Demonetisation: 11 ways to get rid of your black money in India

Has the Prime Minister Narendra Modi’s ‘surgical strike’ on black money left you wondering what to do with all those notes lying around in your house? Well, the easiest way to get rid of it is to deposit it in your nearest bank!

But if you are really reading this article, there’s a good chance you’ve got enough money to make IT (Income Tax) man stand up and take notice, and you don’t really want him looking in your direction. So what’s your next move?

  • If your sanam turned bewafa around the same time your currency did, you can kill two birds with one stone. Share your story on your notes and spread it around. Bonus points if you can make it seem like Gandhi’s saying it. Why should Sonam Gupta’s bewafai be the only bewafai to go down in history? Let all those notes you can’t let go of, become the way to get back at her. Just make sure she’s not standing right behind you while you’re busy scribbling on your notes. 
  • You sell your newspapers in raddi, right? Why not notes as well? They are made of paper after all and have, right now, technically no value, just like yesterday’s newspaper! Now if only you knew where to find a kabadiwalla
  • If you have stuffed your mattresses with notes, there’s a good chance they are uncomfortable as hell to sleep or even sit on for that matter. So take out those notes, shred them, and stuff them back into the mattress. Shredded notes should be more comfortable than un-shredded notes in a mattress. Should. We haven’t tried it so we can’t vouch for it, so don’t take our word for it. It’ll also probably be cheaper than buying a new mattress!
  • Have dreams of being Chulbul ‘Robin Hood’ Pandey? Give away those Rs 500 and Rs 1000 notes to the next person who knocks on the window of your imported car. They might curse you now for making them open bank accounts and become part of the system, but they will need those accounts if they are to go cashless in the future! You’ll also get some good karma in the process too, right?
  • Still in Robin Hood Pandey mode? Trade your cash for medicines for those who cannot afford them. With what pharma companies charge for drugs these days, and the fact that most people don’t have health insurance, you’ll probably be the hero of the hour! Wait, we’re not really sure if transactions at pharmacists are being monitored, so be prepared for a villain to show up. You are Dabangg, right?
  • Got a wedding to attend and don’t really like the bride or groom? Put your 500s and 1000s in an envelope and gift it. For maximum impact, gift it at weddings in the last week of December. You might not want to sign the envelope though.
  • Want to live your fantasy of a smuggler or dacoit from the Hindi films in the 70s? Go to the live performance of your least favourite artist and shower them with those notes! We would ask you to try a dance bar (sorry, live orchestra) too, but those bouncers you probably know on a first name basis might not be so accommodating this time around.
  • Ever wanted to do papier-mâché projects but didn’t want to mash newspapers? Wanted to try out origami but never found the scrap paper to get folding? Well, use your ill-gotten, worthless notes now. We can’t guarantee works of art, but these days, you might just get away with it, because you just created something worthless with something worthless.
  • Why not a Money Plant? With actual notes for leaves? Sure it’s another craft item, but why not. There’s enough jokes about how money does not grow on trees or how money plants don’t actually give money, and in this case, it’ll fit right in too.
  • Wanted to live out your Bond fantasy? Play high stakes poker with all those notes. Except, it’s no longer high stakes, and everyone playing might be trying to lose. We had thought of Monopoly as well, but with the new Rs 2000 notes being compared to Monopoly money all over social media, we thought we’d leave that to your discretion.
  • Congratulations! You are super dedicated to the cause of getting rid of your black money to have had all the patience to look for the one genuine tip among all the useless tips we went out of our way to provide that would help you with your cause. Well, you’re in luck. Just hang on to all of it. With everyone toiling away hard to get rid of their hard earned Rs 500 and Rs 1000 notes that they were unfortunate to be caught with on the night the announcement was made, hoarding all of yours might just translate into gold when the day comes that these notes become rare and collectable. However, when that day comes, don’t flood the market. We doubt people will forget this exercise any time soon, and you wouldn’t want them questioning where you got all those ‘rare antiques’ from…

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