Marriage - A resposibility? Or a Support?

[gaurav200x]

Originally Posted by shekhar

the problem with live-in relationships is that it tends to keep your vision under the pink rosy glasses always...not bringing to you the harsh realities of actual companionship (call it 'marriage'). coz marriage is an act of responsibilty,accountability & this is actually where a live-in relationship fails. it fails in teaching you these mantras.

Well shekhar,
i actually disagree with this point bcoz i feel that it all depends on the individuals. If u are matured and sensible (inc smart ) enuf, u can stay with a girl just like u stay with guys. Apart from that, as u might be knowing, girls live differently (offcourse, not generalised) from guys. So when a guy and a gal stay together, they share lot of things.... their feelings, their experiences, they life-style. You have a sense of reponsibility of each other. Although u are not in a bond, but as friends, taking care of each other is mandatory.

Hence, it is like a virtual marriage. But as i said before, it depends upon the individual as he/she has to understand this bond. If they don't then, live-in relationship isn't a good idea... (u might end up like saif )

[Satish Datla]

hi

what ever ur name be .. i am a new kid on this block i am Satish datla

coming to your Q Marriage - A responsibility? or a [Support?

my view:-

Its both resposibility and support to say straight to ur (Q) .

i feel its an Institution rather then just a mere responsibility to the two, coze two families unit togather and lives on from there for the rest of the life you are not only responsible for one another but for both ur families.

coming to resop:- you hve to share equally, u build ur relationship with one another depending on trust,honesty,cooperation, understanding,etc etc.. and above all maturity in all aspect and eqality towards both the genders, & families also.
coming to support:- we and we alone cannot conquer this world u need and u take support of some one or the other right from ur birth and y should'nt it be your spouse to depend on, who ur sharing ur rest of ur life with.

any ways as some one said theory is theory & experience is experience

u only know depth of the river only when u get inside it.

experience it, love it, live it, and die with it..

Originally Posted by baishakhic

I know most of you would say it is a mixture of both.. But what I want to know is what is it more like?

Is it too much of a responsibility and tie-down because you have to come back home at a reasonable time cos someone's waiting, you can't jump at foreign ventures at too short a notice, you gotta take mature decisions about loans-studies-housing-savings cos you have to support the family and save up for kids and their studies and so forth..., you have to remember that every decision you take will affect not only you but also your spouse and kids and might change their lives for ever..

Or is it more of a support cos now you have two people to share the burden instead of one, maybe somebody cooks the dinner when you come home late from work, because you can share all your worries and emotions with the same person who now knows you in and out.....

This question's been lingering in my mind for some time after seeing many of my close friends getting married to their sweet-hearts and then finding the road not as rosy as they thought. Not that they are miserable or something.. But now they have to think of their in-laws, and cannot take as much risk in their career as they used to.. in the sense, most of them would not take an enormous loan to go and study, cos they feel it is irresponsible.. the girl would rather leave her job and join her husband than hold out for even a few months.. Is marriage just a resposibility then?

[shekhar]

Originally Posted by gaurav200x

Well shekhar,
i actually disagree with this point bcoz i feel that it all depends on the individuals. If u are matured and sensible (inc smart ) enuf, u can stay with a girl just like u stay with guys. Apart from that, as u might be knowing, girls live differently (offcourse, not generalised) from guys. So when a guy and a gal stay together, they share lot of things.... their feelings, their experiences, they life-style. You have a sense of reponsibility of each other. Although u are not in a bond, but as friends, taking care of each other is mandatory.

Hence, it is like a virtual marriage. But as i said before, it depends upon the individual as he/she has to understand this bond. If they don't then, live-in relationship isn't a good idea... (u might end up like saif )

caught you here na...!! in marriage you are in a bond (a sacred one...) & with the sacredness of marriage comes the responsibility & accountability of this bond. in live-in you're not in a bond & thus fail to see the(sorry repetition...) responsibilties.

[madmax1980]

hi frens, i aint married so it wont b fair to judge what exactly it is without knowin it or havin the feel, but still i think i will share my perception of it.

some prefer callin it an institution from where u learn a lot , some prefer callin it a bonding of two hearts and this goes on and on and on.to me it is a very reletive term varying from person to person. in todays world when the whole wrold has become workoholic,workin like robots u will see couples livin in different cities in order to satisfy their individual career goals,and hardly gettin time to see each other, and this is not temporary , again a good enough example wud be the profession of marine engineering,i m sitin these examples as these hav become very comon in todays world, our daily life.so the question wud be better put is marriage necessery?do we need it, or livin together is fine?these questions r such that u will never hav a consensus abt the answers to it.i am not tryin to b india specific as i will restrict my view then so i m expressin a general opinion

u learn from every experience of ur life dont u ?so u r life itself is an institution teachin u different thins at different times , again bondage of two hearts wud rightly be termed as love n not marriage accordin to me. we hav two parts in us one which looks for the professional inner self which is workoholic and will go on workin for acievein the goals in life uninterruppted by anythin again we bein rational beings fail to qualify as comlete robots and hav an innerself which is emotional and like to hav family and kids and spend some time wid them .so the concept of marriage is really on the basis of how one percieves it to be . as we know like music to ones ears may b noise to another's , marriage on one hand can b responsibility or support to one and fun and devine to another.
responsibilites cant b imposed on anyone either marriage or live in relationship, if a person is resposible enough he or she will b like so in either cases.love itself creates a bond so why justify it more ,this might be an important questuion that needs to b answered.
anyways this is what i hav to say abt it .ppl may hav different opinions and i respect their point of view.

