[goyal_saurav]

Originally Posted by gaurav200x

@saurav: Great post and totally agree with u. Every father wants only good things for their daughters. But isn't it the fathers duty to atleast talk to the boy/his family before rejecting the matter altogether? I don't think that being strictly orhodox on this matter would be of benefit to anyone!

Very true. Thats what i have maintained all through in my life and have posted the same in my first post to this thread. Parents should not reject the boy / girl in contention without getting to know them. Its stupid to take a decision as big as this coz of being prejudice to Caste, Color, Race or What will the society say?

Parents like these really make a mistake ! They have no right by any means to take a step as harsh as this.. In all fairness, they are sabotaging their own happiness by doing so !

[warrior]

Originally Posted by gaurav200x

lolz.... lots of amazing responses on the matter and i am deeply indebted to all of you for presenting your views.

@warrior: yes, i agree with u. The girl has spent 20 years of her life with her parents and they definitely come first. But what is commitment in love, if u can't stand by it till ur last effort? I mean, isn't that something to strive for, instead of taking the highway straight away? People believe in love because it binds them with strong feelings. The same thing applies here. The mentality of the people can't be changed in one day, but if u don't put in sufficient effort to get what u want, then, in the end, u get what u receive from life. Isn't that the same case with examination. You work for it, u pass or else u do not (just a sublime comparison)

everybody seems to be talking so much about love and commitment here. But I think they are not able to understand there true meaning.

you are so worried about the commitments you made to a person whom you know for a brief period of time. What about your commitments towards your parents.

and when it comes to love no love can measure more than your parents love. If a you are bartering it for sth else you are always making a bad decision in which you have to loose at the end.

and hey one minute . your so called loved one, loves you for what u are today. And what you are today is very much because of your parents.
Belive me if luck goes out of your way and you land up in some problem you can find him/her going out of your life too. ( that actually happened in many cases and you too will agree). that's not the case with parents.

[goyal_saurav]

Originally Posted by warrior

everybody seems to be talking so much about love and commitment here. But I think they are not able to understand there true meaning. you are so worried about the commitments you made to a person whom you know for a brief period of time. What about your commitments towards your parents.

Wait wait wait !

Which set of commitments are u talking about. Remember one thing, by going towards the love of ur live, u are not showing any disrespect towards ur parents. And the ponint of contention in this thread is not to provoke people to go against parents. Rather, we are trying to say that Parents should be more accomodating..

Rem one thing, after 40 years of my marriage, its gonna be my spouse and not parent to give me a shoulder to.. Its a hard fact, accept it.

Originally Posted by warrior

and when it comes to love no love can measure more than your parents love. If a you are bartering it for sth else you are always making a bad decision in which you have to loose at the end.

Barterin.. Come on ! If i marry that does not mean that I start loving my parents lesser and lesser. Why cant u imagine a happy family lifer after marriage. Yes, it comes with a rider that the parents should be understanding enough to accomodate the girl.

Originally Posted by warrior

and hey one minute . your so called loved one, loves you for what u are today. And what you are today is very much because of your parents.
Belive me if luck goes out of your way and you land up in some problem you can find him/her going out of your life too. ( that actually happened in many cases and you too will agree). that's not the case with parents.

Then , it was not love at all.. I am sorry but then u have not understood what love is. Its unconditional. The saying goes right, one gonna jump in water to feel if its cold or not !

[aastha juneja]

Originally Posted by warrior

everybody seems to be talking so much about love and commitment here. But I think they are not able to understand there true meaning.

you are so worried about the commitments you made to a person whom you know for a brief period of time. What about your commitments towards your parents.

and when it comes to love no love can measure more than your parents love. If a you are bartering it for sth else you are always making a bad decision in which you have to loose at the end.

and hey one minute . your so called loved one, loves you for what u are today. And what you are today is very much because of your parents.
Belive me if luck goes out of your way and you land up in some problem you can find him/her going out of your life too. ( that actually happened in many cases and you too will agree). that's not the case with parents.

first of alll its not about going against ones parents..they are and they always will be the most imp aspect of ones life..its about the understanding b/w u and ur parents...its about how well u understand eachothers need and
individuality..
its never advisable to break one comitment for another but its about making the right choice at the right time..

