[fire_kris]

@ plumber: nice thread and gr8 reading as well... sackhim is sacked but the sorry part is for how long remains to be seen

by the way dont refer to Manchester united as MANU.... see http://www.pagalguy.com/forum/your-i...-club-221.html

premalink #5510 for reference....

[subodh_iit]

Both MvB and DG decided to meet in Sachin's restaurant.

MvB(coming in went straight to the Single person sitting in the middle. Though there were many singles in their 20s sitting there): Hello DG
DG (taken aback): How did you identify me??

MvB: Come On Yaar. K-Files is written on the back of your Tee. And I have a great memory.
DG: Oops.. You indeed have.

MvB: So, what is the Plan of Action??
DG: Well, we are going to stage a violent demonstration in the BCCI headquarters and then in Indian Parliament.

MvB: (holding back) DG, I am a respectable man employed in a respectable profession. Isn't a violent demonstration too much??
DG: Ohh!! You are unduly getting worried. We always work in team naa, unlike the typical Indians. We will lead the team until the gates. After that we will let it do the task and ourselves run away. I have already talked to Thackeray to arrange the team. And don't tell me you want a non-violent protest. After all that Gandhi bashing, a non-violent protest will look too outta place.

MvB: What if someone mentions our name?? I can't believe a word of that Joker Thaa-keray.
DG: Oh!! You think we are fools. We are anonymous for him. I only talked to him on phone and mentioned my name as Plumber.

MvB: Then its Okay. But I won't take part in any risky enterprise.
DG: What is this I, I, and I. Say we. We are a team. And we work well in a team.

MvB: No Yaar, I work in I-Company. I am obsessed with I.
DG: MvB, you have to get over this. All great movements survive due to a team.

MvB: To Hell with the Great Movements. Unless our people start thinking for themselves - in I terms, they will not be able to make a single step forward.
DG: I is what everyone thinks. We need people who can think in terms of we.

MvB: Oh! Shakespeare worked in a team to dish out that work. So did Einstein. Or for that matter Edison or Bell. Sorry, I failed to realize, the only real achiever is Gandhi who worked in a great team of a Million people.
DG: How the hell did Gandhi come into the picture?? Edison or Bell did not transform the fortune of America. They were only part of the system that fosters team culture.

MvB: I still fail to see any logic behind the constitution of a team unless each member can at least independently think for himself. And not be a liability in the team.
DG: Off course, our team will include only IQ geniuses. They all can think for themselves. Right.

MvB: I need time to get convinced. You see, I am a great debater and I do not generally give in. You are willing to bend your logic whichever way that is making it difficult for me to concentrate on a position and giving arguments.
DG: It is not the question of you and me getting convinced. It is the question of Us. Take your time and finally give in..

MvB: By the way, aren't we going to do something about Institutes of National Waste?
DG: Hey, I forgot to tell you. I have managed to get the authorities at IIMC to start a Casino. I have beaten every Prof and student into oblivion on the Poker Table there. IIMC has ceased to be a National Waste.

MvB: Agreed, but it only holds for IIMC. What about other IIMs and IITs?
DG: It is a low priority issue. First we need to tackle Tendulkar and Father of the Nation issue.

MvB: I would recommend Alex Ferguson for Father of the Nation
DG: That will be against your White Skin fascination principle.

MvB: Oh! than I will recommend scrapping of this post. Rather introduce Mother of the Nation.
DG: Excellent Idea. It will also undo the ills of age old discrimination against the fairer species. But who should be Mother of the Nation.

MvB: Crown anyone you like but spare the young ones. The last thing I want to do is to call them mother.
DG: Actually I was just thinking that we should do away with these Father Mother concepts. I doubt you will ever be able to respect anyone.

MvB: You are right yaar. And if I start criticizing the Mother of the Nation which we ourselves have appointed, it will be difficult to explain to to the low IQ populace.
DG: Right. By the way who was the last person you showed respect towards, in your comments.

MvB: (Starts remembering..) None that I remember.
DG: I think it will be better if we start the title Punching Bag of the Nation. That will be perfectly fine because no-one is better than you in heaping punches.

