[gaurav200x]

We live in the 22nd century, man has gone to the moon, there is inter-mixing of cultures, we have become modern and trendy by the day, yet if we look around we still see some practices being followed around us, which show how rigid and backward we still are in our thinking. In the recent past, one of this incident happened with my friend.

This guy was incredibly in love with a girl and the girl also loved him a lot. Both were very happy, had seen so many future plans, but fate had something else stored for them. As ill-luck would have it, one day the girl's parents came to know about the affair. She was severly reprimanded and went through a high mental agony. Even my friend was in a miserable state. The reason being, that the girl's father is an orthodox hindu brahmin who doesn't believe in love marriages and plans to get the girl married according to his wishes to a hindu brahmin only. This came as a severe shock to me. Both the guy and the girl were very well suited for each, understood and cared for each and I can say it with a lot of confidence, that if they had managed to become a couple, they would surely have had a great married life.

However, what fails to get acknowledged here is the attitude of the girl's father. I just do not understand what would he ever achieve in getting the girl married to someone whom she doesn't love, or would such an alliance assure that the girl would get the same love as that with my friend? Is it really necessary to get married in one's caste? Does it provide some sort of social and emotional security or something which my friend couldn't provide? Was the girl's father right in putting his needs before his daughter's?

I really fail to answer these hounding questions and they leave me absolutely clueless !!!!

What has really happened to us? Why are we still hell bent on the age old traditions which hold absolutely no meaning? Why can't we open our minds to just a little bit and explore the world outside? No.... we don't do that.... Why? Because thay say that, that has been the practice in my family for generations and hence I refuse to change myself with time.

At times, we become such hypocrites that we fail to realise the big difference between we do and what we say? We would take the lord's name day-in and day-out. Chant 'Hare Krishna, Hare Rama' with every breath, but forget their deeds.
Lord Krishna and Radha's sacred love has been bowed upon by the entire world. We bow and pray to thee. Sita Mata selected her life partner through a swayamvar (gathering in which the bride chooses the most eligble match for herself amongst a number of potential candidates)

We know all this. We have been teaching all these epics to our children and great grandchildren in the form of sacred texts, yet when it comes to us, we still choose a non-sensical approach. I would like to ask the readers one simple question? What is the difference between an educated girl and an illitrate one if she doesn't even have the freedom to choose her life partner? What is the difference if she is being merely tethered from one hook (her parent's house) to another hook (her future home) against her wishes?

Frankly speaking, i am clueless here....

In today's world, it is very rare to find love. People just aren't that committed and even if such a falling off happens, they easily make a transition to a new partner. Even if you forget about pre-marital affairs, for a moment, how many people in a marriage, are actually committed to their spouse? So who gives the guarantee that an arranged marriage within one's own community or caste can enforce such a commitment.

Either we are too naive or just prefer to keep our eyes closed, despite knowing all this; and what about the more modern, educated ones? The girl just preferred to go alongwith her parents wishes without even talking properly to her parents, despite being so educated, despite knowing that what she is doing is wrong. But she is a girl, perhaps her will power doesn't allow her to talk back to her parents. As a matter of the fact, she was so scared of her parents, she never even talked to the guy properly... !!

If you ask me, the advocates of caste-based marriage are a bunch of selfish people, who blindly follow what everyone else follows. They do not love their children and are selfish enough to kill their child's likes for the sake of their own, just to show their fake pride and honour; and those who just go alongwith this baloney have no right to call themselves as educated.

However, i do pray to God to bless them both with peace and comfort in their minds and a happy future for both of them.....

p.s. I started this thread because I felt and i have seen many many couples going through the same fate and it is important that we understand that these age old customs need to changed now.

However, if the mods feel otherwise, they can do whatever they wish.

p.p.s I do not intend to hurt anyone's sentiments, nor do i want any brick-battering on this thread. So I request all to take the issue in the lighter vein.

Regards,
Gaurav Mittal

[warrior]

Originally Posted by gaurav200x

We live in the 22nd century, man has gone to the moon, there is inter-mixing of cultures, we have become modern and trendy by the day, yet if we look around we still see some practices being followed around us, which show how rigid and backward we still are in our thinking. In the recent past, one of this incident happened with my friend.

