I cried the whole night yesterday.
After a long time I am back to the library in my office. The same library where I had spent days and months studying my coaching class material, covered with brown paper so that no one would know what it was. Contemplating on what happened the last six months; was it that I started preparation too late, was it not enough hard work, or what it just luck, I do not know. What I do know is that my dreams are shattered, like never before. I know that it took a lot of effort to get up from the bed and face the world. I know that this year I will not be entering IIMs, IITs or any remotely decent MBA college. I also know that though I am more than willing to study hard for next year’s CAT, I can no longer live the monotonous life I have been living for the past three years. And most importantly, I now know the true value of CAT.
My eyes are soggy after last night’s emotional outburst. My dreams are crushed and my future is blank. I have no idea what to do next or where to go. All those weekends at coaching class, friends I made there, the teachers, workbooks, study material, Google, and applications, all seem futile. I have nothing to look forward to. Another year seems like a long wait. I could have done better, but I tried my best. And now, I am hiding under the blanket from the entire world, not because I am scared, but because I am disappointed, in myself, in my efforts.