MvB: (Visibly Excited) Thats an excellent idea. And it should be treated as a Crime if someone heaps praise on him.
DG: Let us crown Sachin Tendulkar as the punching bag of the Nation.

MvB: Huh!! He is already the Punching bag. Let us crown Amitabh Bachan. It will be fun punching him. And we will have real fun doing it, because initially at least others will find it difficult to come with arguments.
DG: Yes, but he will lose his rhythm if we start criticizing him. It is difficult for people to stay focussed under such circumstances, no matter how mentally tough he is.

MvB: What we need are Iron Men. If he cannot stand up to stress testing, let him fall. We will then crown another person as the Punching Bag of the Nation to stress test him. Only this way, we can discover true leaders.
DG: (Overseeing Sachin and Anjali trying to lend their ears) Hey, Sachin is listening to our conversation. Good Bye, and make sure that you do not discuss these things with others. Lesser Mortals will fail to understand it.

[Mahip]

Good creative short stories abt MvB and DG! But we dont need a separate thread for this!
Continue here: http://www.pagalguy.com/forum/chit-c...ve-corner.html

Locked!

PS: There are too many new threads being opened here everyday! Please search for more generic threads and post there before opening a new thread. Thanks

[Mahip]

Renamed the thread after consulting Oxymoron: "Caricatures,Satire and Pseudo conversations of PGites ". Keep the discussions in a good natured way to poke fun for regular PGites! Thank you.

[Plumber]

Originally Posted by fire_kris

by the way dont refer to Manchester united as MANU.... see http://www.pagalguy.com/forum/your-i...-club-221.html

premalink #5510 for reference....

What Manchester United as MANU...Whhhhaaaaaaaaat are you talking about?

I don't know what's Manchester United!...Is it a GAY community or something?...If I wanted to refer to Manchester United, I would have used the term "Man U", isn't it?...

By "MANU" (and not "Man U"), I was referring to the person who's the author of the Hindu scripture-Manusmriti. Read more about it here:

Manu Smriti - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Sorry for putting the capslock on for the last 3 letters!

[MvB ACM No9]

Shocking indeed to know that the cloak of secrecy that was meant to cover my meeting with DesiGuru has been blown to smithereens. It would appear that the tentacles of the enemy did get uncomfortably close to us. I did feel that DG was devouring those squids with the same relish that he devours posters on the forum... Little did I know how close I was to the truth... DG, that show of destroying tentacles so nonchalantly does deserve credit and I doff my hat to the same...

It brings to my mind though, that incident when a MavericK moderator decided to find Moksha Sans Cat. It was an interesting interlude to say the least...

Cheers!
- Darth M

[anandv]

What next?

Round table conference with hotshot participants like: Mike, DG, Plumber, Subodh,Mahip,zango and live.

Moderated by Apurv ,neena and perspicacity (No bias plz)

[neena_772]

Originally Posted by anandv

What next?

Round table conference with hotshot participants like: Mike, DG, Plumber, Subodh,Mahip,zango and live.

Moderated by Apurv ,neena and perspicacity (No bias plz)

Considering me for moderation isn't such a good idea. I haven't got my life insured yet.

Plus, moderating the persecuters of endangered species called Sachin Fans, would necessiate the application of good bit of management skills, you know.

P.S: Wasn't there some talk about "past their primes?"

[subodh_iit]

In this edition, we bring you the latest scoop on DG's Interview with Carlyle Group Chairman.

It is neither a satire nor a real incident. Rather a parable for all Indians to start thinking in DG way.

DG was enjoying rounds of Poker in a famous underground Casino in Mumbai during his summers. The man at the whipping end today was none other than Carlyle chairman Lou Gerstner who was here in India to figure out opportunities and hunt for Professionals. Gerstner always believed in his poker face and potential to take risks and hence had this tendency to make big bets. He has not lost until now, but today he was losing big money.

