Where do I start. It’s like I’ve written a complete book on it in my head and I intend to pick an excerpt from it for all of you to read.
All this fight started when i decided to pick MBA as the next step towards my career. Like any other fresher, I too didn’t know what to do, from where to pick stuff for preparation, which institute to join and ten more similar questions. What I knew was that there’s no end to it. And I started realizing it in real when I begun my preparation. Everything seemed less, no matter how much I put in. If I did 100 questions, I wanted to test myself on 200 more. With every mock score, I was either jumping out of happiness or was carping at myself for the bad attempt. And that is how it ended up, with me actually turning into a pagalguy (it was then that I understood the significance of this name).
For more than six months, my life was only mine and it belonged to my modules more than it belonged to me. I had stopped going to college and had become a complete wonk. My parents were worried because they had never seen me like this before. I had almost banned myself from going out with friends, because that meant a total waste of two days, one for hanging out and second for the hangover,which was completely unaffordable.
Before this, I never had thought of losing in my entire life, because there was nothing I had worked this hard for. CAT had become my passion. And when you work too hard to pursue your dream, fear comes naturally, fear that you’re never gonna make it. Every moment every day, I’ve lived with it, with a song crooning in my head, ‘I’ve tried so hard and that so far..in the end,it doesn’t even matter’. Besides, its not failure itself that people fear, it is the possible consequences of that failure.
Now that I’ve written CAT, its my only hope and the results are awaited. People around me keep on telling me that even if you don’t make it, it’s okay, management entrance tests are not easy, its your first attempt and blah! But does the number of attempts really matter?Even when you’re giving your best shot in the first attempt itself?
And now that I’ve introduced you people to the fear growing inside me, the only thing I can do is to do it right. That’s my obligation to all the people who believe in me.