[neena_772]

Neena's turn-around of Liver-puddle err.. Liverpool as a Marketing Manager.
Stay Tuned.

Marketing Manager? You cannot change my area of expertise, Subodh

But obviously, I could help Liverpool with their investments in buying younger players, that would increase the growth of the number of goals each season because the average age of players would decrease. Decrease in the average age of players, that is capital stock would definitely give rise to increase in rate of progress.

I do have a particular model that I could build upon. The only assumption that would be there is, Manchester United suffer from the consequence of "long run instability" - their rate of their goal scoring ability continuously deviates from the rate of their actual warranted rate of growth of goals scored in each season, the result which leaves all Manchester United fans unsatisfied and so they look for some other competitive football club to support.

[Plumber]

Continued from the previous post...


DG: Man, we have to work out something. Let's just figure a way of making ourselves more unpopular, without starting that thread...Surely I don't wanna enter into a pardoxical situation.

MvB: Yeh..."agreed"...it's only the second time i have uttered this word in my lifetime; the first one was when some had said :"Gandhi is g**di"...I could not resist myself from uttering the word "agreed"...Coming back to the point…yes we need to make ourselves unpopular; for otherwise we might be compelled to start a thread "Are Dg and MvB past their primes"...Whatever the fark! It's a losing proposition.

DG: Let's just ask Subodh to sing our paeans...Subodh has a tremendous ability to influence people...The moment he starts supporting something; people immediately oppose it. We have to exploit the talent that he has!..."Focus on core competencies" you must have learnt in your MBA class. It also implies: "Focus on others' core competencies".

MvB: Hmm...Both these statements are credible, largely because of the "outsourcing" wave that we are witnessing...Here, we need to "outsource" the "strategic" task of making ourselves "unpopular" to "Subodh". And yes, I still remember: on Sachin thread…when Subodh stated the fact that 2+2=22 as one of his subsidiary arguments, it provoked vehement opposition from the likes of Plumber, esjay…I mean WTF…If any one of us would have said that indisputable truth, it would have attracted 100 thanks, and maybe a few awards…Lamentable!!

DG: Yeh...whatever it seems the jargon still lives with you...Even I have "internalized" the language that's generally supposed to be "employed" only when you are amongst a "coterie" of people. When you're in a corporate world, you gotta adapt yourselves to the "industry-norms", mate. Ok, lemme come to the point: I don't know even know what I just said…And of course, this aint no Sachin thread…so why will I pretend?


MvB:Yeah man...it's not too often that you refrain from pretending that you are not talking from you ar*e.


DG: And it's not too often that you have a guy making such intricately personal observations about a fellow guy….Just joking mate…


MvB: Good that you clarified that you were joking…Or, I would have taken your case in the Sachin debate!…


DG: Taken my case? eh. Cmon dood there were only 2 sides-sackHim Jihadists and sackhim supporters…And we were on the same side. Why would you take my case?...Din't we show all this while that we were the biggest exponents of George Bush ideology: "You are either with us or against us"..In fact, we took it to an all new level:"You are either against Sachin or against all the good things you possess in your life"…Wasn't all the random and not-so-random clobbering that we did an exhibition of this ideology?


MvB: Cmon dood, there were 2 sides agreer…but again there were 2 sides for that particular time-period…You can always have re-alignment, re-divisoon that leads to creating of 2 enitrely new sides. So now, if we wanna continue the thread, I am on one side and you on the other.


DG: What would the point of contention be in this case? In sackHim debate, the whole point of contention was "whether SackHim could have contributed to Indian team more as only a restaurant-owner, or whether he could have contributed more to Indian economy as a cricketer"


MvB: Dood disagree with you it wasn't Indian economy, it was South-Asian economy. Might sound too prissy, but let me assure you it has nothing to do with the lingering suspicion I have that you are one of those Arseholenile anti-fans-who din't have the courage to ravage the property of his neighbor who wasn't a MAN U supporter. I am giving you the "benefit of doubt".