As the rounds ended, Gerstner had ended up 100 G poorer in less than an hour – his worst loss ever. He was curious to know this young Indian who was able to beat the hell outta him. Upon learning DG's credentials, he immediately offered DG an Interview for the position of an Investment Professional once he passes out of IIM.

DG reached Hotel Taj at 09:00 AM sharp in a typical Desi dress and informed the reception. He was rushed to Gerstner's room. The interview went like this:

Gerstner: Good Morning PokerGuru.
DG: Good Morning Lou.

Gerstner: So you think you can contribute as an individual to Carlyle Group.
DG: Off curse Lou, I have always been fascinated by this field. The people working in the field are gems.

Gerstner: What makes you think so?
DG: Unlike people in IBs or MCs, who are always, doing a lot of paperwork and presentation prepping, this one requires the real stuff. And it is all about making fools of gullible ones – first employees of the company being acquired, then investors, and finally public – a thing that I love.

Gerstner: You derive pleasure out of making fools of others – just like you derived out of beating me left, right, and center in Poker yesterday. What are you?? Some sort of a Sadist.
DG: I am really sorry I beat you yesterday. Had you told me beforehand that you are going to hire me for Carlyle, I would have squared the position. And as for the gullible ones, they deserve to be fooled. Making fools outta them fulfils my self-actualization needs.

Gerstner: DG, Why do you think you will be a Value Addition to our group? You see you have nothing on this paper that suggests you are going to benefit us in any way.
DG: If papers could have conveyed everything about a person, there would have been no interviews. And India would have won last 2 World Cups in Cricket.

Gerstner: So, what have u that the papers do not show?
DG: Lou, your Group might be filled with Intellectual Gods, but you do not have the required experience in the group. I will fill in the need.

Gerstner: What?? Experience is all we have. Do you know we pick our employees with special care towards the Quality of work-experience? And that is what you are lacking in.
DG: I never said work-experience. I said experience.

Gerstner: What the hell is that?
DG: Lou, how do you identify opportunities? You read some balance sheets, operations, cash flow statements, and then come out with the conclusion. Every fool does it the same way. Lou, there is only so much talent – which these balance sheets seem to convey – can do. What distinguishes opportunities from Non-Opportunities is something mental.

There must have been 10 Infys in India and 100 in the world in 1996. They all must have similar balance-sheets. Why did Infy succeeded where others failed? Because its top executives had that mental make-up that allowed them to hold strong when others were running for cover. Did your group identify that opportunity? No, because your employees do not have any experience to judge the mental things.

I have vast experience in judging these sorts of things. That's why even without looking at any of the facts; just by observing their top execs my intuition will allow me to identify any opportunity. Intuition comes with experience. And that I have plenty courtesy Poker and PG.

Gerstner: What is this PG?
DG: Another opportunity.

Gerstner: I have had enough of your lectures. Tell me, if you are so mentally strong, why do you need to work for me?
DG: Because my intuition says you are a mentally strong person.

Gerstner: Then how the hell did I lose to you yesterday?
DG: Simply because you do apply intuition but unconsciously. Overtly you are a fact-driven person. Once I join, I will teach you methods to apply the intuition consciously. Conscious Application of Intuition can work wonders for you, because you appear even stronger than me purely on mental grounds.

Gerstner: You think I am a fool outta here. Just by praising me on the grounds that you yourself have discovered, you can get an offer from me.
DG: That is the unconscious application of intuition.

Gerstner: Okay DG Baap, take the offer letter from me and get out of here.

Disclaimer: All incidents and names are fictional and any resemblance with a person – living or dead is purely coincidental.

Coming Next:

• MvB's appointment as Man U's coach after Ferguson's resignation.
• Neena's turn-around of Liver-puddle err.. Liverpool as a Marketing Manager.

Stay Tuned.

[MvB ACM No9]

It was a typically bleak evening in London that forced the bespectacled Waynus Moderatus to decide to take a short break to sunny Spain, helped by the knowledge that Arsenal, having just been soundly thrashed in the midweek game were resting and licking their wounds with a break on the weekend. No match on the weekend meant that Waynus was free and what better way to enjoy oneself than to take a short break to the Continent?

