Email Forwards

[shub001]

Hi ppl,
Got this in my mailbox:
================================================
Arz kiya hai... Aadaab zaroor karna!!!

Aisa bhi nahin hai ke
I don't like your face.
Par dil ke storage mein
no more disk space...

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Ghar se jab tum nikale
pehen ke reshmi gown.
Jaane kitne dilon ka
ho gaya server down...

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Jabse meri zindagi mein,
aayi hai ik female.
Bhool gaya hai sab kuchh
kya mailbox, kya e-mail...

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Dil se ek ishq ki
application create kar raha hoon.
Pyaar se debug karna
mein wait kar raha hoon...

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Tumhaare intezaar mein
neend aayee so gaya.
Yeh dekho mera connection
time out ho gaya...

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Kal jab mile thhe
to dil mein hua ek sound.
Aur aaj mile to kehte hain
your file not found!

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Jo muddat se hota aaya hai,
woh repeat kar doonga...
Tu naa mili to apni zindagi
ctrl+alt+delete kar doonga...

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Shayad mere pyar ko
taste karna bhool gaye...
Dil sey aisa cut kiya
ke paste karna bhool gaye...

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Laakhon honge nigaah mein
kabhi mujhe bhi pick karo...
Mere pyaar ke icon pe
kabhi to double-click karo...

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Roz subha hum karte hain
pyar se unhe good morning...
Woh aise ghoor ke dekte hain
jaise 0 errors aur 5 warning...

-----------------------------------------------------

Nazar mein to kai hain
aur shaayad lonely hain...
Problem yehi hai ki voh
ab read only hain...

[shub001]

Another one: (What to do, I have many friends on the net with too much time to spare )

================================================
FURTHER EDUCATION FOR MEN

Week 1
How to fill up the ice cube trays.
Step by step, with slide presentation.

Week 2
The toilet paper roll: do they grow on the holders?
Round table discussion.

Week 3
Is it possible to urinate using the technique of lifting the seat
up and avoiding the floor/walls and nearby bathtub?
Group practice.

Week 4
Fundamental differences between the laundry basket and the floor.
Pictures and explanatory graphics.

Week 5
The after-dinner dishes and silverware: can they levitate and fly
into
the kitchen sink?
Examples on video.

Week 6
Loss of identity: losing the remote to your significant other.
Helpline support and support groups.

Week 7
Learning how to find things, starting with looking in the right place
instead of turning the house upside down while screaming.
Open forum.

Week 8
Health watch: bringing her flowers is not harmful to your health.
Graphics and audio tape.

Week 9
Real men ask for directions when lost.
Real life testimonials.

Week 10
Is it genetically impossible to sit quietly as she parallel parks?
Driving simulation.

Week 11
Learning to live: basic differences between mother and wife.
Online class and role playing.

Week 12
How to be the ideal shopping companion.
Relaxation. Exercises, meditation and breathing techniques.

Week 13
How to fight cerebral atrophy: remembering birthdays, anniversaries,
other important dates and calling when you're going to be late.
Cerebral shock therapy sessions and full lobotomies offered.

[shub001]

--------------------------------------------
Aisi apni wife hoo .
--------------------------------------------

5'6'' jiss ki height ho,
Jeans jiss ki tight ho,
Chehra jiss ka bright ho,
Weight mein thori light ho,
Umar mein difference slight ho,
Thori si wo quite ho,
Aesi apni wife ho...

Sarak pay sab kahain kya cute ho,
Bheer mein sab kahain side ho, side ho,
Punjab ki paidaish ho,
Saas ki Khidmat jiss ki khwahish ho,
Aesi apni wife ho...

Parosi jab baat karay tau haath main knife ho,
Dinner candle light ho,
Dono mein na kabhi fight ho,
Milnay say dil delight ho,
Kaash yeh concept 0.01% bhi right ho,
Agar aesi apni wife ho,
Tau kya haseen life ho,
Her kisi ki yeh farma'ish ho,
Kudrat ki bhi yeh azma'ish ho,
Ae kaash kahain tau aesi paidaish ho,
Aesi apni wife ho, Aesi apni wife ho...

--------------------------------------------
in reply..... Aesa apna husband ho...
--------------------------------------------

Aesa Apna Husband Ho...
6" feet jiss ki height ho,
Jeans dheeli magar body tight ho,
Biwi ka her nakhra uthaye, itna mizaj us ka light ho,
Husband apna aesa bright ho...

Uff tak na karay itna quite ho,
Dinner main us ka jawab na ho,
Romantic night ho,
Shopping kar kay jab bhi aoon,
Bolay "darling, tum kitni nice ho",
Husband apna aesa bright ho...