DG: Ok mate, what are the 2 sides you referring to?


MvB:. One side believes that Sachin should not continue playing One-days with old-pads, and the other believes that Sachin should not continue playing One-days with new-pads. It's a big frigging difference of opinion. You see…I know you believe in the latter, and I believe in the former; so I think a debate is surely called for.


DG: Yeah…it would be fun, and would surely last till 2031!


MvB: Coming to the point of making ourselves more unpopular, what can be done?


DG: One option is to groan at the posts of people on awards-thread.


MvB: Naah…not an effective one…it might lead to we winning more nominations..


DG: Ok how about this: We start a thread…I mean Subodh starts one with the title: "Dg meets MvB"…meet happened in some sidey place etc etc.


MvB: This might be counterproductive; what are you talking about?…A thread will only make us more popular.


DG: It won't…


MvB: Aaah…ok…You mean Subodh starts a thread, in which he eulogizes Dg and MvB…The moment Subodh says something, people oppose it etc etc…Good idea mate!


DG: Not only that, mods lock the thread…me, you and Subodh are considered "irritating-pr*cks", and that's how we become more "unpopular".


MvB: True…so I think we have found the solution to pre-empting the opening of thread: "DG and MvB are past their primes"…The solution is opening a thread titled "Dg meets MvB…"


DG: Yeah…exactly…so shall we call up Subodh?


MvB: Naah I see him active on Yahoo…Anyways, this Gmail chat sucks dood…Ok just join the Yahoo conference, down with this GTalk…have send you the invite!

Cheers!

[Plumber]

In a startling development, the Saneguy- MBA forums (SG) forum has decided to float an Exclusive Dating section.

Apart from that, the forum has been directed by HRD Minister Arjun Singh to bring the female/male+female ratio of SG members to at least 33.33%. Since achieving this isn’t possible by getting more women to register themselves, the admins. of SG have have taken a decision to ban a certain number of registered male-members.

This policy of banning-male-members has been given a catchy blend name of “Lesz-ban”. The term seeks to balance conflicting member-interests, as evident from the reactions below:

1. When the male members were asked what do they think of this new policy, they said they are grateful that it's only Less-Ban and not all male-members are being banned.
2. When the female members were asked what do they think about the new policy, they said it sounds a bit odd and over-optimistic, considering not all male-members are being banned.
3. When Arjun Singh was asked as to what he thinks he about the new policy, he said the policy "Lets Ban", shows the determination of SG forum to promote gender-equality in all spheres of life.
   

Also, from the male-members who will survive the ban, only a half will get a chance to be a part of the Exclusive Dating section.

The male-members will be chosen on what is called FQ- “Freeness Quotient”, as determined by the formula:


FQ(male member)=no. of one-liner posts made by the user/no. of long posts made by the user.


Male-users who have an established track-record of making posts that contain quotes of other users, accompanied by witty one-liners such as:

• That was an excellent post
• Extremely well said
• Extremely ridiculous
• Hey, that was great
• All the best for preparing
• Just subscribing to this thread

can consider their chances of achieveing a high FQ very bright.

As far as female users are concerned, all of them will be allowed to be a part of the exclusive Dating section. Their FQ will be determined by the formula:

FQ(females)= no of shouts posted on sb+ no. of hrs spent on Sb (in last 1 year)/ total no. of posts made.

When one of the female members was asked as to what she thinks of this formula for calculating FQ and a separate Dating section, she expressed her deep regret over the fact that in her stint of 1.5 years at SG, she has made posts that were very much avoidable, particularly the ones on Bday./Meet threads. Had it not been for that, her post count would have remained at strong 7, instead of a humongously weak 45 as it stands now; and would have fetched her a much higher “Freeness Quotient”.


Another female, who has been hard to miss on Shout Box for last 3 months, and has not even made a single post, remarked that she is very satisfied with the new formula, and thinks FQ of “Infinity”, which she's about to achieve, will be a well-deserved reward for her untiring efforts at SB.

