I spend a lot of time online looking for a good shop, in google i searched a website http://www.compracn.com ,if they are legit?
Bollywood,,, it is time to get
your script right
Catch me if you can, the Dark Knight, Shawshank Redemption, Fight Club, Pulp Fiction, Inception, these are not just movies, these are institutions rather, they have the power to change the way you think, some amateurs movie critics cum college students claim that they teach you invaluable lessons and bring a sense of purpose in your life specially when you have summer vacations or breakups or financial troubles or rejections(that happens quite often with me) or when you are extremely busy with work. But we, Bollywood are running things in a different way that we don't think differently at all and copy Hollywood completely and blindly and many times we succeed also.
No matter what they come up with, we are going to replicate it unabashedly and that too cent per cent most of the times, if it were just replicating, the would- be souls of Steven Speilberg, Martin Scorsese, Christophar Nolan would forgive us but the kind of ctrl+c and ctrl+v treatment is meted out to their masterpieces that is unforgivable. The latest movie of Dhoom series raked in Rs 500 plus crores all over the world, even an adolescent could have made it provided he had watched Now you see me and Prestige before, it is not the first time we have appreciated and wasted our 150 bucks/ ticket (for weekdays only and that too before noon shows) on such movies, we have been diagnosed with the similar symptoms before as well. Memento was brutalized by us, Hitch was dubbed in hindi by us and “Bhai aka Brother” played Will Smith in it. We just didn't subside there, we kept going on, we made a farce out of Bruce Almighty, Italian Job (that was the day I decided never to watch Junior B's movies even on TV), 21, the list goes on and on, you might have to use higher mathematics to get the right number.
Some of our directors before working tirelessly to plagiarize oh to make a movie buy a pack of dvds of highest rated movies on IMDB to blatantly copy from okay my bad to inspire from. Some film-makers are able to curb their temptation and manage to copy only sequences or dialogues or music. When we are done with Hollywood classics, we switch to Korean cinema or cinema from the southern part of our country, we are never out of options. After producing Desi superheroes ranging from easily forgettable Drona (sorry to remind you) to unbearable Krish, our latest fixation is sequels, whether the story has enough coefficient of elasticity or not, we love to stretch it and somehow illogically connect the stories to each other. Recently we made a movie called 1 baddy (you know what I mean) and it has become the part of the phonily esteemed Rs 100 crore club in just a few day as never expected by critics. Spoiler alert- the knock knock joke of pursuit of happiness was also utilized in this movie even after copying the script from a Korean movie. There is no denying that they are better than us when it comes to resources availability for making the movies but it doesn't mean we lack the resources of senses and that too common senses so we should use it and take the inspiration from a movie like Bheja fry which was copied by Hollywood on the contrary for the first time (Dinner for schmucks is the name of the copied movie).
If love is wanting to be with someone everyday, missing it when its not around, letting everything else go for it, then I am in love.
We met about nine years ago, I don't remember it as a Love at first sight thing, but it grew, it grew like hell. So much that I wouldn't desire any other company, I wouldn't feel the need of it. Our love is unconditional, at least that is how its hitherto been.
I am in love with my Capri.
If someone asks me, What is that one thing that you can surely perform everyday? Jerking off may come second.
Remember the levi's ad -- 'On & On & On' -- that describes my affection. I have kept it on for days followed by nights followed by days followed by....ok, you get the picture, its insane. My wife is still competing.
Besides plastic benefits like comfort, younger look (I need that at 30), free air-supply for balls -- I love how just wearing a Capri automatically communicates the casualness with which I treat most situations, be it a stage performance, a funeral or even a formal dinner. If it was up-to me, I would have worn it on my wedding day too, but I am not sure if, in that case, I would have had a wedding day.
Never the less, I did attend most of those life-changing post-marriage dinners at unknown relatives wearing half pants. The fact that I carefully scheduled those visits every time I needed a free shirt, completely resonates with the casualness of my attire.
Here is how the introductions went:
Relative to Me : Welcome beta.
Relative to Wife : Acha, Damadji Kahan hain?
Wife : You just welcomed him!
Relatives : Oho, Acha, Yahin hai.
* Immediately asks servant to replace Polo shirt with a local one *
Just like being a stand-up comic, getting people to accept your one-capri-suit-all outlook takes a while. Its quite an expected behavior because lets face it, if society won't take the ownership of screwing every fun activity of yours, then who the fuck will?
I, however, kept the same approach -- NOT GIVING A SHIT. As a result, conversions in their outlook today is so radical that it can put Islam to shame.
"Everything alright in life, Sumit?" - moment they see me wearing full pants now, and mind you, its a genuine concern.
