[man_friday]

I have taken come of the "constructive criticism" received for my last post and tried to phrase the title of this thread more appropriately. Have also been more judicious with the language. Changed the word ***** to freak etc. Also took Subodh's advice and tried to tinker with the formatting by using lines, numbers, bold font and the rest of that artistic shit. So here goes ........

Getting Away with Murder

- Man Friday

The wonderful thing about our country is how it throws up surprise after wonderful surprise, never ceasing to bring smiles to the faces of its billions. After the GIMP’s continuous antics and the cricket team’s valiant attempt to win the Great Indian Laughter Challenge, it is this time the turn of the judiciary and the police who join forces to give everyone a wonderful warm feeling inside. For, it has been revealed that in our country you can kill seven people and get just six months in prison. That’s approximately 26 days per life taken and even less if you’re lucky enough to get the month of February as part of the sentences. You could probably whittle it down to even less if your negotiation skills are as good as my mathematical ones (please not that Trash editorial only gave a rough figure whereas I was far more accurate)

For all of you pricks who are sitting there with your mouths open waiting for flies to go in, wondering what I am talking about, I am obviously referring to the recent judgement in the Alistair Pereira drink, act like a mad man, kill some poor people and run case.

The court as usual released some bull shit statements about the lack of evidence. Trash of Islamabad quoted the “honourable” judge A.P. Mishra, or as Alistair’s uncle likes to refer to him “The good man” as having identified the following gaps in evidence:



1. There was no proper sketch of the accident site drawn up to show how fast the car was going.

I have just a few questions about this.

• Do sketches really reveal speed? I thought they were two dimensional and didn’t move. Thank God I didn’t become an architect or a cartoonist.
• How slow can a car be going if it’s engine has been ripped out of the bonnet?
• How fast does a car have to go to kill seven people?
• How fast is a car allowed to go when it’s on the FRIGGING PAVEMENT?

Of course I am sure that the court and Alistair’s lawyers would give me wonderfully convincing answers to all these questions such as ‘The engine had loose motions and was feeling really hot in the bonnet, so it tried to run away”, “The people were really light yaar, the car just touched them and they flew” and “Arey baba, the pavement looks like the road only at night”.



So let’s move on to the second point of contention.
2. There was no forensic evidence to show that Alistair was drunk

I know this sounds really ridiculous, but the police have an excellent excuse. Investigating officer Meenakshi Patil confronted the angry press explaining that it had been impossible to get any evidence to this effect as Alistair had been holding it in since November. She managed to say all this even as suspicious looking yellow droplets were trickling down from her mouth to her cheeks.



3. No high profile court case would be complete without its share of hostile witnesses.

In this case it seems that Alistair’s fellow passengers on seeing the beauty of death magically sprung wings and flew away. There is also some crap in the trash about some watchmen etc. not showing up. There is the regulation story about someone having his spectacles shoved up his ass and therefore being unable to identify pictures taken by a photographer who was apparently able to take pictures of the accident before it even happened. I say screw the case and let’s get to know this photographer. I want to know my future.



This one is my absolute favourite

4. The “good man” says that one of the reasons he could not persecute Alistair under the appropriate law was a lack of INJURY CERTIFICATES

Yes, because, it is not good enough simply to have dead and injured people. It is necessary to have written statements saying that the people are indeed dead or injured and not just pretending as part of a game they are playing with their children or mistaken for dead when they are in fact just sleeping with a bit of blood splashed on them.



5. The great Mumbai Mara has attributed another brilliant observation to the “good man”. They quote him as saying that the police offered NO EXPLANATION FOR THE ACCIDENT. Hmmm….I can just imagine what amazing explanations Alistair and his brilliant lawyer Manjula Rao came up with in court. I think they may have sounded a little like this :

“Those people were really dark”
“There were some pixies in the bonnet playing with the engine”
“But I drive drunk every night and nothing’s ever happened before”
“Those people jumped on my car because they were jealous of me”
“But sir, I played hockey for my school”
“It was Salmaan!!!”



The trash have of course done a good job of kissing the judiciary’s ass by placing the blame for the mild sentence squarely on the cops for not providing enough evidence. I hate to be a little upstart, but allow me this one minor observation.
You have dead people. You have a smashed car. You know who the driver is. HOW MUCH MORE FREAKING EVIDENCE DO YOU NEED?

The brilliance of our judicial system is that the onus is on the prosecution and not the defence. There is no reports anywhere of the defence being pressurized by the court to come up with some alternate explanation for the accident apart from obvious inebriation and the fact that the driver was A Big Stupid Moron. It would at least been nice if the defence had bothered to come up with some fake reports proving that the car malfunctioned or that there was a huge orange eagle that suddenly flew across the road and distracted Alistair. But in this case the defence has got away with simply saying “ I don’t know why he did it, but it certainly wasn’t because he was drunk”.

Mean while Alistair feels that even the meager 6 months is too long for him to spend alone without suckling on his Mamma’s breasts and is planning to appeal.
Police Chief Dhananjay Jadhav played it smart by simply repeating the phrases “I have to read the reports” and “ I will look in to the matter” a hundred times each in response to all the press’ questions.