The admins of the forum will be using radical techniques to promote this Dating Section. Shout Box will be re-branded and will be now called as “Scout Box”, emphasizing the new direction that SG forum is taking.


AXE- The famous deo. brand- has agreed to be the "exclusive sponsor" of this Scout Box. Their efforts to rename the Shout Box to S-AXE box did not fructify as Javed Jaafri holds "exclusive rights" to use the term, ever since he first used it in the movie Salaam Namaste.


...................

Cheers!



PS: When is Subodh posting the write-ups that he promised? and when is MvB AcM No9 posting the part-2 of his satire?

[MvB ACM No9]

His previous visit to sunny Espana had been a great success, prompting the Immaculatus Waynus the Moderatus to contemplate another such trip, given that the English season was over and the Spanish continued. Buoyed by the news that the Great Arse Himself, Josesus Antonius Reyarseus was likely to be on view in the Estadio Santiago Bernabeu on the exalted platform reverently referred to as The Bench, Waynus proceeded to watch the game.

He was, unusually unhappy when the long-faced Wonder striker Ruudinho limped off in the first half, but was more than rewarded by the sight of Reyarseus jogging on in the second.

1838: "OLE!!! Gola! Gola di Reyarseus!!!" 1-1!!!
1850: "CAMPEONES!!! REAL MADRID! HALA MADRID! CAMPEONES DE ESPANA!!!"

Waynus was bouncing his way to the pub at the city center when he saw a decidedly familiar figure alongside...

Neenus Brutus: Waynus, what dost thee think of the match?
Waynus: Brillianto... Oops... Brilliant! We won!!! Los Campeones and all that, you know!
Neenus: But Waynus, who is 'we'? The same Ruudinho who beat your Arsenal? The same Goliath-slayer who mocked by liver-like garden puddle? Waynus Moderatus and ABU, Lend me your tinted spectacles. I come here to teach you irrationality, not to praise it. The goals that Ruuinho scores live after him, But this achievement is buried...
Waynus: Errr... You're right y'know... It does make me glum actually...
Neenus: Yes!!! Which is why I have a plan... A plan that is so diabolically simple that it's bound to succeed...

<Intrigue begins now and shall continue till my continuation on this one >

Continuation: (Sorry, I like this kind of sick humour ;-))
Neenus: Let's do it like this. Sell the Thierrosaurus Hideous of your team to them... Soon, all our problems will be solved.
Waynus: Hmmm... Not too bad an idea really, but how about combining that by also offloading onto them Rifle Bunny-toes? The combination should really be deadly enough for relegation!!! Burp-sellonehere, would never recover!!! Real Afrit...sorry...Marid...whassat? Aah! Madrid would be champions forever! <OUCH!!!>
Neenus <pocketing the cosh>: Sigh... never mind... I'll handle ManU myself...
<Gunshot!> Neenus joins Waynus on the floor, wondering what's going on...
fire_kris: It's Man United d'ye hear? Not ManU...

Cheers!
- Darth M

[neena_772]

Plumber, the mysterious yet the most candid poster of PG recently formulated the idea of bringing the best posters on PG closer to their mediocre and untalented counterparts, by floating a new television show. Although, all major television channels have refused to acknowledge the success that might follow the show, Plumber is not ready to call it quits. The show’s first episode features obviously the man whom Plumber idolizes and admires, Mr. MvB ACM No9. Since, there might be sometime before the show is aired, here is a chat transcript which might bring us closer to the star himself.

Plumber: Welcome to my new show Plum Cake with Plumber. Although if I might add, that since this is only the first episode and we have run into a bit of bother on our production costs, we are unable to provide Plum Cakes to our guests.
Anyway, the first guest tonight is the “debater”, the “satirist”, the “ruthless”, “Star of the bright less sky” , “The terrible and not-so Merciful one”, “the Glorious one of the highest repute”…Please give a huge round of applause for Mr. MvB ACM No9!