I wonder why isn't it more popular, aren't more men tired of dressing up aptly for every occasion? What happened to the whole "Men will be Men" stand? When did it get revised to "Men will be Men only when around Men"? Or is it that we continue to pretend that changing your attire somehow affects your attitude?
If that was the case then we would have never witnessed decked-up Security Guards conveniently sleeping at 2 A.M, Mandirs' self-proclaimed saint would never be found interested in sex and money, and by now, Rakhi Sawant would have become a Lok Sabha member. A total of 15 people who voted for her are probably cheering with their thumbs-up right now.
Personally, I hold more respect if you allow me to have my 'Freedom to Dress-Up'. While our country's big agendas like Freedom of Speech and liking a Facebook status as per choice seem to be in jeopardy, least we can do is avoid a propaganda mandating everyone to have the same hair-cut as Narender Modi (South-Korea Alert).
Absence of "Freedom to Dress Up" is also one of the primary reasons I hate going to clubs. Clubs asking you to wear pants has to be the most hypocritical demand on the planet since we all know how those pants are literally "cuming" down on the sofas inside! Another reason I hate clubs is that if I have to do one lame dance step over the same loop of music for 3 hours pretending to be having fun, I will prefer Aerobics. At least, its healthy.
Now, If you excuse me, I have to get ready for my Yoga class where-in most Asanas include me kissing my Capri from different angles. They say it also happen to cure 25 different diseases which you previously didn't know existed.
Have a happy life :)
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You can't have a bad time watching a movie in small town theaters because in every small-town movie, there are two shows -- 1. Show you paid for; 2. Free show inside the hall. If its a Ram Gopal Verma movie, most likely "free show" will be funnier!
I miss those days when, like respect, you had to earn your movie. You did not just go for a movie simply because its a Friday and you and your girlfriend have nothing left to talk about! There were rounds that you had to clear:
- Parents' Permission, and by parents I mean both parents, just mommy won't do!
- Hindi Movie because all English movies have 'Scenes'. Remember Titanic.
- Friends that your mother already knows by heart. He should be a 'he'. She could be 'cheee' for your family reputation.
- Be back in 3 hours, no matter if its a Ashutosh Gowarikar movie.
- Preferably, take your sister along because Raksha-Bandhan!
Basically, it ensured that the effort required to reach the movie hall is always greater than and NOT equal to the possible fun you can have.
After sleepless nights dreaming about the respective stars of the upcoming movie, you wake up with such enthusiasm as if its your own "Red Carpet" launch. Last time somebody woke up with such eagerness, it was N.D.Tiwari's wedding day. In case you are wondering who was so eager, it was N.D.Tiwari himself for being alive for his third "first night!"
Day arrives, You charan-sparsh your parents for behaving like your parents, taste dahi(Yogurt), call up theater to confirm if the show is still on (Yes, that happens!), and leave the house with your friend on a scooty which says "Catch me if you can".
You lose half of your middle-class swag (which is tight jeans & collar t-shirt) as you enter the hall, and see five white-color chairs placed right in front of your seat blocking your view. You take the next obvious step of accepting the situation as destiny and sit peacefully.
Apparently, they are placed for local MP fat son and his chivalrous friends. They couldn't fathom the thought of booking a ticket, and watching a movie like how all the towns' Dalits are watching. After all, what's the benefit of gaining power if your son cannot showcase it to the very people you got power from!
Eventually, both shows begin. First movement on-screen is often accompanied by a whistle competition off-screen. Usually, two groups of human-looking creatures will act responsibly, and take the onus of making the "Free show inside the hall" a success.
Their primary agenda is to out-wit the script writer of the movie, and secondary agenda is to ensure that we necessarily, irrespective of consent, experience their rare comic talent. Just to cite an instance in the middle of a movie 'Agneepath':
Movie-Scene: *Phone Ringing, Sanjay Dutt Approaching*
Smart-Ass: *Head on his feat with his Comment*
Movie Scene: *Sanjay Dutt Picks Up the Phone*
Before he could say a word
Smart-Ass Hollers : HELLO, KABIRA SPEAKING!
Theater immediately bursts into laughter, movie is ignored for the next 10 mins, our smart-ass is the new protagonist attracting everybody's attention, his friends pat on his back for being the real star of the movie. I suspect he also updates his FB status:
Just made 500 people laugh with one line. WHO'S THE REAL BOSS, hahahahaha!!!!!!
which is eventually liked by a total of 2 people -- his group friends sitting next to him!
For the rest of us, we just experienced what would be Woody Allen's worst nightmare on "How to truly appreciate cinema?"