This guy was incredibly in love with a girl and the girl also loved him a lot. Both were very happy, had seen so many future plans, but fate had something else stored for them. As ill-luck would have it, one day the girl's parents came to know about the affair. She was severly reprimanded and went through a high mental agony. Even my friend was in a miserable state. The reason being, that the girl's father is an orthodox hindu brahmin who doesn't believe in love marriages and plans to get the girl married according to his wishes to a hindu brahmin only. This came as a severe shock to me. Both the guy and the girl were very well suited for each, understood and cared for each and I can say it with a lot of confidence, that if they had managed to become a couple, they would surely have had a great married life.

However, what fails to get acknowledged here is the attitude of the girl's father. I just do not understand what would he ever achieve in getting the girl married to someone whom she doesn't love, or would such an alliance assure that the girl would get the same love as that with my friend? Is it really necessary to get married in one's caste? Does it provide some sort of social and emotional security or something which my friend couldn't provide? Was the girl's father right in putting his needs before his daughter's?

I really fail to answer these hounding questions and they leave me absolutely clueless !!!!

hmmm

What I think : Do you actually like to go with a girl who is ready to leave her parents with whom she has spend 20 yrs. I mean if she can leave her parents (for some whom she knew for less than a year) some day she can leave you also if she finds someone better. Can you trust such a person ???
There is no harm if your parents concur but without that its like cheating ( damm i cant think for a better word)


P.S. : equally applies for he (boys) also.

[Uptowngal]

Originally Posted by warrior

hmmm

What I think : Do you actually like to go with a girl who is ready to leave her parents with whom she has spend 20 yrs. I mean if she can leave her parents (for some whom she knew for less than a year) some day she can leave you also if she finds someone better. Can you trust such a person ???
There is no harm if your parents concur but without that its like cheating ( damm i cant think for a better word)


P.S. : equally applies for he (boys) also.

I would'nt want to be a girl who leaves her parents whom she has lived with for twenty years(to quote you),however,I would definitely not be the girl who breaks her commitment to the man to whom she promised to spend the rest of her life with....

[warrior]

Originally Posted by Uptowngal

I would'nt want to be a girl who leaves her parents whom she has lived with for twenty years(to quote you),however,I would definitely not be the girl who breaks her commitment to the man to whom she promised to spend the rest of her life with....

If both the things work nothing like that. But that rarely happens. What If you need to choose one.

[Uptowngal]

Originally Posted by warrior

If both the things work nothing like that. But that rarely happens. What If you need to choose one.

Well,all parents want their children to be happy..if the child makes her parents understand why she has made this particular decision and takes responsibility for her actions then I dont see why parents wont give in.Yes,some parents take more time to get convinced as compared to others.However,If done in a reasonable manner and if you are mature enough to make them understand then I believe all parents would agree even if they understand a bit reluctantly.
At the end of the day,they are our parents,they have given us roots,they might jus hesitate a lil to give us wings ,but they will definitely be content to see us soar

[goyal_saurav]

Read all the posts twice. I appreciate Gaurav for puttin his views and others for their individual comments...! I respect all the views and am not against any of them.

But then something I wish to take on ! Just think from ur heart !

We are saying that how can u trust a girl who leaves her parents for you ??? I mean how can one think of this comparison.. Is it that in all fairness, we saying that we have no trust at all in our love.. And if that is the case, trust me we do not deserve to have our love at all.

Just imagine, what it takes for a girl to go against her parents and come down for her love.. How many do it? And those who do it, i stand and salute them.

My point, what do parents want ultimately. They want their daughters or sons to be the happiest kids in the world and have the best of the married lives. Now, why against love marriage. Is not it that by doing so, they are just conforming to the requirements of Society - Somethin I fail to understand. Its like What will people say has more priority than what will my daughter feel..! It doesn nothing but ultimately ruins the life of both the boy and the girl in contention and their respective spouses. Then does the so called society come forward to help the family..

Another view, if parents let the girl or the boy stand on their wish and let them marry. What happens? True, calls for some unwanted and disgusting comments from some sections of the society. But then people like these exist for passing these comments. They will anyway keep doing so.. Be it good or bad. But, on the contrary the kids have an awesome married life built on trust and love. And they have an awesome happy life which in the long run makes the parents happy...!

My take, at the end my life boils down to my spouse & kids and the same chain moves on. Its a hard fact which we gotta accept. Its only my spouse and kids whose gonna stand for me when i reach my old age. Take this sub comment in the right sense..! I am not at all against Parents.