MvB ACM No9: Some carpenter of yours is standing outside the studio. He wouldn’t let me in! I tried to reason him, that it is of utmost importance of me going in and the consequence of me not going in would be quite dreadful to say the least. But he wouldn’t listen. Said you wouldn’t settle his account. So since he was so adamant, I had to use my vocabulary. A blend of my good old collection comprising of “mindless”, “moron”, “senseless”, and “asinine” did the trick, and your carpenter was dazed enough to let me go.


Plumber: Unfortunately, my show has run into trouble. The producer refuses to be part of the show anymore and hasn’t cleared the bills. So I am the producer now. The carpenter and the grocer have been on a night watch to exact their payments. And the cook has also resigned. Because, I ate all the Plum cakes which were made as samples. So we don’t have plum cakes anymore. But that doesn’t deter me. No fear when Plumber is here. Plum cakes can wait.

MvB ACM No9: Wrong actually. I disagree with the last line. I am quite disappointed at the lack of the Plum Cake. Plum Cake is the simplest of all cakes. Honestly speaking, the plum cake is adored by many people and by me as well and can be easily made again and again. It’s handy for times when you have to whip something up at short notice or when you feel stressed and long for a dessert. Personally, no cake comes close to a Plum Cake. And anybody who questions the Plum Cake as being the no. 1 amongst all cakes is blind as a bat when it comes to appreciating cakes!


Plumber: MvB at his best! Don’t worry, after this rocking interview, I will send the tapes to various channels and when it is on air with amazing TRP ratings, I’ll procure my sponsors and will settle the account with the grocer and reappoint the cook and personally deliver the first Plum Cake so made to your doorstep.


MvB: Huh? Err…yes…that would be nice.

Plumber: Now MvB, surely this has been an amazing football season for you? With all your favourite clubs winning, you must be on a high?

MvB: High? Yes, obviously. In fact, now that you mention it again, it gives me great pleasure and sheer joy whenever I think about the moments of victory of my favourite clubs, Manchester United, A.C Milan and Real Madrid. Not in that particular order, mind you. But honestly, I knew all along in the beginning the season that this would be the year. I would have fallen off my chair laughing if someone said it would be Barca or Chel$ki. In fact, I knew it in the end of the last season, or may be in the middle of the last season? Wait, let me remember.


Plumber: That won’t be necessary. How would you react to those who say you are a glory hunter and someone who is stubborn enough to belittle other clubs?

MvB: I wouldn’t bother about them. I couldn’t care less about those who might mention such asinine comments. But definitely this interview is testing my patience. You are unable to provide me a Plum Cake and are indirectly claiming that some people think that I am a glory hunter. With the first plum cake, I also want the names, email ids, user ids, phone number, fax number, address, street, pin code, designation, nickname, formal name, job title and a passport size photograph of all those who think I am a glory hunter and whatever other things you have mentioned.

Plumber: Yes sir. Definitely. I should also like to ask about the most inspiring way you carry on any debate, absolutely frying the opponent on the other side and reducing him/her to bits before he/she can even know about such a debacle. How did you discover such a talent and how difficult is it not to lose it?

MvB: I don’t quite agree with what you said about me frying other posters. Sorry Plumber, but that is absolute rubbish and it goes past me. You think I fry my posters? How can you possibly even mention that? Frying is no good! Steaming is better, it always keeps the flavour intact. And I intend to do that with anyone who disagrees with me.

Plumber: Oh Sir, you are always at your best. But tell us about your thoughts on Chel$ki, Arse-hole-nil and Liverpuddle and their fans?

MvB: If I had the power, I would extradite all these football clubs and their fans into Alaska so that they can participate in the Alaskan Football League. But I should mention here, they would all still lose to the Grizzly Bears Football Club!

Plumber: How would you explain your lack of regular posts in the Formula 1 thread and your abstinence from the sport? Is it because you cannot frequently post Michael-is-the-greatest posts anymore?

