B-schools to find ‘Animal Personas’ of Students to Help Find Them the Right Jobs

In a move that could be a paradigm shift for the Indian higher education, premier business schools have, innovative-ly (again!) through a resolution of their 69-member board, announced to profile their students based on animal personas.

An announcement detailed that b-school students will no longer be marketed to corporates for jobs based on fictitious work experience or projects but by using the real beast hidden inside like in the “The Roadies” reality show.

The move is allegedly aimed at helping corporates find the right animal-person for the right position.

On asking the b-school spokesperson about the rationale behind this inhuman move, he said,

Transparency is the order of the day, the need of the hour. Barring in our placement reports, we are constantly striving towards it in every other sphere. Since there is no denying that most students get treated like animals in their jobs, why not support them in finding out exactly which!

Animal personas will be identified after constant monitoring of their social media updates, love affairs, cigarette preferences, wardrobe malfunctions and pub priorities during their stint at the institute.

Preliminary tests by the institute have resulted in following broad samples,

1. Owls

Students whose eyes are often more red than the blood in their veins. They usually sleep following American time zones, adapting themselves for the day they will move to the US, about 20 years from now.

Role fitment: Creative Director – Advertising.

2. Sheep

Students who always follow others, never really change the game since they do not even know what the game is really all about.

Role Fitment: Client Servicing, Call centers.

3. Stray Dogs

Students who rarely attend lectures, are mostly found in posh tea joints surrounding the institute. They never really wander too far though, and often stayed within their locality’s circumference.

Role Fitment: Area Sales Manager, Market Research.

The project is still in its preliminary stage, though facing a few challenges,

1. Students personas are found to be changing over time. Guys who had initially demonstrated traits of lions, found their true love in the first semester and transformed into puppies.

2. Sometimes, students demonstrate multiple personas. For example, the cuteness factor in many girls could be that of a cat or a bitch and we can’t afford to get that wrong. It’s about their future after all.

Eventually, the Pagal news correspondent Miss Titli reached out to some of the students’ parents and found that they unanimously expressed apprehensions toward the idea,

“We appreciate the transparency but our kids are not used to it. We have always kept them in the dark so that they fit into school, college, all-family functions and we were going to keep them in the same illusion for their marriage. We are really not sure about how they will react to this sudden exposure to the bright light of truth.”

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