[warrior]

Originally Posted by goyal_saurav

Wait wait wait !

Which set of commitments are u talking about. Remember one thing, by going towards the love of ur live, u are not showing any disrespect towards ur parents. And the ponint of contention in this thread is not to provoke people to go against parents. Rather, we are trying to say that Parents should be more accomodating..

Even today u seems to be asking from your parents. Why are you so selfish. why cant you accomodate them. This life wont suffice if you make a list of sacrifices your parents have made for you.

Originally Posted by goyal_saurav

Rem one thing, after 40 years of my marriage, its gonna be my spouse and not parent to give me a shoulder to.. Its a hard fact, accept it.

for your parents it was "my childrens" which obviously wont be there for them.

Originally Posted by goyal_saurav

Barterin.. Come on ! If i marry that does not mean that I start loving my parents lesser and lesser. Why cant u imagine a happy family lifer after marriage. Yes, it comes with a rider that the parents should be understanding enough to accomodate the girl.

In that happy family only you seems happy boss. even if your parents have accepted their is always something which remains.

Originally Posted by goyal_saurav

Then , it was not love at all.. I am sorry but then u have not understood what love is. Its unconditional. The saying goes right, one gonna jump in water to feel if its cold or not !

person who cant understand his parents how does it matter he has understood other things or not.

[goyal_saurav]

Originally Posted by warrior

Even today u seems to be asking from your parents. Why are you so selfish. why cant you accomodate them. This life wont suffice if you make a list of sacrifices your parents have made for you.

Accomodate them.. U mean to say that turning away my love for reasons beyond acceptance (Read Caste, Color, Race or What Society will say?) is accomodating them. The question here is not to generate a list of sacrifice(s) and am sure parents don make those host of sacrifies for the want of some.

Its all about my happiness and at the end if i am happy, my parents will be the happiest parents !

Originally Posted by warrior

For your parents it was "my children" which obviously wont be there for them.

In all fairness, are u saying that if I am allowed to marry my love, I will not be at all loving or caring towards them. Lol ! Seems funny conclusion to me!

And what guarantee you take that the girl which my parents select for me will be there for them when they need us !

Originally Posted by warrior

In that happy family only you seems happy boss. even if your parents have accepted their is always something which remains.

Well if there is something which remains, then they are Biased. And a Bias decision does not help any. Neither me nor them !

Originally Posted by warrior

person who cant understand his parents how does it matter he has understood other things or not.

Now, looks like you are biased ! I do not have any clue at all about ur remarks. Look if something is wrong, its wrong. No questions who is the party to it. And where is the question of understanding or non understanding.

Either i am missing a logical flow in ur comment or u are saying that If Parents reject a girl who happens to be my love for reasons explained above, them i should accept their decision. And this will amount to a better understanding.. !

[aastha juneja]

i think the only thing here is that u cant clap with one hand unless u slap someone...so its always better to have a keen ear and listen to what the other party has to say..
i mean if u respect someone ull surely get back respect...if we respect their values they are sure to undestand our love...you have to be there for ur parents no matter what..and remember they know us better than we know ourselves..all of us will never be happy without each other...

[warrior]

Originally Posted by goyal_saurav

Accomodate them.. U mean to say that turning away my love for reasons beyond acceptance (Read Caste, Color, Race or What Society will say?) is accomodating them. The question here is not to generate a list of sacrifice(s) and am sure parents don make those host of sacrifies for the want of some.

Its all about my happiness and at the end if i am happy, my parents will be the happiest parents !



In all fairness, are u saying that if I am allowed to marry my love, I will not be at all loving or caring towards them. Lol ! Seems funny conclusion to me!

And what guarantee you take that the girl which my parents select for me will be there for them when they need us !



Well if there is something which remains, then they are Biased. And a Bias decision does not help any. Neither me nor them !



Now, looks like you are biased ! I do not have any clue at all about ur remarks. Look if something is wrong, its wrong. No questions who is the party to it. And where is the question of understanding or non understanding.

