Questions to ask in arrranged marriage meeting?

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In next few weeks, I will be meeting and interacting with few 'prospective spouses' through matri websites or newspapers or refferals. However, I am not really sure what to ask for in the first meeting with the girl.Please suggest me some questi...
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@ankan14 Don't want to start a Group Discussion here on Love Vs Arranged marriage as it is not the purpose of this thread.. I support both kinds of marriages equally. But you got to agree that some things are beyond our imagination on how they work.. Believe me, Arranged marriage system is little painful but an amazingly beautiful concept that results in long lasting relationships.. But your ques is also valid that how can they?? That too in very few meetings (sometimes just one).. Answer to this is "instinct". That instinct may come from many things like her general aura, her disposition, her walking style, her talking style, her carrying style, your own judgement (which comes from experience/age).. At last, you will get a FEEL when u will talk/meet with that person that "Bingo, she is the one!"..

This is not to say that everything is left to luck...but yes, at least a part of it is ..
And it's just amazing how it works..look around, interview people who underwent arranged marriage and u will find most of them echoing above paragraph!

Lastly, don't confuse divorce rates with the kind of marriage. It has nothing to do with love or arranged as "logically" it can happen anywhere where there is no "understanding / trust / respect / compromise" between the partners..
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@cutie.pie
hahahahahahahahahaha on your 'ghar basane hi chale gaye' comment.. :P
Regarding how many no of meetings I have before deciding:
It won't be much..2 or 3 may be at max.. though obv. no boundations on talking on phone and chatting..
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whoa!!! :mg:

what a thread. :D

i will read every post and then comment more. :D

hats off to your creativity, puys. :D

www.raghavabbhi.com | My take on CAT: http://www.pagalguy.com/discussions/all-i-wanted-to-speak-about-cat-25002933/6315307
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@koyal1990 Well marriage has become a kind of contract, a deal... Not just from guys side but from girls too... If a guy is an IITian and earns in lacs, not many care about knowing the real person before getting their daughter married to him!! I mean they protect their daughter from so many guys and then gives her to some random rich guy is insane if you think!! And yeah guys need a kaam wali, and now kaam wali who is also working... And some losers are still so proud of asking for dowries.. And then he wants kids too and will tell her to leave the job.. Basically he wants a slave!!

Coming back to the topic,, how can you decide your life partner with an interview, thats rubbish for me... You can never know a person while they have hidden intentions.. Like if they want to impress you, they can lie without limits and may be convincingly... To know a person, you need to be friends without anything pre-planned .. I hate the concept of arrange marriage.. If you can find a guy/girl like that, great.. If not then you can always date which i guess may not be that much acceptable in all families of India!! You should marry when you get a right partner, not when its age.. ideally.. But I understand the family pressure and everything, you can't do much about it except trying your best to find a good partner..

They say love marriages end up more in divorces, and while i dont support divorces, love marriages have generally more equality, and so they speak out!! But i have seen so many arrange marriages (a couple in my relations too, but i guess am blessed to have a great family) where the husband is so shitty who could never ever get a girl in his life, but is now married to nice girl whom he treats like shit and the girl being from a typical indian conservative family says its alright he is my husband he can treat me anyway!! Well comparing that situation, i would say i will take divorce anytime!!

So my point is, do you really think you can know the real person inside and decide you want to spend rest of your life with them by interviewing them?? Aren't there are guys you meet in everyday life with really bad first impressions and end up best friends with them... Or some one you adored from day 1 only to find out later that they are shitty too!! You need to be friends first to know the real guy/girl.. Even that is not a guarantee for a great relationship but chances are way better!!
Build your dreams,, or someone will hire you to build theirs!!
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@harry4u9 said:
Madam main aapko chand dikha raha hu ab ungli ki dishe me galti nikal rahe hoI dont think anybody will marry someone just to take care of his parents i think u also have misunderstood what those guys were trying to say lemme re quote it " I want you to take care of my parents as they are aging" To me this sentence only means i expect my life partner to be caring to my parents.I agree to it when u say that any reason to get married that doesnt involve you isnt a reason enough but i think this "leave her house & settle in the guys house" card is a bit over played i dont understand just because the guy will continue living in his own house doesnt mean his life doesnt change drastically he also has to adjust to new realtives as his own, his responsiblities also increase 2 fold his sacrifice is equal to of a girl.
well to each his own.. your opinions and outlook will not match with mine and the simple reason being we are two different human beings altogether :
regarding the equality of sacrifice, well I totally disagree (with absolute due respect to your beliefs sir) but there is no point getting into that discussion here and unnecessarily cluttering this thread.. personal opinions are bound to vary and I am not being one bit feminist when I say the sacrifice of the girl is much more.. but we should leave it here I guess... 😃 :)
regarding the misunderstanding part, well no. I understood him very well.. I got him right he insisted on finding a girl so that she cud take care of his parents and his "responsibility" would lessen that way as he doesn't stay in a this part of the world. The girl will have to stay with her in laws here and look after them (well that pretty much says it doesn't it??? ).

