Hard work is for Wimps. Laziness is god’s greatest gift to mankind. Being lazy is not the important thing, any bum can do it. The important thing is getting away with it. That’s easier said than done. Infact hardly working is most of the times more work than working hard.
Then why do it? Because inside every one of us is a fat lazy cat(except for people who eat cats, inside them is a dead fat lazy cat) and nothing compares to the satisfaction of slacking-off in office when you are supposed to be working your ass off(Except sex, but that’s not the point here)
But like I said, it’s not easy. For starters you need to keep your job because you need a job to make money and you need a job so that you can bitch about your job. You need to take careful precautions if you don’t want to be found out as a lazy slob and get kicked out. You need to look like you’re doing something most, if not all, of the time. Staring at the computer while mentally undressing the hot lingerie model you saw last night on F-TV should work if your job involves computers.
Start by finding a document that can cover your ass in case you’re ever found out. It better not be a movie script or your resume. It can be any project document, take a print and leaf through it the whole day. The subconscious mind can easily take up the job of leafing through the document and you are free to mentally harass the lingerie model. This works even in meetings but I strongly suggest that in meetings you be the most proactive member.
In office meetings, you need to look like you’re enthusiastic about giving your 101% to the company. Take every chance to ask questions and better yet offer suggestions. Repeat some important sounding quote of your boss and ask him for further clarifications so that you can do a value-add. Be careful though, you shouldn’t overdo it. Most of the times,bosses tend to talk out of there ass. An overdose of enthusiasm can lead to you becoming his unofficial (More work, same pay) deputy and you don’t want that. Suggest “Process Improvement” but act like you’re not experienced enough to do it yourself. The boss wouldn’t want a great initiative ruined by your inexperience and will not offer you the position of leading that “Task-Force”.
Nothing good ever comes out of being a leader,for one thing it’s Hard Work.So you must avoid the leader-ship like it’s the titanic with a retarded chimpanzee as its captain.
If you do this right you’ll be set for years of sloth and consequently regain your happiness. Your incompetence will go unpunished if not unnoticed.(As long as you don’t call your boss a blubber-butt or spit in his mouth)