Experience Uncertainty

So here I am composing my period of uncertainty in a lazy afternoon with birds chirping outside and a Bollywood song sending me to times of nostalgia.Never have I experienced such a period of uncertainty before. It has been 2 weeks and I am clueless about what lies ahead.Just gave my exit interview through the company’s portal.Since past 4 yrs i knew what I am going to do in my next 1 sec.4 yrs went by like 365*4 secs.Time couldn’t stop me and neither I could stop it.People came by and people went.I cried ,i laughed and i forgot but never paused.Life was dotted with few successes and major failures.I knew exactly what to do next.As if a goal was set for every sec.An alarm inside constantly ringed to remind me this is your precious 1 sec and you cannot miss it.And I obeyed it diligently!!!.As If I was the busiest person on the earth.4 hrs of sleep seemed to be a luxury to me.Craved when that IIM would call me and I would pause for a moment.

And finally when I got that call I am elated.Prepared for the interview in ways not even prepared for my exam.But ended up giving the worst interview or rather an over confident interview.While writing the essay during my WAT, I had the feeling that someone else was writing for me and not me.Words were coming out of my pen and I couldn’t control them and neither my thoughts.As if I was on a debatable mode and not on a writing mode.All these ended on that single 10th April with a feeling of dejection.

However had already took a resolution at the start of the year that this year would be a new one unlike any of the previous ones with new goals and new aspirations.Accordingly quit my job on 28th April as I couldn’t drag myself any further in a place where you don’t learn anything and just obey.

So here I am.A busy gal for whom years were like secs is now wondering what to do in the next 8 hrs.The most undecided phase till 19th May when my life will again take a new direction.One where it will take me straight to the place for which I slogged for 4 yrs and the other an undecided one where I need to travel an uncharted territory to eke out my living and my goal.

Till then serving the notice period and definitely not loving it at all.Desperately want those days back when again 4 hrs of sleep will just be a luxury and every moment will be an adrenaline rush to learn something new.