[warrior]

Originally Posted by aastha juneja

i agree with you and nothing sounds better than that..but its not just him we have to live with..ill still love to agree with u but REALITY BITES!!
i know im sounding critical but watching someone close in such situation makes me ponder!!

agreed mam. why people tend to think parents can or dont want to find a suitable match.
okay this may be sth out of league but in :"hum dil de chuke sanam" even the girl admits who is a better match for her. her choice or her parents choice.

[Uptowngal]

Originally Posted by aastha juneja

i agree with you and nothing sounds better than that..but its not just him we have to live with..ill still love to agree with u but REALITY BITES!!
i know im sounding critical but watching someone close in such situation makes me ponder!!

I am in a similar situation too and trust me,if you try then there is nuthin like it,my fiance's family atmosphere is very different as compared to mine,I am not trying to make them adapt to my ways,I being a single person can try to conform to their way while still maintaining my individual beliefs.Either I am too lucky that my in laws and fiance are supportive or maybe if we all try n give it our best then it works
Anyway,all the best...may u never have to come across such a situation

[gaurav200x]

lolz.... lots of amazing responses on the matter and i am deeply indebted to all of you for presenting your views.

@warrior: yes, i agree with u. The girl has spent 20 years of her life with her parents and they definitely come first. But what is commitment in love, if u can't stand by it till ur last effort? I mean, isn't that something to strive for, instead of taking the highway straight away? People believe in love because it binds them with strong feelings. The same thing applies here. The mentality of the people can't be changed in one day, but if u don't put in sufficient effort to get what u want, then, in the end, u get what u receive from life. Isn't that the same case with examination. You work for it, u pass or else u do not (just a sublime comparison)

@saurav: Great post and totally agree with u. Every father wants only good things for their daughters. But isn't it the fathers duty to atleast talk to the boy/his family before rejecting the matter altogether? I don't think that being strictly orhodox on this matter would be of benefit to anyone!

@aastha: What you say is also correct, but think of the current situation. If the girl did select the boy, she would have known the kind of cultural background. In fact, my friend and his family are very liberal and open in their hospitality. Too much cultural difference might come say if one is a South Indian and one is a north Indian or if one is a hindu and another one is a muslim, but not where both the people are Hindus from North India.

[Uptowngal]

Originally Posted by warrior

okay this may be sth out of league but in :"hum dil de chuke sanam" even the girl admits who is a better match for her. her choice or her parents choice.

yeah right!coz indian audience would have hated it if she would have left the goody goody ajay devgan who did so much for her.We must not forget that she didnt make the decision to be with ajay devgan coz her parents had chosen him but bcoz she fell in love with him for who he was,to quote,if i remember it rightly,she says'Pyaar ka aslee matlab mujhe unhone sikhaya'....she said'pyaar' when explaining it to salman and not 'pitaji'
Its one of my fav movies though(I appreciated the passion with which she loved Salman)

[warrior]

Originally Posted by Uptowngal

I am in a similar situation too and trust me,if you try then there is nuthin like it,my fiance's family atmosphere is very different as compared to mine,I am not trying to make them adapt to my ways,I being a single person can try to conform to their way while still maintaining my individual beliefs.Either I am too lucky that my in laws and fiance are supportive or maybe if we all try n give it our best then it works
Anyway,all the best...may u never have to come across such a situation

You seems to be a strong and at the same time lucky too. But neither everyone is that strong nor everyone is that lucky. most of the time they have landed in quagmire.

but when you can live your life smoothly then why do you want to put speed breakers. as in why you ant to complicate the things not only for you but for all those who are related to you. ( in joint families these sort of things become a big issue).

[gaurav200x]

Originally Posted by warrior

but when you can live your life smoothly then why do you want to put speed breakers. as in why you ant to complicate the things not only for you but for all those who are related to you. ( in joint families these sort of things become a big issue).

There are two ways to live life. Either u accept who/whatever comes to u (whether good or bad) and be contented with it or come out of the normal bondage and try to achieve what YOU want.

In which group would u like to be?

[aastha juneja]

Originally Posted by gaurav200x

@aastha: What you say is also correct, but think of the current situation. If the girl did select the boy, she would have known the kind of cultural background. In fact, my friend and his family are very liberal and open in their hospitality. Too much cultural difference might come say if one is a South Indian and one is a north Indian or if one is a hindu and another one is a muslim, but not where both the people are Hindus from North India.

now thats where even go against parents...in this case i think and my due respect the girls dad but he is just trying to satisfy his ego...if we kids are asking their permission it means we respect them and need their views and permission but this doesnot mean to show such autocracy...

[goyal_saurav]

Originally Posted by warrior

You seems to be a strong and at the same time lucky too. But neither everyone is that strong nor everyone is that lucky. most of the time they have landed in quagmire.

Thats not because of luck. thats because people have failed to understand what love is and what it takes to spend life with the person you love. If tom, my dad agrees to get me married to the girl i love, its not luck. Its a simple case of he being understanding to me. Lets not atleast make Luck responsible for a happy start to anyone's love life.

Originally Posted by warrior

as in why you ant to complicate the things not only for you but for all those who are related to you. ( in joint families these sort of things become a big issue).

Whose complicating things! Pardon me, i did not get the message !

[aastha juneja]

Originally Posted by Uptowngal

I am in a similar situation too and trust me,if you try then there is nuthin like it,my fiance's family atmosphere is very different as compared to mine,I am not trying to make them adapt to my ways,I being a single person can try to conform to their way while still maintaining my individual beliefs.Either I am too lucky that my in laws and fiance are supportive or maybe if we all try n give it our best then it works
Anyway,all the best...may u never have to come across such a situation

hey thanks dear and all my best wishes to you too...and i believe ur true faith will surely make you happy..

[gaurav200x]

Originally Posted by aastha juneja

now thats where even go against parents...in this case i think and my due respect the girls dad but he is just trying to satisfy his ego...if we kids are asking their permission it means we respect them and need their views and permission but this doesnot mean to show such autocracy...

One thing i would like to add here. Everybody wants good only. Whether it is us or whether it is the parents, so the basic issue boils down to understanding. At the end of the day, it shows how much understanding u have with ur folks and how much u can re-assure them that ur choice isn't wrong.

Let them test the boy (or the girl) and then decide upon his/her nature alone.

What difference would it create if one is a brahmin or not ?