Need help in reviwing The SOP

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Hi I am woman working in USA a senior software test engineer and grdudated in 2002 from India. I am planning to apply for MBA in one of the US schools. one of the question is what are the key attributes of sucessful leader? describe yourself...
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Hey,
I'm applying for Visionary leadership in manufacturing programme jointly provided by IIMC,IITM,IITK .I've to write 2 things in the form .

1.write three activities you performed in ur workplace in the last five yearswhich will will help us assess ur abilities and strength.

2.Narrate an important/unusual incident of ur life when u face demanding/challenging situation and how u overcome from this and what lesson u learned from the incident .I think 1st 3 points will b more useful .please suggest.


I'm writing in following way.I request you to put it in a more organized and stylish way .also check the grammatical error without changing content.


  1. Mentoring and taking theory class of operators regarding SOP, process, equipments handling, fault findings to strengthen the team and smooth running of plant with maximum output.
  2. Initiated an experiment and won SARJANA award which is a internal recognition of creativity for betterment of plant. There was a critical problem in the department when I joined .Gave an idea and now it is working excellent which saves lot of time. Unfortunately review committee didnt approve 2nd time for SARJANA .
  3. After joining NALCO,luckily got chance to work with a senior whom I always

admire professional point of view. He is so actively involved with the job and
never mind if it is operators job or maintenance job. I tried to inculcate the same
enthusiasm and earned respect ,confidence from sub-ordinates as well as seniors.
It works wonderfully and gives lot of self-satisfaction.
4. Member of officers association
5. Handled dispute among management and union.
6 .Saved money by extinguish fire.
7. Recently undergone training of ERP.
8. Participated in e-governance programme organized by NPCIL in Gangtok .
9. OHSAS training





Personal
I left the previous company for preparing MBA and get into a good college. I did qualify for XIM,B and IIT,R. Though I dint get a final call for without any of my fault. I had a final call from IIT,R. I did appear for NALCO with insistence of my father and get selected .In the mean time, when I was getting ready to take admission in IITR, my sister marriage was fixed. But that time our financial condition was not so good. That time was very demanding and needed me to behave in a responsible way. So I took up the job for a good cause of my family.

I learned to take decision in a matured way. Ambition is always commendable but sacrifice family for that leads to dismay. From than onwards, whenever I face a confused situation, take a piece of paper, draw a vertical line and write down pros and cons both side of line. That really works wonderfully.
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Also,here is a thread that might be able to give you some info on SOP:

http://www.pagalguy.com/discussions/mba-admissions-thread-of-gyans-25019927

All the best.

Only thing i like about stone in my path is, when I cross them, they become my milestones!
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Hi

I am woman working in USA a senior software test engineer and grdudated in 2002 from India. I am planning to apply for MBA in one of the US schools. one of the question is what are the key attributes of sucessful leader? describe yourself as a leader. I tried to put my thoughts below and I would like to know your comments.

Below is the SOP



Vision is the attribute that drives the leader, the reason for existence and motivation behind the business. A strong leader always inspires others to join the quest to fulfill the vision. The leader understands that the business must meet the needs of the people and it must motivate the customers to buy and motivate the employees to perform the work. Successful leader seek responsibility and take responsibility for the actions and develop a sense of responsibility in the employees. The leader should be a result oriented and measure the progress towards achieving the results.
The spirit of growth has the cornerstone of my success, which has enabled me outgrow my stiff hurdles and reach the pinnacle of professional excellence from a modest rural background. I studied hard and secured an admission in one of the reputed engineering college in Tamilnadu state. My intermittent visits to my village inspired many girls and opened up before the village community the virtues of education. I took the advantage of the fact now I was the highest educated person in the village and started motivating the village panchyat (the rural democratic government at the grass root level in India) and opened primary and high school within the village. I even educated the farmers on water harvesting and its benefits.
I always had a fascination towards the Information technology and it is the promising field for younger generation in India. I successfully completed my graduation and selected in Tata Consultancy Services during the Campus interviews. I had the luxury to work with one of the best mangers and had a very good exposure in the corporate environment. It was learning experience for me where I had an opportunity to understand the Information Technology business and how it impacts the people across globe.
I came to United States in 2003 and had an opportunity to work in New York and Tax finance IT department as a Software Consultant. I worked very well with team and led the testing effort modernization legacy systems to the web based systems. I worked with the business stake holders for this initiative and convinced to follow the Quality management process to reduce the number of defects and ultimately a reduced the total cost of the implementation. I always believe that prevention of defects is always had an advantage of fixing the defects. I convinced to IT department to involve the QA group in during the Requirements Analysis phase to better understand the scope of the project. In fact, studies have shown that, once a piece of software makes it into the implementation, the cost of fixing an error can be 100 times as high as it would have been during the development stage.

In my current assignment, I had an opportunity to work with Process Management group and provided the necessary inputs in creating the QA best practices to use across the organization. I also involved working with Business users who are in Japan, China and Scandinavian Countries and I believe the XXXX school provides an opportunity to improve my leadership skills to understand the global opportunities and challenges where I deal regularly in my day-to-day activities.
As a human Being, I believe only education improves the living standards of any country. I started an organization Wings-of-Hope to help my village children who are in need. This organization helps us find the children who are not financially weak and provide the help. We regularly conduct classes in English and self improvement to induce confidence and inspiration to the children. I motivated more than 15 members to join our organization and our goal is to bring all the children in the village and nearby villages to attend the primary school and help the students who planned to attend professional courses.
I aspire to reach the top echelon of the corporate organization where I would be able to make strategic decisions and contribute towards the success of the organization. I love challenges and managing a company is one big challenge that excites me. I strongly believe that XXXX MBA would provide the necessary environment to enhance my skills to enter into the enter the dynamic corporate world and fulfill my aspiration of reaching to the top management

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