MvB: Okay, no plum cake, I am a glory hunter; I fry other posters and now this. Who has written these offensive questions? Wait, before you answer that, I would like to answer to all those moronic pseudo-fans that I am over Formula 1. Michael has left the sport, and these days I only tune in to Formula 1 if life borders on being infinitely dull and non-existent.

Plumber: So life has been dull? You seem to be tuning into some of the races.

MvB: Plumber. Grrr… You are making me angry!
I have been only watching the races because any kind of allegiance that I may form with any one of driver is Massa. Thankfully he is still in the sport, and fortunately he has been beating his teammate and so time to time I can snatch some space to write how good he is. Although I have to perform my vanishing act when he commits stupid mistakes. And of course Michael-is-the-greatest post will definitely continue.

Plumber: There seems to be some problems with the questionnaire. I think it’s the carpenter and the grocer who has conspired with the questionnaire writer! Anyway, next question. With the huge influx of new users coming in, do you feel yourself threatened and insecure? Do you think that you are losing your touch? Do you apprehend that you may lose the battle of words one day?

MvB: What! That does it! Wait till I grab you and your questionnaire and you will feel sad of ever thinking about this show and inviting me over here. Me, the carpenter and the grocer will now create our own show!!

Plumber springs out of the sofa and runs around the set with Mr. MvB ACM No9 closely following him. After a lot of to and fro movement, breaking a lot of antique furniture MvB grabs Plumber by the scruff of his neck.

Plumber: Time out ! Time out! We need to sign off!

MvB: Why didn’t you just say that we needed to sign off?

MvB leaves Plumber, regains his composure, ruffles his hair, adjusts his jacket and his tie, wipes off the sweat and says…

Cheers!
- Darth M

[Plumber]

In a dazzlingly creative move, public discussion forums of the internet have come together and resolved to tap into a huge group of surfers: “unregistered members”, alternatively known as “guests”.

The President of Internet Public Forums Association was asked as to why this shift in focus from loyal registered members to guests, he said that it’s imperative for a business to keep on identifying new markets in order to survive and sustain the marketing momentum, and hence the need to tap into newer, unexplored market of consumers.


He said even if this move fails, it would not be an end, and they would tap into some other new market; if necessary, members who don’t use Internet at all. He said “In a knowledge-based economy, you either survive or perish; there can be no middle-way, like there were in many other past economies.” He also stated: "The ratio of Guest Members/Registered members is a huge number. For example in days, on a few public forums, we have some 1000 guests active for some 200 registered members. It will be tragic if we ignore them!"

One of the forums that are known to motivate its best members by giving material awards and remunerations has already completed an “awards ceremony” to celebrate its best “Guest” members.

Here’s a snapshot of some of the most popular awards:

Best Poster Chit-Chat: Guest 840

Funniest Poster: Guest 13

Most Sarcastic Post:

.

Best Post:

.

One user you would like to meet: Guest 420

Though the award-winners were all “guests”, the voters were all registered members. Surely, the registered members are still being valued, and are not completely being ignored.

It’s interesting to note that the prizes have indeed been circulated and have been given to the winners. The winning guest members had to send a PM (Private Message) to the respect mods./admins of the site, giving them their address where the prizes are to be delivered.

Some of the registered-members still regret the fact that they missed the opportunity to surf the forum as a “guest” and win a few awards. When one poster who had 5 posts to her name was asked as to what did she think of this event, she remarked: “I always dreamt of being a guest, lurk and leech the forums…But what could have I done?…My computer remembered my session, the result of which I could never log out and surf as a “guest”….Gosh!…Only I know how hard did I try for past 2 years! Hope these things don't happen to others!”

[zango]

Originally Posted by neena_772

Plus, moderating the persecuters of endangered species called Sachin Fans, would necessiate the application of good bit of management skills, you know.

P.S: Wasn't there some talk about "past their primes?"

[off topic]
Sachinnnnnnnnnnnn Sachinnnnnnnnnnn !!!