[neversaydie]

Got this as a fwd n thot it was worth sharing.....


Breaking Up! by Barbara Mather


“Let's just be friends.”

The worst and yet the most common line in the history of break-ups, and it
was coming my way. “No, we can't just be friends,” I wanted to say. “We've
been through so much together, and knowing how I still feel about you, how
can you even suggest such a thing?” was what was on my mind.

“Sure,” was what I said, instead.

There were two inherent reasons for my choosing to go along with him, other
than the fact that it was the best one word response I could think of at
that time. First, of course, the gravity of the situation escaped me at that
moment, and 'friends' I felt was a loose enough term to suggest that we
would be keeping in touch, though about what I did not dare to question at
that point. Second and more importantly, I felt that something was better
than nothing, and if I said no now, I was likely to lose him entirely.

Yes, saying 'yes' was surely the right way to go.

Now, the very concept of friends who were previously in a relationship needs
to be more clearly defined. If we go out together, would it be a date or
would we be hanging out? How often can I expect to hear from him now that
the relationship rights have been revoked, and yes, of course, the most
important of all -- how am I expected to react if he tells me about or
introduces me to his new girlfriend? Complex situations, which require
simple answers.

No, this may not quite have been the right way to go.

My distress was compounded further by the fact that every time we spoke, he
would not only bring up the past, but discuss it at length and create issues
about things that were in effect no longer relevant. 'Analysis paralysis' I
believe it's called in technical terms. On top of all this, I wasn't quite
getting the hang of 'chilling' on the relationship that, of course, was now
a friendship, and I found myself too worried, too hassled and too involved
in the things he said and did.

Dear, oh dear, this is certainly not turning out to be the right way to go.

Distress morphed into desperation as we began drifting apart. No, wait a
second. He was the one drifting and I was the one holding on.

“Why haven't you been replying to my mails?” I pestered, one day.

“I've been busy,” he replied matter of factly.

“Too busy to send me back even a one-liner?” I snapped.

Oops, was there a line somewhere there that I had just stepped over? By the
look on his face, I'd say there probably was. The lines were hazy, the rules
unwritten and the mistakes were piling up.

I don't think this had been the right way to go.

It is anguish when the final bombshell drops, and lo and behold, there's
someone else in his life. He gives the news calmly, and waits for the
expected response of: “I'm so happy for you.” Tears filled up my eyes, pain
takes over my heart and yet I say the words expected of me. “That's great
news. I'm so happy for you.”

And when it finally sinks in that I'm really not that happy for him, I
realize that I never really wanted to be friends either. I already had
enough friends, I recollected. But with him, I had always had more than
friendship on my mind.

Yes, I'm sure it had been the wrong way to go.

There are broadly two schools of thought as far as handling break-ups are
concerned. One believes that a clean break should be made. Make a decision,
say your goodbyes and then snap, cut all ties in one quick motion and never
look back at your past. The other school of thought believes that a gradual
severance of ties makes for a smoother transition phase that eases the pain
somewhat.

I believe that the breaker is always part of the first school whereas the
breakee is part of the second. The reason is simple. The breaker wants to
move on while the breakee wants to hold on. To some little hope or thread or
illusion. The breaker accepts the pain, the breakee delays it. And then of
course there are those breakers who simply don't know how to break-up, so
they end with either a “Let's be friends” or “I'll give you a call
sometime.”

In any case, if you do have to break-up, what is a good way to go? Can a guy
and girl who've had a relationship actually still be friends or even want to
be friends? Now this essentially depends upon the feelings of both at the
time of break-up. If it was mutual, then maybe they could be friends. But
then, whether a break-up could actually ever be mutual is a debate in
itself. However, if one still has feelings for the other, rest assured that
friendship might work but only at the cost of some major heartache for at
least one of the two.

Breaking up is hard to do
For you loved me and I loved you.

Holding on is harder still
For you are drifting as I stand still.

But saying goodbye is by far the worst
For it's only in the end that it truly hurts.



NSD

[psmith]

when i was reading thru this .. the only thing that i was being reminded was ross and rachel in friends... ross had all the feelings that you were talking abt...

but i still dont get the hang of what you are trying to convey???