Either i am missing a logical flow in ur comment or u are saying that If Parents reject a girl who happens to be my love for reasons explained above, them i should accept their decision. And this will amount to a better understanding.. !

that shows the flow. You seems to belive that you are more intelligent than your parents. Do you think that with our little precious knowledge we may equal our parents experince of the real world. Individual can be too easily be influenced by the effects of love to make a logical choice but the chances are reduced when their is a collective decision by family members.

If traditions have survived, they must have survived for some good reasons. Not all things survives time. To understand the traditions fully you need great thinking on your part which I must admit none has ( not even those pandits and maulyi's who call themselves the religion head).
Parents and other relatives who have been involved in the marriage arrangements have an emotional investment in the success of the marriage and form a valuable support group to the couple. If there are problems in the marriage, well-meaning elders may intervene to sort things out.

In the start it all look good. But as the relaity unfolds thinks suddenly seems gloomy. Marriages simply based on romance are doomed to failure due to the partners having unreasonable expectations of each other and with the relationship having little room for improvement

marital incompatibility has been found to be the major reason for divorce arranged marriages ensure a much higher probability of success because they tend to match persons of the same religion, cate , dietary preference (e.g., vegetarian), linguistic group, age group, socioeconomic background, education, professional status, physical stature, etc.

As most of are going be be managers Following one's head is often wiser than following one's heart: Important decisions such as a corporate merger must make business sense to practical analysts and not just appeal to the whimsies of the respective CEOs. Marriages are really no different and no less important. What is idealistically called "love" and "individual choice" is often the infatuation of the moment, which often passes when it is too late and the marriage has already taken place. Having elders vet the prospective spouse and their family is a kind of "due diligence" that needs to take place.

For love marriages the divorce rate is higher than for arranged marriages.
This is often attributed to the fact that couples who enter into arranged marriages are usually more "traditional" and less likely to forfeit a marriage.
Arranged marriages, offer more protection, security to the women. As the parents decides the family. Parents make use of maturity and wise decision while choosing suitable spouses for their children. The mature decision of parents sometimes helps to make the right choice. And in case a marriage breaks girls have to bear the burnt. Consequences are more divasting if that happens to be a love marriage.

[maheshtk_21]

The person one marries ceases to matter after a little time.
I dont think it makes such a huge difference.
The only advantage of going with ones parent's choice is that it is easier to get divorced in this case,coz u did it with parental support and guidance.so u can fall back on them.

So what matters is how painful can ur spouse be.It is a question of magnitude really.

In this case there is not much cultural difference. So it is foolishness on part of parents to insist on caste ,gotra,etc.

[Digital_Saint]

Originally Posted by Uptowngal

I understand where you are comin from but isnt it better to adapt urself to a new culture than losing the love of ur life?Yes,it is difficult,it might lead to frustation and pain but wont it all vanish in the arms of ur loved one?I might sound a bit too romantic when I say all this but seriously,I believe in it too:satisfie:

UTG, this goes for all and not just you:

What is love of life? Why dont we ever see a handsome guy fall in love with a girl who may have physical deformities/medical ailments and vice versa? Why does a guy look for a beautiful girl when falling in love (and vice versa). How does the dictionary 'love' explain this?

Secondly, you may be ready to adapt to the boy's family. Not every girl can/does.

Thirdly, when the parents look for a match in the same community, it not only means the same culture, the parents also look as to how sound his family is economically. Sounds cliche but at the end of the day the guy also has to have a bank balance big enough to run the family and more! That arbit guy that the girl chose to love(?) may not come up good enough on their standards.

If the guy is obscenely rich, do you really think this issue creeps in there?

Yes, the parents who 'force' their children to marry in that fashion are wrong but it should be the guys/girls themselves who should see as to what's good for them in the long run.

Originally Posted by gaurav200x

Why are we still hell bent on the age old traditions which hold absolutely no meaning? Why can't we open our minds to just a little bit and explore the world outside?

It may not hold any meaning for you. But the same traditions have run successfully for so many centuries.

PS: Call me old-school but these are my personal views. :satisfie: