining the nearest swimming pool to lose the excess weight they gain every winter.

Now its time that we think for them, truly understand their crazy busy life, and spoon feed everything. In fact, a day will come when we will make everyone an entrepreneur. Since they don’t really have the time, we will do it for them.

Besides, I can’t wait to see hairy Indian men who could not make it to the Axe Boat party playing with their wives in Salwaar Kameez while pool manager unsuccessfully complain:

“Sir, You can’t go in the pool in your underwear”

“Tu Janata hai mera baap kaun hai?”

“No, Sir”

*Leaves quietly*

Mock War Zones : “Why Playstation when you can shoot in person?” – says the tagline.

Two teams dressed like moronic soldiers, faces decked up with that brown soldier paste, fake guns blazing, mindless running around in fake mud (can’t be real mud, dealing with South Delhi people here).Sounds like a perfect Saturday night craziness.

Sundays will be well spent discussing who had the funniest war strategy over a couple of Budweiser. I think this should meet the completely lose yourself benchmark people set for themselves before every weekend.

India TV may allege it for instigating communal voilence in the city, but its India TV, nobody will believe.

Kids Rent Out Service : It sounds evil, but we are talking of times when practicality has far taken over lame stuff like good vs evil. To give you more perspective, imagine a time when US has actually been attacked by Aliens, & Robert Downey Jr is found hiding in his basement embarrassing all superheroes forever.

I get it. How much can parents really manage? Already there is the Job, the House, the society, the vacations, the dreams, & now the cuteless kid

Here is how it works – Kids stay at the mall for all of weekdays, come home for the weekend. In about 2 days, cuteness will be favorably surpassed by stubbornness and irritation, which is when they leave back for the mall. I have got the whole plan worked out, but I will let you digest the idea before I submit my wholesome business plan.

Stop reading, its a weekend, your Mall must be dying to see you.

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