I Am In Love And It’s Not Who You Think

If love is wanting to be with someone everyday, missing it when its not around, letting everything else go for it, then I am in love.

We met about nine years ago, I don’t remember it as a Love at first sight thing, but it grew, it grew like hell. So much that I wouldn’t desire any other company, I wouldn’t feel the need of it. Our love is unconditional, at least that is how its hitherto been.

I am in love with my Capri.

If someone asks me, What is that one thing that you can surely perform everyday? Jerking off may come second.

Remember the levi’s ad — ‘On & On & On’ — that describes my affection. I have kept it on for days followed by nights followed by days followed by….ok, you get the picture, its insane. My wife is still competing.

Besides plastic benefits like comfort, younger look (I need that at 30), free air-supply for balls — I love how just wearing a Capri automatically communicates the casualness with which I treat most situations, be it a stage performance, a funeral or even a formal dinner. If it was up-to me, I would have worn it on my wedding day too, but I am not sure if, in that case, I would have had a wedding day.

Never the less, I did attend most of those life-changing post-marriage dinners at unknown relatives wearing half pants. The fact that I carefully scheduled those visits every time I needed a free shirt, completely resonates with the casualness of my attire.

Here is how the introductions went:

Relative to Me : Welcome beta.

Relative to Wife : Acha, Damadji Kahan hain?

Wife : You just welcomed him!

Relatives : Oho, Acha, Yahin hai.

* Immediately asks servant to replace Polo shirt with a local one *

Just like being a stand-up comic, getting people to accept your one-capri-suit-all outlook takes a while. Its quite an expected behavior because lets face it, if society won’t take the ownership of screwing every fun activity of yours, then who the fuck will?

I, however, kept the same approach — NOT GIVING A SHIT. As a result, conversions in their outlook today is so radical that it can put Islam to shame.

“Everything alright in life, Sumit?” – moment they see me wearing full pants now, and mind you, its a genuine concern.

I wonder why isn’t it more popular, aren’t more men tired of dressing up aptly for every occasion? What happened to the whole “Men will be Men” stand? When did it get revised to “Men will be Men only when around Men”? Or is it that we continue to pretend that changing your attire somehow affects your attitude?

If that was the case then we would have never witnessed decked-up Security Guards conveniently sleeping at 2 A.M, Mandirs’ self-proclaimed saint would never be found interested in sex and money, and by now, Rakhi Sawant would have become a Lok Sabha member. A total of 15 people who voted for her are probably cheering with their thumbs-up right now.

Personally, I hold more respect if you allow me to have my ‘Freedom to Dress-Up’. While our country’s big agendas like Freedom of Speech and liking a Facebook status as per choice seem to be in jeopardy, least we can do is avoid a propaganda mandating everyone to have the same hair-cut as Narender Modi (South-Korea Alert).

Absence of “Freedom to Dress Up” is also one of the primary reasons I hate going to clubs. Clubs asking you to wear pants has to be the most hypocritical demand on the planet since we all know how those pants are literally “cuming” down on the sofas inside! Another reason I hate clubs is that if I have to do one lame dance step over the same loop of music for 3 hours pretending to be having fun, I will prefer Aerobics. At least, its healthy.

Now, If you excuse me, I have to get ready for my Yoga class where-in most Asanas include me kissing my Capri from different angles. They say it also happen to cure 25 different diseases which you previously didn’t know existed.

Have a happy life ?

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