Holi is on its way and every drinker is, for a change, thumping his chest out loud. You must have understood why; it’s almost legal to drink during Holi celebrations. I too have come back to my home town to enjoy the festivities and conduct my seasonal social experiments on drinkers. Last year it was planned and in front of a camera but this time, today, I was caught unprepared. A guy in his late 40’s, who later claimed to be a long lost friend of my father, knocked on my door. Front door of my house was open; I peeked from behind the curtains to ascertain if he was a salesman. I wasn’t able to recognise him as he was wearing a dark red helmet but the smell oozing out of him was too strong to ignore. Yes, he was drunk as a blue whale.
Following conversation took place between us- him and I:
He: When did you come to Bhilai, beta, hick!!!
I: Namaste, umm sorry uncle, I don’t recognise you.
Inside my mind: neither did I recognise the brand…
He: I am hurt, hick, you don’t recognise me:O
I: err…uncle your helmet is coming in my way.
He: ohh, here you got (hands out his helmet to me)
Inside my mind: ohh, how humble you are…
I: Uncle, papa is out for shopping veggies; you have to wait a while. Please come inside and take a seat. Would you like something to drink??? (Yeah right, I said that.)
He: Just a glass of water, you know dear we come from similar backgrounds. I am from ABC village; it is situated next to XYZ. Don’t get me wrong, hick-hick!!!
Meanwhile my mother comes out with some snacks and water. Her reaction, after watching this guy, gave me a feeling that this guy might be a serial offender.
I: Hmmm, so how are things???
Inside my mind: Don’t ask me what things; you know these things…
He: Don’t get me wrong, but you know what I am saying here. You know we belong to the same 123 caste; we are far more superior to them.
I: them ??? :O
He: Yes, those reservation people. My daughter has been consistently scoring in top nineties but she is sceptical about getting into a good engineering college as we belong to general category. Don’t get me wrong!!!
Inside my mind: I am not getting you wrong, sir; you are the most communal individual I have ever met.
I: Reservations, yes but…
He: that’s why I am here; I want to get some gyan from you.
I: Any time uncle, let us talk it over some snacks; please try this samosa.
Inside my mind: Please start, I don’t want to start first.
He: I am no stranger, guru, I am feeling at home. hitch!!!(tries to sing our national anthem and fails miserably). You know why I feel at ease in your home; because we belong to same caste. I don’t eat with other castes.
Inside my mind: But you do share drinks with them, don’t you???
I: So, Modi for PM this time…hehehe
He: It would be a hung assembly and we may have to bear the load of another election. *coughs* (Reminded me of Kejriwal). You never know; AAP may chip in with significant number of seats. We are not fools; BJP and Congress are the same. Don’t get me wrong!!!
Inside my mind: Wait!!! what??? Uncle, you are communal – you should vote for NaMo.
I: So, are you going to cast your vote for AAP???
He: *coughs* *diverts the topic* Why don’t you call your father and tell him about me.
Inside my mind: Yes, you are.
I : * called my father* hello, papa , one of your friend is asking for you.( My father asks – who ??? )
Inside my mind: How would I know, he is your friend after all.
He: Rakesh …Rakesh from ABC
I: He is coming. So what about Rahul Gandhi???
He: Who??? Hick!!!
Inside my mind: Exactly!!!
I: Congress Vice…ahh never mind. Are you really going to vote???
He: Off Corse, Don’t you vote??? hick!!! Don’t get me wrong!!!
I: I don’t live here and then I don’t have a voting ID card and err…
He: Such a shame, young gurus’ like you don’t even exercise your right. You people call yourself educated, look at me, Hick!!! Don’t get me wrong!!!
I: No uncle, it’s not like that…
Inside my mind: *ashamed of self*
He: I can hear your father’s footsteps, I think he has come. Hahahaha…
I: (pointing towards my father) Yes, he is here.
Inside my mind: Thank you father, the smell was unbearable.
I took the bag full of veggies bought by my father and went inside. My mother was laughing at my purple face. She, too, took a shot at me and said “So, are you going to vote or sigh away from your responsibility like before”
I have learned my lesson; I am going to register for a voting ID card.