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Originally Posted by adityameri hi simba
I am a Marine Engineer with no work ex
below is my SOP for TISS, I request you to please go through it and help me out in making it more exhaustive. Please tell me if i shud include my hobbies in it
I believe in the character of "Ardhenarishwar" soft outside fire inside, constant learning and subsiquent application is the most important virtue of a Human Being. For me Loving, Caring, Creating and Adventuring are four most important wheels on which life moved, this is most important than being a successfull Entrepreneur or an expert in any field. My prep for IIT JEE was an eye opener as i had to travell by cycle 18 Kms at a stretch
The poverty of the slums through which i moved, suffering of the people, young naked children playing in open air. It was a painful yet enlightening transformation. I realized success is measured by no. of smiles that i can bring on their faces. I pledged to make positive changes in the life of 1000 people.
My 4 years in MERI was another learning experience to stay away from my parents, to live in a highly disciplined environment, to livbe harmoniously with people from various cultural backgrounds, and most importantly to accomplish the task in all circumstances were the lessons I learned the hard way. I learned that it is a collective growth which is of prime importance.
regards i hope dis time my request for attention will be granted |
I think Simba, Amit and Arun are busy....and sorry I haven't noticed your previous post....
BTW You didnt posted the exact question and also the word limit. Do post it.
Here are my comments
[My comments in blue. Errors in Red]
I believe in the character of "Ardhenarishwar", soft outside fire inside. Constant learning and its
subsiquent <subsequent> application is the most important virtue of a human being. I believe that Loving, Caring, Creating and Adventuring are four most important wheels on which life moves. <
this is most important than being a successfull Entrepreneur or an expert in any field. My prep for IIT JEE was an eye opener as i had to travell by cycle 18 Kms at a stretch> <
These lines are unnecessary. Why you need to mention IIT-JEE..... If you passed from IIT, then they know it....and if you failed...it indicates your failure...>
<This statement is left hanging...complete it>
The poverty of the slums through which i moved, suffering of the people, young naked children playing in open air. It was a painful yet enlightening transformation. I realized success is measured by<
no abbreviations please>
no. of smiles that <
Hey I am not going to do these grammatical and structural errors..'i' needs to be in capital 'I' >
i can bring on their faces. I pledged to make positive changes in the life of
1000 people. <
Why 1000, why not 1000000??...you forgot to add the magic word 'atleast'>
My
4 <
four> years in
MERI <
Write full college name> was another learning
experience to stay away <
bad structure> from my parents, to live in a highly disciplined environment, to
livbe harmoniously with people from various cultural backgrounds, and most importantly to accomplish the task in all circumstances were the lessons I learned the hard way. I learned that it is a collective growth which is of prime importance.
1) Lots of spelling, grammatical and structural errors
2) Why you write "long" sentences I do not know... (example see last sentence).... why not break them into short and sweet sentences.... its easy on the reader.
3) I do not find the answers to the questions
a) Why TISS
b) Why the particular course
c) What is your goal (ambitions...5 years down the line...10 years )
d) How does TISS fit into your scheme of life
The SOP is ofcourse about "you", but not about your experiences only...it is about your goals and your logical step of pursuing this course....
You need to do a LOT to spruce up your SOP.... I suggest... give yourself 5 hours and study this thread from first post to this one... and then start with your SOP.....My honest suggesstion....
Ketan
Linear Mode
