Life is unfair- I’m not denying that. My only complaint is why isn’t it ever unfair in my favor. Sure I’m not the only one who failed. Sure ninety percent of people who were running behind the same thing as me lie stuck in the same abyss. But I’m sorry, I ain’t from the ilk who derives pleasure from others’ misfortune. I would rather be jealous of the ten percent who have succeeded, if that could help me push myself harder this time.
I see the charm of my haven even more glorifying now, as I see it disappearing into the night. Such is life and it’s ironies. You can’t always count on your drudgery as that is only one part contributing to your success. What one often overlooks in the luck part. Sometimes, just an above average score fetches you what even you could never imagine, when the streak of luck works and other times, even the best of scores won’t give you the due. I belong to the latter class, the class of the running-out-of-luck ones.
When I started preparing, the only thought that was pushing me to work hard was that the sweat and blood never goes unrewarded. I kept pushing myself, keeping in mind as a bait that ultimate contentment of having achieved it in the first time round. But I failed. CAT didn’t fail me. I myself did. I never wanted to pen this down, but now it seems like the only way to get it all off my mind. Downfalls are hard to take, everybody knows that. I too did. But when the burden becomes too much, you start taking a toll on yourself. And nothing but one word echoes in your head. Rejected. That’s one time when you don’t curse yourself, you’re not jealous of the ‘quota’ people and you don’t blame the system. You just feel bad. More than bad. Then there are people around, who await chances to criticize you, to seek pleasure out of your discomfort, to make you realize that you haven’t got there and telling you that you probably never will. In my case, such comments are actually the touchstones to my hard work. If someone tells me I can’t do something, I have a never stronger urge to prove them wrong. Nonetheless, there are also people who you know will never leave your side even in the worst of situations, who’d do just about anything to bring solace to your discomfort.
Are these people your real success? Well, maybe. But that’s only until you get up and start preparing yourself to pick a fight with the pessimist inside you, get over all those dispiriting feelings and reach where your aashiyana lies. 🙂