peace bro

[The Raven]

I was thinking about marriage from another angle. Isn't it an exclusive relationship, i.e excluding other people out of it. I agree that you get to know another person very deeply in the ideal marriage. But doesn't the time spent with her/him exclude the time that can be spent with so many other people? Do all people want to know one person more deeply. Instead what about knowing more people less deeply?

I really feel marriage takes a toll on friendhips. Often the old friends get lost and couples like to forge new relationship with other couples. A wife/husband never likes a best friend to be more closer with a person than him/her. I found this concept well explained in one of PG Woodehouse's books 'The coming of Bill'. Still worse if the best friend happens to be from the opposite sex.

I have to tell honestly, I feel sad every time a friend gets married. I feel I am loosing the friend. And usually it is true also. I have totally lost touch with friends who got married.

[candybean$$$$]

Originally Posted by shekhar

@candybean$$$$

yeah, whenever i want to experience pain, anger, irritation, disgust i listen to this nasal maniac...!!

yea..huzooooooooooooooooorrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!! he is sooooo disgusting!!!

1st condition needs to fulfilled.... pehle koi milni bhi to chahiye(as Raven said...stumble across)...dhundne se to bhagwaan bhi milte hai...so start searching!!!!

'good for ya!!! ' ....!!!

......good??sure..its good....havent EVER seen guys curious to get married!!!

r u working in chd./mohali !!??

Mohali..but i stay in Chandigarh...

[beldcat]

see acd 2 me it depends on ur life partner whether u get it as responsibility or support.
i read it some where ,one should always be patient and selective whle selecting their life partners as this is one thing on which ur 90% life depends. so guys its some thing u can discuss but wont get any conclusion.so better discuss some thing good

[candybean$$$$]

tell me soemthing..i think then u need to be patient for ever and ever and ever to find the right one??

plz lemme know...how do u know that he or she is the right one??

[gaurav200x]

Well madmax1980,
some real good insight by u there. I will say that it is upto the individuals to see how much they are into each other because it is a bond based on morality and self-compulsion. If u r in love and u both know that u would spend the rest of ur lives with each other, then u are married. Offcourse, respecting the Indian tradition, u are supposed to take a stamp of the junta and the law, but then its only a tradition or ritual. It is a committment in ur self that u realise that u are committed to the other person. Otherwise if its not there, people who are married cheat on each other.

Another thing is that love is a bigger thing than marriage. U can be married to someone, but u won't feel the feeling of togetherness, responsibility unless u have love for that person. Even if u are not married, but in love, this thing holds true. So marriage can be seen as a consequence of love.

Originally Posted by shekhar

caught you here na...!! in marriage you are in a bond (a sacred one...) & with the sacredness of marriage comes the responsibility & accountability of this bond. in live-in you're not in a bond & thus fail to see the(sorry repetition...) responsibilties.

Well bro, let me emphasise that point once again. As i said that feeling of bonding has to come from within. Who says that when u r married, u are bonded. Married people also cheat, but then its the feeling that has to come from within. Same is the case with live-in relationships. If u feel that bond, u will feel responsible...

Regards
Gaurav

[gaurav200x]

Originally Posted by The Raven

I was thinking about marriage from another angle. Isn't it an exclusive relationship, i.e excluding other people out of it. I agree that you get to know another person very deeply in the ideal marriage. But doesn't the time spent with her/him exclude the time that can be spent with so many other people? Do all people want to know one person more deeply. Instead what about knowing more people less deeply?

Well raven ,
one thing that is present is..... when u r on a hunt for ur life partner, u want to be sure u are making the right choice. So, u want to spend the max time with him/her. Offcourse, u need to devote time to ur friends too and an effective manager shouldn't be having time management problems

On a serious note, it is true when u are in relationship, u need to devote more time to ur mate than ur other friends... after all its her that u would have to spend the rest of ur life and not ur friends.

So one should take it in a casual manner. Moreover u can find ur best friend in ur mate.... very true!

Originally Posted by candybean$$$$

plz lemme know...how do u know that he or she is the right one??

Contact me through yahoo messenger and i will give u the spl gyaan Rates are very nominal

@beldcat relationships and responsibility are something very important from the point of view of a manager. We are not here to get a conclusion on anything, but to have a general overview of the topic!!