Any way, none of this really matters. For as the Mumbai Mara reports Alistair’s girl friend Nicole has broken up with him. They have also been kind enough to show a picture of Nicole’s panties on their front page, strictly for informative reasons of course.
So while the families of the seven killed and the 8 injured clasp on to the measly 5 lakhs that the driver has been fined, they can at least sleep soundly knowing that Alistair ain’t getting any.

P.S. For all of you who want to respond negatively to this article, bear in mind; In India a life is worth 26 days and I have a pretty sharp knife in my kitchen drawer.

[rishabh1985]

awesum post ..

this time i would say uve arrived ..! for real ..

lets dissect this post ..

1st para : awesum
2nd para : marvellous
.
.
.
.
.
3rd last para : you cudve done without the panties part ... but overall .. wud say nice job ..!

ending .. was befitting the article .. dats all i wud say ..

chalo den .. i'm signing off ..

waiting fer more articles like dese ..

rishabh

[subodh_iit]

As usual dissatisfied with the title of the thread... It should have been titled "Indian Judiciary: Pros and Cons" or something on the line.. Then you could have explained a few cases like Priyadarshni Mattoo, Nitish Katara, GoI vs. Court and offered ur take in the first post. After that it wud have been better had u mentioned that Judiciary always somehow manages to stay away fro controversy despite a none too good track record. Let us discuss it here.

And then second post should have contained that satire. With a bit more light on facts.

Rather you again narrowed it down to a disparate incident in Mumbai.

PS - Mods, If possible please change the name of the thread..

[estranged_gnrs]

Originally Posted by man_friday

Getting Away with Murder

- Man Friday

Dear me!!! The first question I want to ask you, do you think pagalguy.com is a site for pimply wankers ( thats what you call yourself yesterday , so I can take the liberty of quoting you ) who aspire to be good writers ?
If its that what you think , then you are completely wrong.It is a community and a discussion forum.So if you write something with your views concretly imposed in your statements, you leave nothing to be discussed.

Now , as you must be aware, that am totally against usage of words which I cant use in my business communication or say in front of my parents.
So let me try to rephrase few things written by you and let you decide which sounds better

artistic shit - artistic compliances.

For all of you pricks who are sitting there with your mouths open waiting for flies to go in - For all of you dim-witted souls who are sitting...blah blah..

And for the sake of leaking tap joints, please stop imagining the response of the readers, cos you are not good at it


spectacles shoved up his ass - shoved up his posterior

posterior sounds cute, and drives home the point too

Rest of whatever you have written, there is nothing new. All the facts have been discussed in media in some or other tone. So again , its a let down.,more because, cos in attempt to create a satire, you have taken help of a serious incident which involves death and tried to make a joke of it.

Originally Posted by man_friday

P.S. For all of you who want to respond negatively to this article, bear in mind; In India a life is worth 26 days and I have a pretty sharp knife in my kitchen drawer.

I think i have not been much positive here and cant make you anymore ehch eye vee negative.And for the knife in your drawer, better sharpen your pencils, cos you are not much use with the keyboard anyway!

Cheers,
Rohit

[sanaa]

@man_friday
terrible post.

The great Mumbai Mara has attributed .....
For as the Mumbai Mara reports Alistair’s girl friend Nicole has broken up

what the heck is Mumbai Mara?!!! Atleast get the name of the newspaper right !

Mean while Alistair feels that even the meager 6 months is too long for him to spend alone without suckling on his Mamma’s breasts and is planning to appeal.

titillating,cheap language. ugh and yawn

They have also been kind enough to show a picture of Nicole’s panties on their front page, strictly for informative reasons of course.

strictly for informing you , those are tights attached to a skirt which female dancers wear.
but whatever to get attention right?

[vineetmanghani]

Originally Posted by estranged_gnrs

It is a community and a discussion forum.So if you write something with your views concretly imposed in your statements, you leave nothing to be discussed.

I beg to differ on that point. The very purpose of a "discussion" is different people putting forth their varied viewpoints. And I see no harm in starting off a discussion by giving one's one views first. In fact, that's the preferred way I suppose!

Sure, in this case, there's nothing much to discuss anyway! Not many would be willing to come forward and say "No, he deserved the 6 months and nothing more", even if they feel that way.

Originally Posted by estranged_gnrs

Now , as you must be aware, that am totally against usage of words which I cant use in my business communication or say in front of my parents.

Last time I checked, pagalguy was a place where I could express my views in the way I wanted to. If I'm expected to use language which I would use with my business partners or parents, I'd go and discuss these issues with them rather than waste my time typing out these posts. Plus, it's not my business partners or parents I'm talking to here. It's a little thing called freedom of speech which pagalguy used to afford its members.

Originally Posted by estranged_gnrs

So let me try to rephrase few things written by you and let you decide which sounds better

I guess by posting in the way he's done, he's pretty much made his decision known, as to which sounds better. I guess you're just putting forth what you think sounds better.