So, in all fairness, I agree to Gaurav and say that parents should be helpful to their kids when it comes to matters like Love Marriage and their decision should not at all be based on Caste, Color or What people will say?

But, they have all the right to see if the guy or the girl is not a bad choice made by their kids. But, this decision should be taken in the right spirit without being BIAS..!

Last but not the least, let us come forward and unite for the noble cause of eradicating Caste, Creed, Color or What the Society will Say like factors from the minds of parents whilst making a decision on the lives of the kids.. (include me in the kid too) !

I assume i am taken in the right spirit!

[aastha juneja]

Originally Posted by goyal_saurav

We are saying that how can u trust a girl who leaves her parents for you ??? I mean how can one think of this comparison.. Is it that in all fairness, we saying that we have no trust at all in our love.. And if that is the case, trust me we do not deserve to have our love at all.

Just imagine, what it takes for a girl to go against her parents and come down for her love.. How many do it? And those who do it, i stand and salute them.

My point, what do parents want ultimately. They want their daughters or sons to be the happiest kids in the world and have the best of the married lives. Now, why against love marriage. Is not it that by doing so, they are just conforming to the requirements of Society - Somethin I fail to understand. Its like What will people say has more priority than what will my daughter feel..! It doesn nothing but ultimately ruins the life of both the boy and the girl in contention and their respective spouses. Then does the so called society come forward to help the family..

Another view, if parents let the girl or the boy stand on their wish and let them marry. What happens? True, calls for some unwanted and disgusting comments from some sections of the society. But then people like these exist for passing these comments. They will anyway keep doing so.. Be it good or bad. But, on the contrary the kids have an awesome married life built on trust and love. And they have an awesome happy life which in the long run makes the parents happy...!

i agree with what u say here but sometimes parents have to be sturn..we guys sometimes dont seem to understand our parents point of view...if its just about being married to other class i agree its not right but the point here is you are suoposed to spend all ur life with that guy..cultures matter..its never easy to adapt into a new culture..i have seen girls getting married into an orthodox family for the love of their guy and then crying all life for that freedom..does this come to any use??:
there are always two sides to a coin..it all depends on which side you wanna see and which you prefer???

[Uptowngal]

Originally Posted by aastha juneja

i agree with what u say here but sometimes parents have to be sturn..we guys sometimes dont seem to understand our parents point of view...if its just about being married to other class i agree its not right but the point here is you are suoposed to spend all ur life with that guy..cultures matter..its never easy to adapt into a new culture..i have seen girls getting married into an orthodox family for the love of their guy and then crying all life for that freedom..does this come to any use??:
there are always two sides to a coin..it all depends on which side you wanna see and which you prefer???

I understand where you are comin from but isnt it better to adapt urself to a new culture than losing the love of ur life?Yes,it is difficult,it might lead to frustation and pain but wont it all vanish in the arms of ur loved one?I might sound a bit too romantic when I say all this but seriously,I believe in it too:satisfie:

[aastha juneja]

Originally Posted by Uptowngal

I understand where you are comin from but isnt it better to adapt urself to a new culture than losing the love of ur life?Yes,it is difficult,it might lead to frustation and pain but wont it all vanish in the arms of ur loved one?I might sound a bit too romantic when I say all this but seriously,I believe in it too:satisfie:

i agree with you and nothing sounds better than that..but its not just him we have to live with..ill still love to agree with u but REALITY BITES!!
i know im sounding critical but watching someone close in such situation makes me ponder!!

[goyal_saurav]

Originally Posted by aastha juneja

its never easy to adapt into a new culture..

Don temme that anything come easy in life.. Everything has a cost associated to it.

Originally Posted by aastha juneja

i have seen girls getting married into an orthodox family for the love of their guy and then crying all life for that freedom..does this come to any use

Its a point of personal contention. My take, all about my priority list or how much importance i give to my love. If my Love is my priority or my culture is.. Rem culture is good to have but to a certain extent. Culture does not feed me or support me once i reach my old age. Then the onlything where i can look for a shoulder is LOVE.

Originally Posted by Uptowngal

Yes,it is difficult,it might lead to frustation and pain but wont it all vanish in the arms of ur loved one?I might sound a bit too romantic when I say all this but seriously,I believe in it too:satisfie:

Well Said and nicely worded..! Atleast makes big sense to me !