The 1990’s: Think of your mother when she was in her late twenties, a generation ago women would have “settled” down by then, have two or three kids and busy with the full time task of raising these kids. A woman who had not done all these things by that time was looked down upon pitifully and her father was the recipient of everybody’s sympathy. The poor guy would not be able to think of anything else other than finding a groom before the dreaded next birthday.

I am not saying that all women and their families were like that but yes the majority, mostly the middle class. Now cut to the present, your mother had you when she was 21-22 years old and now you are in your twenties yourself. Your parents seem to be forward thinking and modern people because they always told you that you should study hard, make a career of your own. You should become the new age woman who is financially independent and street smart. They encouraged you to take up engineering because that is where all the jobs are these days. They were the proudest people when you got your first job at the age of 21. And that was the end of their expectations for you. You were happy because you made your parents happy after all you were just 21, what did you know about yourself then.

And now start the confusing twenties. When relatives lovingly ask “Aur beta kya kar rahe ho aajkal” and you reply shyly “Auntie Infosys mein job”, there would be a twinkle in their eye, they would look at your mom and in some sort of silent-eye-language say “Ladki ki shaadi kar do ab”. At least this has been the story of our lives till now.

But as the euphoric energy of the early twenties starts to fade, you start looking retrospectively at your life and at the world in general. You begin to wonder, Is this who I wanted to be? Am I supposed to build a career in this line? Am I supposed to do this all my life? Hell! Did I want to do this in the first place? What is the meaning of all this? Am I supposed to just get married and what after that?

All these questions start to haunt you and all you know is that you need to discover the answers, discover yourself and who you are while you are single. After all how can you be truly yourself with your life partner if you don’t know who you are?

The late twenties is the time in everybody’s life when you actually start feeling like an adult. You might not know where your life is going but you realize that you are the captain of this ship. You don’t know what path you should take, but the destination has started to reveal itself to you. What others think of you hardly matters anymore, what matters is trying to discover what you think of yourself. You finally start to appreciate the struggles of your parents, their hopes and fears.

And here the feeling creeps in, should I listen to my parents and get married or should I take some time and search within, work towards what I want. The Indian society also plays the devil’s role. Things have not changed a bit since the 1990’s: they still expect the girls to get married as soon as they are 22. They give room to the guys to build their career, make mistakes, and find what they really want to do. Usually because all the great opportunities come your way after 25, nobody expects them to get married before 27-28.

But not with girls, no sir. If she wants to go for higher studies at 25, she is actively discouraged; the whole clan tries to talk “sense” into her. “When will you get married” they ask. “These days even if a boy is 35 he wants a girl who is 25 only” they tell her. And all you can do is avert your eyes and wish for the next life as a boy.

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