Once there, Waynus decided that a trip to the Bernebau may be a decent way to spend his time given that the night featured the Clasico... What we now recount are the high points of the evening and the takes of Waynus from his Evening in Madrid...

1600 GMT: Waynus decides to attend the match that night and gets tickets at the throwaway price of 500 euros in the black market... As the little chappie that sold the tickets said, "O Senor, thees ees vairy cheapa. Inside that way, teekeets go more than 1000 euroza. Madrid beeg team.." As a fresh I-Banker from an IIM, 500 E didn't really hurt Waynus much...

2000 GMT: The kickoff. Waynus is amazed by the noise levels... Being used to the Library... Sorry... the Emirates Stadium, this was hardly what he expected... "Uncouth boors", he mutters...

2008 GMT: Ruud van Nistelrooy caps off a brilliant 7 man attack with a stunning volley to give the home team a lead. The Bernebau doesn't have a roof, which is a great positive, for had there been one, the cheer would have blown it off! Waynus smirks. "Henry would have done it better... And celebrated better too... Darn, I miss the pout!!!"

2047 GMT: Half-time with Madrid leading 2-1. Fantastic goals from Messi and Higuain have followed RvN's effort and Waynus is beginning to enjoy the atmosphere... "Not too bad... Perhaps a little more noise at the Library may actually help..."

2105: Ronaldinho scores to level things up at 3 apiece. Waynus finds that he himself is groaning with the crowd... Astonished, he turns to the man next to him... "Ah! Senor! You Eengleesh? Ah good! I likee your footoball. It reeemind me of my school team... Vairy fast. No talent, but that's ok... And that Manchester team... Ronaldo gooood. Someday, when he become great, we make him a Madridista!"
W: "Ah! But what about Henry?"
S: "Onree? Oh! We theenk about getting heem to carry our dreenks, but we decide that Owen look better, so we take heem instead..."
W:"Oh! But Arsenal play the best football you know. The best football ever. We are the Invincibles!!!"
S: "Oh! Well senor, please do let me know when they become good and reach your Primera then... When they beecome that level, I weel try to watch..."
W: "Hey! We've won the Premier... I mean... Primera... more than 3 times!!!"
S: "Ooooooh! One of your heestorical teams, eh? I weel try to reada... Oh! GOOOOOOOOOAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLL!!!!!!"

2106: RvN rifles home a stunner to restore Madrid's lead and Waynus finds himself cheering wildly...much to his ironic dismay!
S: "Oh Senor...I tolda you... That Ruud man...Why you Eengleesh sell him???"
W: "Well, we've still got Ronaldo! I mean... United still has Ronaldo!"

2149: The match finishes with Madrid winning 6-5 with a last minute winner from Ruud which completes his hat-trick to trump Messi's own hat-trick... Waynus finds himself swept along with the crowd, screaming with joy and heading to the local pub...

At the pub:
S: Oh Senor! You dreenk with us? We lika you Manchester people...
W: But...
S: Oh yes... You play the footoball like Madridistas in intent. If you had some good players, you may even be like us. Steel, we lika your intent!!!
W: Yes, but...
S2: Oooh! Eengleesh? Have peg free here! For Manchester United then! And cheers to meeting in the final of the Champions Liga!!!
W: But, Arsenal...
S3: Oh! I heard of them once... Some team that holds the record for not scoringa eh?
S: Oh they have records for that? hahahah! Cheers! Another one, Eengleesh? Thees one for Madrid and Torres!!! Miguel of course...
W: Well... OK...

23:59:59: Waynus crawls into bed... With his head swimming and with Spanish and English songs on his lips... "This awd man, United, with a paddy whack... Why don't City f*** off home... Forza Madrid...No wait...that's Italian...where'sh my bed? Shtay shtill...Oops... Hala Madrid!, ¡Hala Madrid!
Noble y bélico adalid, caballero del honor... A triunfar en buena lid, defendiendo tu color.. Deepest red..." Splat...

To be continued:

Cheers!

- Darth M