Tons of reviews read on PagalGuy and more than 82 events hosted and yet I was nervous. Tomorrow was “it”. It was the day I quit my job for. It was the day I wrote 8 competitive exams for. Good “acads”, decent extracurriculars. As PG experts would have said, the soccer and the hosting would give me the boost required to crack it. But would it?
My alarm rang, but I was hardly asleep. I woke up and saw the date. I felt a rush. A strange rush. My heart was beating twice the normal rate and yet my brain would say everything will be fine. “You can do it. You have to do it. This is why you spent three months of your life without a salary slogging!“
Essay was a cake walk and the topic was AAP. With Kejriwal resigning that morning, moderators were bound to snatch the paper from me. I had a warm grin. I felt better. “It cant be that hard. Now the GD. Kill it man. Your the man!“
The topic was AAP again. 2 minutes to jot down all the points possible. Were the Gods suddenly happy at me? I was ready. The moderator finally said, “Go!“
The person on my left started before my brain could process the word “Go”. He went on to say 8 of the 10 points I had gathered. I was shocked at his confidence and control over the language. All the more he timed each sentence so well that I couldn’t once butt in. Here was my chance, his voice trembled down. And I raised my pencil to make a point, but the lady opposite me started against the topic, and went on for a good two minutes. All I could say was “But I want to add that”, and the guy on my right took control. He started talking and went on till it turned into a fish market. I was fighting tears. My heart was beating three times its rate. I had screwed it. I messed up. Was I not good enough? Was the whole world better than me. The moment paused in front of my eyes. I could see successful MBA grads for a moment. I felt like a loser. I spoke 4 irrelevant words in the GD for which I quit my job. One panelist pointed briefly towards me and whispered something to the other. I was the one who dint talk that day. I was the one who was an introvert. I was asked to summarize but was too broken down to do that. I gathered up some points and gave an irrelevant summary as well.
I came back to the waiting room and realized I am the one who’s gonna say my GD went bad. With a career full of hosting events, my existence in the room went unnoticed. The moment had past and so had my confidence. My PI hardly mattered anymore. Another day. Another year?