Originally Posted by estranged_gnrs

And for the knife in your drawer, better sharpen your pencils, cos you are not much use with the keyboard anyway!

Now I don't know what this particular member has done in his 3 posts to piss off so many people. This is the first post of his I've read. But this was certainly uncalled for.

About the article, well, I'd say it's pretty well written, and the guy's tried (quite succesfully I might add) to let people know how he feels. I guess there's no law against that. Sure, not much scope for discussion, but then let's appreciate the effort and give credit where it's due. At least don't discourage a n00b (I presume!) like this!

Cheers,
Vineet

[IndiGuy]

well guys i think rather than discussing on each others posts too much...
(already too much has been done on tht)....we shd move into the main topic and debate tht...

everyone feels tht the police hasnt been able to do its duty....( and i wonder what cd be the reason..).....humorous reasons r coming up....1 person forgot to get his spectacles and hence cudnt identify the photos


also photos and negatives dont match???


also wondering y the others in the car along with alistair were not called as witnesses???....( btw i know one of those in the car very well))....

many questions...dont know from where the answers will come...

[Plumber]

what the heck is Mumbai Mara?!!! Atleast get the name of the newspaper right !

Brilllllllliant lady!!...Thanks for enlightening that poor chap, who's failed to get the name of the newspaper...oops tabloid right...Infact, even I was reprimanded when I used the term Trash of Islamabad(TOI), instead of Times of India. I mean, I agree with you that there's no excuse for not getting the name of that tabloid right!

And next time, he is going to use precise names, so that he gets acussed of de-faming, and making false accussations against a newspaper?...Ok?!

titillating,cheap language. ugh and yawn

Yeah...Mumbai Marr...oops Mumbai Mirror is certainly better especially when it has quotes from the likes of Chaman Singh...oops Amar Singh, and some average dudes from the hinterlands of Bum-bai..oops Mumbai!Hey!in each case, I got the names right on my second attempt, will that be acceptable to you?

strictly for informing you , those are tights attached to a skirt which female dancers wear.
but whatever to get attention right?

True...very essential, and critical to the point that he's(man_friday)is trying to drive home...But shouldn't he have also stated the color?I mean, if he would have, you would expect him to get that right as well, aint it?...naah!?

Btw, welcome to a "satirical" world! and thanks for making a post that was genuinely funny.

still....ROFLM-P-O(A for A*** gets replaced by P for Posterior!)

Cheers!

[sanaa]

Originally Posted by Plumber

Brilllllllliant lady!!...Thanks for enlightening that poor chap, who's failed to get the name of the newspaper...oops tabloid right...Infact, even I was reprimanded when I used the term Trash of Islamabad(TOI), instead of Times of India. I mean, I agree with you that there's no excuse for not getting the name of that tabloid right!

Ah yes , i read that the poor chap is your friend . I would have hoped he replied himself .
I must say that the Trash of Islamabad immediately comes across as funny and saracastic. Alas , after reading your friends post I could not assume any basic or mature level of intelligence and was genuinely scared that it was a mistake . My apologies if it was "intended"

And next time, he is going to use precise names, so that he gets acussed of de-faming, and making false accussations against a newspaper?...Ok?!

i would say that he is indeed defaming , not only the newspaper but the poor girl . with his statement about the picture of her with her "undergarments" showing ( am sorry for being a "prude") . Like i stated it is just not true and i fail to see anything "funny" or
"sarcastic" in this statement.

Yeah...Mumbai Marr...oops Mumbai Mirror is certainly better especially when it has quotes from the likes of Chaman Singh...oops Amar Singh, and some average dudes from the hinterlands of Bum-bai..oops Mumbai!Hey!in each case, I got the names right on my second attempt, will that be acceptable to you?

it has nothing to do with Mumbai Mirror being better or not . Your friend used titillating , cheap language ( according to my sensibilites) and I pointed that out . I dont care what quotes the newspaper uses , that is irrelevant and digressing from the point .

True...very essential, and critical to the point that he's(man_friday)is trying to drive home...

:neutral: i have nothing against the issue or any serious points your friend was trying to make . I have serious objections to the language and phrases used

But shouldn't he have also stated the color?I mean, if he would have, you would expect him to get that right as well, aint it?...naah!?

ofcourse

Btw, welcome to a "satirical" world!

this "satirical" world needs references to a son sucking on his mothers breasts? maybe "your" satirical world .

and thanks for making a genuinely funny post

thanks for missing the point . oh maybe i am a prude or should stay away from the thread if am offended , right ? or maybe i dont have a right to find his post "terrible" ?

still....ROFLMAO

Cheers!

i am sorry you find it funny . anyway glad to be of some help

[Mahip]

What is going on the threads started by Mr. man_friday? :huh: Only postmortem of his post and nothing else, no discussion on the topic :huh: And I don't understand why Mr. man_friday is not participating in the discussion and Plumber is replying on his behalf? :huh: Making first post as a new thread and then disappearing from the same thread is of no use! Better post the same thing on a blog and not start threads on PG.com if no discussion is needed!

Some clarifications needed!
And the language used by Mr. man_friday is still very unpleasant!