“Andar chal! Andar CHAL!!” (Move your ass!)

The first words I encounter, while catching the train to work.

It’s been two years since I moved to the city, but Mumbai continues to teach me something new everyday. My most high-handed teacher has been the local trains.

The Mumbai locals are an ecosystem of their own. Depending on your viewpoint, this ecosystem embraces or engulfs you. Rewards you lavishly when you are good. Punishes you ruthlessly when you are wrong.

Don’t look for any life hacks when it comes to this, you need to learn the hard way. I have learned a lot by experience and observation. How people hang their backpacks on their fronts (oxymoron, that. But it is a deterrent to pickpocketing and does not get in people’s way. There is less wear and tear on the bag) or the way people always have their headphones plugged in (no love of music this, but yet another deterrent to pickpocketing, because the tug on your headphone cable will guide you towards the direction of your culprit.)

But the most important thing, your height can be a huge advantage, or severe disadvantage. Here’s how.

When you are stuck in between a swarm of people, the only thing to do is to go with the flow. But in order to avoid stepping on toes, or elbowing someone in their ribs, you need some form of support. If you have a tall frame, you can reach over and grip the overhead handles or the overhead luggage racks to steady yourself. Taller people tend to be shoved around lesser than the others.

On the not-so-greener side, the same swarm of people collectively increase the surrounding air temperature in the already hot humid weather. When viewed from the vantage point of a tall person, these sweaty gentlemen are not a pretty sight. It doesn’t help that all the unpleasant sweaty odours waft upwards, right into the nostrils of the tall man. Not good, not good.

One of the consistent sights in a train compartment (other than people playing subway surfer) are Bhajan Mandals. They are groups of commuters who travel together everyday in the same compartment, same time, carrying the loudest musical instruments they can procure, and sing devotional songs in unison. You will hear them before you see them.

Actually, they are not bad. The singing sort of empties your mind, like meditation on wheels. Though my ears don’t stop ringing for hours afterwards.

My only suggestion: mix it up a little, folks. Try some carols, a hymn or two, put some Jewish prayers in there, throw in a Sufi chant once in a while. Keep the audiences engaged!

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