Mujhay rani bana kar rakhay,
Tau phir zindagi delight ho,
Saas susar kay samnay kahay,
Jaan tum hamesha right ho,
Hamesha jo haar maan jaye,
Jab bhi kabhi fight ho,
Jahan chahay jaaon, Jo chahay karoon,
Kuch is tarah ki life ho,
Her doosray week ghoomnay phirnay ki flight ho,
Aisa hojaye tau main uroon asman pay jaise kite ho,
Husband apna aesa bright ho...

[shub001]

************** STATE of BIHAR DRIVING LICENSE APPLIKASON PHAROM
NOTE : If you dont know the answers, please copy from another applikason phorom and submit.

For further instructions, see bottom applikason.

Please do not shoot the person at the applikason kounter. He will give you the lisence immediately.

Last name: (Yadav/Sinha/Pandey/Mishra/do not know) First name: (_) ramprasad (_) Lakhan (_) Sivaprasad (_) Jamnaprasad (_) Dont know (Check appropriate box)

Age: (_) Less than zero (_) Zero (_) Greater than zero (_) Don't know

Sex: ____ M _____ F _____ not sure _____ not applicable

Chappal Size: ____ Left ____ Right

Occupation: (_) Farmer (_) Mechanic (_) Pehelwaan ( Punjabi for "wrestler") (_) House wife (_) Un-employed

Spouse's Name: __________________________

Relationship with spouse : (_) Sister (_) Brother (_) Aunt (_) Uncle (_) Cousin (_) Mother (_) Father (_) Son (_) Daughter (_) Pet

Number of children living in household: ___

Number that are yours: ___

Mother's Name: _______________________

Father's Name: _______________________ (If not sure, leave blank)

Education: 1 2 3 4 (Circle highest grade completed)

Do you (_)own or (_)rent your home? (Check appropriate box)

Total number of vehicles you own ___

Number of vehicles that still crank ___

Number of vehicles in front yard ___

Number of vehicles in back yard ___

Number of vehicles on cement blocks

Firearms you own and where you keep them: ____ truck ____ bedroom ____bathroom ____ kitchen ____ shed

Model and year of your pickup: _____________ 194_

Do you have a gun rack? (_)Yes (_) No; If no, please explain:

Newspapers/magazines you subscribe to: (_) Champak (_) Indrajal (_) Star and style (_) The great Punjab Dairy (_) Blank sheets ___

Number of times you've SHOT a UFO ___

Number of times you've SHOT another person exactly like you ___

Number of times you've SHOT yourself.(SHOOTING YOURSELF IN MIRROR IS POOR SHOOTING)

Do you bathe? (_) Yes (_) No (_) Not applicable

If yes, how often do you bathe? (_) Weekly (_) Monthly (_) Yearly

Color of teeth: (_) Yellow (_) Brownish-Yellow (_) Brown (_) Black (_) Others - Give exact color (call nearest Asian Paints dealer if U dont know the color of your teeth) :______________ (_) Not applicable

How far is your home from a paved road? (_)1 mile (_)2 miles (_)don't know

Your thumb impresson (If you are copying from another applikason pharom, please do not copy thumb impression also. Please provide your own thumb impression. PLEASE DO NOT USE FINGERS ON YOUR LEGS. Use thumb on your left hand only. If you dont have left hand, use your thumb on right hand. If you do not have right hand, use thumb on left hand.

NOTE : IF YOU DONT HAVE BOTH HANDS, YOU CANNOT DRIVE.)

For instructions to fill this applikason pharom, see beginning of applikason phorom.

************************************************** **************************************

[uRmad]

lol......boy this is really funny......not a nice thought m8...do u want most folks out in the real world to stay single forever......

[shub001]

Okay this is the last one of the day ,
Don't know if it is really true, But it can be you never know

================================================

JAI MITHUN DA!

In a movie, Mithun Da is having Brain Tumor which, according to the
doctors can't be cured and his death is imminent. In one of the
fights,Our great Mithun Da is shot in the head. To everybody's surprise , the
bullet passes thru his head taking away the tumor along with it and he
is cured. Long Live Mithun Da and his "Assembly Line" Productions !!!

In one of the movies, Mithun da is confronted with 2 gangsters.
Mithun da has a Gun but unfortunately only one bullet. Guess, what he
does.......
He holds a knife in his hand and shoots the bullet towards the knife.
The knife cuts the bullet in 2 pieces and kills both the gangsters.
Then Mithun da say the following dialogue "Apun ka naam hai HIRA, Apun
ne sabko Chiraa".


In one of the other movies, Mithun da is chased by a gangster. Apne
Mihtun da ke paas gun hai par goli nahi hai. Guess, what he
does.........
He waits for the gangster to shoot. As soon as the gangster shoots,
Mithun da opens the bullet compartment of his gun and catches the bullet.
Then,he closes the bullet compartment and fires his gun.
Bang... And the gangster dies....



