Everyone must post only funny jokes here , no pj’s
Everyone must post only funny jokes here , no pj's
The boss was complaining in a staff meeting the other day that he wasn't getting any respect.
The next day, he brought a small sign that Read: "I'm the Boss !"
He then taped it to his office door. Later that day when he returned from lunch,
he found that someone had taped a note to the sign that said: "Your wife called, she wants her sign back!" 😃
A petrol station owner in Ludhiana was trying to increase his sales.
So, he put up a sign that read, 'Free Sex with Fill-Up.'
Soon Santa pulled in, filled his tank and asked for his free sex. The owner told him to pick a number from 1 to 10. If he guessed correctly, he would get his free sex.
Santa guessed 8, and the proprietor said, 'You were close. The number was 7. Sorry. No sex this time.'
A week later, Santa, along with his friend, Banta, pulled in for another fill-up. Again he asked for his free sex. The proprietor again gave him the same story, and asked him to guess the correct number. Santa guessed 2 this time. The proprietor said, 'Sorry, it was 3. You were close, but no free sex this time.'
As they were driving away, Banta said, 'I think that game is rigged and he doesn't really give away free sex.' Santa replied, 'No it ain't. It's not rigged at all. My wife won twice last week.'
A social worker who had recently transferred from the big city to the mountains was touring her new territory. She came upon the tiniest cabin she had ever seen. Intrigued, she knocked on the door. "Anybody home?"
A child's voice answered, "Yep."
"Is your Father there?" "Pa? Nope, he left before Ma came in.
" "Well, is your Mother there?" "Nope, Ma left just before I got here."
"Are you never together as a family?"
"Sure, but not here. This is the outhouse!"
Jeeto came running up to Santa jumping for joy.
Not knowing how to react, Santa started jumping up and down along with her.
"Why are we so happy?
" Santa asked.Jeeto, "Honey, I have some really great news for you!""Great" he said, "tell me what you`re so happy about."Jeeto stopped breathless from all the jumping up and down. "I`m pregnant!"
Santa was ecstatic as they had been trying for a while. Santa grabbed her, kissed her, and started telling her how wonderful it was, and that he couldn`t be happier.
Then Jeeto said "Oh, honey there`s more."
"What do you mean more?", he asked.
"Well we are not having just one baby, we are going to have TWINS!
"Amazed at how she could know so soon after getting pregnant, he asked her how she knew.
"It was easy" she said, "I went to the pharmacy and bought the 2 pack home pregnancy test kit and both tests came out positive!"
Banta was in court charged with parking his car in a restricted area.
The judge asked him, if he had anything to say in his defence.
"They should not put up such misleading notices," said Banta.
"It said, FINE FOR PARKING HERE."
Banta thought his wife, Preeto, was cheating on him.
So he waited for her to leave that night and jumped in a taxi to follow her.
By following her he found out she was working in a whorehouse. Banta says to the driver, who incidentally happens to be santa "Wanna make Rs 1000?"
Santa says, "Sure, what I have to do?"
Banta replied that all he has to do was go inside the whorehouse and grab his wife and put her in the back of the taxi and take them home. So Santa goes in.
A couple of minutes later the whore house gets kicked open, and Santa is dragging this woman out who is kicking, biting, punching, and fighting all the way to the taxi.
Santa opens the door to the cab, throws the woman inside, and tells Banta, "Here hold her!!"
Banta looks down at the woman and says to the driver, "This is not my wife". Santa replied, "I know, it's mine; I'm going back in for yours!!"
For his wife, Jeeto`s birthday party,
Santa ordered a special cake with this inscription: "You are not getting older, You are just getting better.
" When asked how he wanted it arranged, Santa said, "Just put `You are not getting older` at the top, and `You are just getting better` at the bottom."
It wasn`t until Santa was ready to serve the cake that
he discovered it read:
"YOU ARE NOT GETTING OLDER AT THE TOP
YOU ARE JUST GETTING BETTER AT THE BOTTOM."
Why Hindu Law doesn't permit second marriage?
Answer:- Indian Constitution article 20(2) says: "No human can be punished twice for the same offence...
Sleep with an open window tonight!
1400 mosquitos like that. 420 mosquitos commented on it. 210 mosquitos shared this.
One mosquito invited for the event. 2800 mosquitos will be attending the event.
“My wife suffers from a drinking problem.”
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“Oh is she an alcoholic?”
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“No, I am, but she’s the one who suffers.”
Harry prays to God: Dear Lord, please make me win the lottery.
The next day Harry begs the Lord again: Please make it so I win the lottery, Lord!
The next day, Harry again prays: Please, please, dear Lord, make me win the lottery!
Suddenly he hears a voice from above: Harry, would you kindly go and buy a lottery ticket.
A wife complains to her husband: “Just look at that couple down the road, how lovely they are. He keeps holding her hand, kissing her, holding the door for her, why can’t you do the same?”
The husband: “Are you mad? I barely know that woman!”
A man asks a farmer near a field, “Sorry sir, would you mind if I crossed your field instead of going around it? You see, I have to catch the 4:23 train.”
The farmer says, “Sure, go right ahead. And if my bull sees you, you’ll even catch the 4:11 one.”
What's the opposite of "Dominoes"???
think
think
think
think
think
think
think
think
think
think
think
tired of thinking???
Well the answer is "Domi doesn't know"
A: I have the perfect son.
B: Does he smoke?
A: No, he doesn't.
B: Does he drink whiskey?
A: No, he doesn't.
B: Does he ever come home late?
A: No, he doesn't.
B: I guess you really do have the perfect son. How old is he?
A: He will be six months old next Wednesday.
Patient: Doctor, I have a pain in my eye whenever I drink tea.
Doctor: Take the spoon out of the mug before you drink.
How would u calculate volume of a person who's memory is lost????
Think.......
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Simple. Its 1/3 (pi *r*r*h)
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do u know why............
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b'coz he repeatively says,
"mein CONE hun???"