I wud love to continue if only there wasn't a fear of being reported against. whatever be it, I am all respect for all that you said and it was an absolute pleasure talking to you... :).. I wish I had a choice but I guess I'll have to end it here sir ..
How far can you go to get what is yours?
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@koyal1990 said:
absolutely not sir!! I am not the kind who wud generalize stuff... every girl/guy wants to look after their parents... I wud obviously not get married to someone keeping in mind that the moment I step into the house I shall instigate my husband against his parents and persuade him to shift elsewhere.. we all hail from decently educated families and know the value of parents.. you seem to have got me completely wrong.1. sense of humour is a QUALITY. you want your partner to be funny just like your partner wants you to be a good cook.. (just a random example). everyone has their own set of preferences and he/she is free to state them.2. just like the son can be the only son, the daughter too can be the only daughter and after marriage will have to leave her parents and settle down with her husband who myt live in a different continent altogether. Now just like he has a void of responsibility, I too have one.. BUT, my point is it is not right to state that as a reason for getting married. yess, after marriage it becomes a unstated duty/responsibility and I don't have a problem in carrying that out. but if you are getting married coz you want a girl to take care of your parents, I am sorry I don't approve of such a marriage. you get full time nurses to do that as well.. so what is exactly the difference between a nurse and me??to follow your analogy sir, I am not getting married coz I am in search of a humourous person, if that is the reason then well ya, she is definitely looking for a comedian. but if I rephrase it this way, "my partner should have a good sense of humour" makes it infinitely more dignified. similarly "I am getting married coz I need a partner who shud be caring towards my parents" is the right way to put it.. there is a lot of difference between the two. you are getting married, it is your life, she is going to leave her family and settle down for the rest of her life with you, give her some respect!! where is your individuality if you are getting married just to get a girl home who'll take care of your parents??? and anyway, not just this, any reason to get married that doesn't involve YOU, isn't a reason enuf... I repeat if it's a matter of just taking care of your parents, there are many alternatives.. you don't really need to ruin a girl's life for that. yess, as a quality in her, being caring towards seniors of the family is much appreciated.. but that as a primary reason- I HAVE MAJOR RESERVATIONS AGAINST SUCH GUYS!!! P.S- just my personal opinion!!
Madam main aapko chand dikha raha hu ab ungli ki dishe me galti nikal rahe ho

I dont think anybody will marry someone just to take care of his parents i think u also have misunderstood what those guys were trying to say lemme re quote it " I want you to take care of my parents as they are aging" To me this sentence only means i expect my life partner to be caring to my parents.

I agree to it when u say that any reason to get married that doesnt involve you isnt a reason enough but i think this "leave her house & settle in the guys house" card is a bit over played i dont understand just because the guy will continue living in his own house doesnt mean his life doesnt change drastically he also has to adjust to new realtives as his own, his responsiblities also increase 2 fold his sacrifice is equal to of a girl.

Everything seems impossible till its done--Nelson Mandela https://www.facebook.com/pages/Xpressionism/238984152788657
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@koyal1990 said:
aaahhhhh... It surely does... and I can defend all my above mentioned statements but I wudn't want to risk being reported against..... I only wish I could continue.. but spamming is a strict ...
Well, if your arguments help in making a decision regarding the questions one should ask during arranged marriage meetings, it will not count as a spam 😃 .. I hope this post is not counted as spam :wow:
Without approach, I will just ignore the post
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@soham2208 said:
But perceptions change with experience and age. A time comes when you drown yourself in fear of losing out on options because of the high demand and skewed market supply


aaahhhhh... It surely does... and I can defend all my above mentioned statements but I wudn't want to risk being reported against..... I only wish I could continue.. but spamming is a strict ...
How far can you go to get what is yours?
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@koyal1990 said:
lol... haha..... it's not experience sir.. it's about perception.. I strongly believe in being opinionated!! and anyway I have seen people stating such reasons for getting married!! it's disappointing to say the least...
But perceptions change with experience and age. A time comes when you drown yourself in fear of losing out on options because of the high demand and skewed market supply :splat:

Well, anyways, the questions I would ask:

1) Education details ?
2) Interest in music / books ? (Discussion can go on according to the response here)
3) Movies ? [One mandatory requirement: "Before sunrise" has to be in the movies watched list :|, no compromise here]
4) Parents, brothers, sisters etc ? Whom does she look up to, if anyone ?

I guess this is the overview, and once we are fairly done with this, I would know by the responses, how she is, etc. And I don't want a fixed template on my mind, because that is very unnatural to me :|

Online chatting coupled with regular meets after this may help to get more information 😉 :splat:
Without approach, I will just ignore the post
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@soham2208 said:
It seems that the kids who are not even out of their colleges are more experienced than me
lol... haha..... it's not experience sir.. it's about perception.. I strongly believe in being opinionated!! and anyway I have seen people stating such reasons for getting married!! it's disappointing to say the least...
How far can you go to get what is yours?
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