What about this :- can't recollect the movie name but scene is like
this - Our Mithun Da is put in a jail and he is wearing a cap ....
then in the cell he sees here and there and suddenly puts his finger in a wall
(uses his finger as drill machine) makes a hole .. then takes pen out
ofhis pocket puts the pen in the hole .. Then he takes off his Cap and
hangs it on the Pen .... style hai bhai ..........

In the movie "Watan Ke Rakhwale" apna Mithun Da is in jail and
desperately wants to get out of that hell..What he does is simply
unimaginable..!!!!
He crawls like a Spiderman over a wall...a jail wall , that must be
abot 50-60 ft high and jumps over...!!! truly amazing.. This is a fine
example of what a director can do when he has nothing to think of.!!

[Andy]

oye shub ...

wah ustad wah !!!

aajka subhah appke liye haseen ho gayi

[shub001]

Originally Posted by Andy

oye shub ...

wah ustad wah !!!

aajka subhah appke liye haseen ho gayi

Arre huzoor waah T..

on second thoughts wah shubham hi boliye

(nothing like taking credit for internet humour )


Since you liked em, one more for you, it is very very interesting , But don't skip in between (like I did) otherwise you might not understand the joke.

================================================

Apun tumko ek kahani sunaega




> > >Julie aur Sulie do ben log rehta hai. Ben log maane

> > judwaa.

> > >Lekin dono main fark bole to solid. Julie ekdum

> > Smart, jhakaas aur

> > >Sulie ekdum halki re.

> > >

> > >To kya hota hai maloom Sulie tho bachpan se, woh kya
> > bolte hain

> > >usko..Stubborn ..bole to ekdam jiddi.... rehti hai.

> > >

> > >To julie jo bhi maangti hai na...Sulie ko woh maang

> > ta-ich hai.

> > >Julie ko gudiya mili to Sulie ko bhi maangta tha...

> > >Julie ko kangan mila to Sulie ko bhi mangta hai.

> > >Aisa karte karte bees saal guzar gaya.

> > >

> > >To na, Julie ka shaadi ekdum karodpati ladka ke saath
> > hota hai.

> > >Aur Sulie ek fatichar funtoosh se shaadi banatha hai.

> > >Shaadi ke baad Julie Fridge leti hai baap.Sulie bhi

> > pati se fridge

> > >maangtihai.Pati bechara garib. Lekin biwi ko khush

> > karne ke waaste woh

> > >Fridge khareed leta hai.Abhi Julie agle mahine Air

> > Conditioner

> > >khareed dalti hai. Sulie bhi jiddkarti hai baap.

> > >

> > >Bolti: AC nahin liya to khud ko tapka daloongi. Pati

> > bechara aur

> > >paiseudhaar leta hai aur AC khareed leta hai.

> > >Ab Julie car khareedti hai. Sulie bhi jidd karti hai.

> > Pati ka

> > >dhimaag satak-ta hai lekin phir bhi saala karega kya,

> > pitaji ka

> > >zameen bech dalta hai aur gaadi khareedta hai.

> > >

> > >Thode dinon ke baad Julie gaadi bech ke bus khareedti

> > hai.

> > >

> > >Sulie jidd karti hai Abhi pati solid bhadakta hai

> > baap. Bolta hai

> > >"Ae item, ab dhimaag ki dahi mat bana..bahut ho gaya

> > tera natak.

> > >Abhi apun tera ek nahin sunega. Apun jaa rahela

> > hai"

> > >To Sulie ko chodke woh chala jaata hai. Sulie lekin

> > apni gaadi

> > >bechkar aur paisa market se uthakar bus khareed leti

> > hai.

> > >

> > >To Julie aur Sulie apne apne bus main Ek din picnic

> > ko jaata hai.

> > >Bus ko park karke woh log ghoomne phirne ko jaata

> > hai.

> > >

> > >Wapas aake dekhta hai to saala dono bus main steering

> > wheel gaayab,

> > >seat gaayab, gear gaayab...sab kuch ghayab!! Sulie

> > julie ko dekhti

> > >hai aur kuch to bolti hai.

> > >

> > >Abhi Ekdum simple koschan: Sulie Julie ko kya bolti

> > hai??

> > >


> > >

> > >

> > >* * * Accha chal mainich bol dalta hoon: * * *

> > >

> > >

> > >
> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >"NA KUCH TERE BUS MAIN JULIE........ NA KUCH MERE BUS

> > MAIN..."

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >ae bhidu, apun ko gaali mat de, aur apun ke upar

> > gussa mat hona

> > kya?

> > >Apun ko bhi kisi ne yeh bhej kar apna bheja kharab

> > kiya hai.



Told you guys it is interesting

[MavericK]

Nice Ones Pal...

Anil

[shub001]

After a long day on the course, the exasperated golfer turned to his
caddy and said, "You must be the absolute worst caddy in the world!"

"No, I don't think so," said the caddy. "That would be too much of
a coincidence."