Honestly, being an Indian seated amidst such drama, you can't help but begin to relish some of it as you discreetly await the next smart-ass moment.
There can't possibly be a dull moment in the movie when you have Babu lal from Jharkhand losing his shit during every item-dance sequence. Paper planes, and laser lights repeatedly hit the desired lusty spots on the screen. You have crowd divided into family audience, non-family audience and other humans. If you dare fall asleep, a pop-corn or a shoe-attack from the person behind will awake you.
Unless Hindu-Muslim riots break out especially in movies like 'Gadar' and 'Border', your friend eventually drops you back home within stipulated time.
That's when your mom says, - "Chal, Bahut masti ho gayi, ab ek mahine koi movie nahi!" (Enough fun, no more movies for a month!)
At that moment, you don't really love your mom, but on the brighter side, fond memories of Babu Lal nagin dance are enough to last you a month!
Want one allegedly funny post every week? - chantanand.wordpress.com
Whenever somebody talks about Hindu mythology, 2 names certainly come up in our minds, Ramayan and Mahabharat. They were concerned to Ram and Krishn, incarnations of Lord Vishnu and central characters of their respective epics. We always think of them as masters of universe and fail to see other traits of their symbolist life. Ram, also known as Maryada Purshottam represents behavior of ideal man, husband, son and even a leader. While Krishn, who is also known as Purn Purshottam broke all the rules, even those which were made by himself. They not only conducted their lives in completely different manner but they also represented completely different styles of leadership. Lord Ram's leadership was inclined towards idealistic rules, he followed all the leadership values that are taught in textbooks right now. His ideology can be understood by his decision of pronouncing death sentence, which was one of the terms of his promise to Kaal (spirit of time), to his brother Laxman for interrupting his conversation.
On the other hand Krishn believed that rules must be broken if they tend to disturb society's equilibrium. Whether it is code of conduct in battle field that is casted aside for a noble purpose (killing of Karn in Mahabharat) or even if it is running away from a duel (running away from Jarasandh when he attacked Mathura). He considered rules set by contemporary religious cults rather as guidelines that can be discarded if the situation demands so. Lord Ram once told Vibhishan, when questioned about his army's competence against Ravan's arsenal, that character, courage, ethics, and valor are the 4 wheels of your life. If any one of your wheel is dysfunctional, you will easily lose the path that is made for you. On the other end, as most of know, how Lord Krishn broke protocols of battle not 1 but many times.
Although being leaders in contrasts, there are some striking similarities in the merits associated with their leadership skills. Krishn told Arjun in the battlefield that if dharm or goodwill is desired outcome of the war, then the way you motivate yourself and your army is should be of primary concern. This war has to be fought for good of whole as a motivating factor and not anger or personal gain. Hence, ends will not be justified by means. Same was the reason (one of many) why Hanuman didn't was not told to bring Seeta with him when he went to Lanka. Ram had full confidence on his devotee, but this was not the right way. The essence that both the stories present to us is that achieving your goal is as important as the avenue you follow.
Certainly today in India, management schools find it easier to produce a source of inspiration from one of many fancy names like Warren Buffett, Steve Jobs, etc. and some appreciate lesser known leaders like Anwar Sadat etc. We do not want to talk about these epics in any other context except praising popular TV shows made on them for afraid of getting mocked by our friends and acquaintances. But I believe rather than doing case studies outside, let's peep into our history. I am pretty sure that Ved Vyasa and Valmiki has put ample knowledge in their works that is yet to be deciphered.
There is a huge difference in looking for a house as a bachelor and as a couple, the difference is Wife.
As a penniless dude hunting for a house so that your future girlfriend can have some "Rest", your idea of a house is basically similar to your idea of buying a shirt -- One Collar, Two Sleeves, Enough space to cover chest hair and beer belly, cheap. This was how I described my requirement to every property dealer:
Bhaiya, we need a place to keep 5 bean bags :p
As a couple, things get a bit more dramatic. First up, description goes way beyond 140 characters to something like:
Bhaiya, We need a.., Sorry, she needs a house with 2 rooms in a nice locality with no landlord, 100% power back up, North-West facing, Modular Kitchen, Wood work, One dedicated Pink room, No bachelors in the locality, & a thing you may not be aware of commonly known as : Aesthetics.
Usually, Brokers' face looked more stunned than Ranvijyay in Roadies. It was as if an IT system engineer, after 5 years of Junk work, suddenly been exposed to a real-world system problem.
Much to our surprise, the words from the dealer's mouth came out in total disregard to his current face expressions. Standing in disbelief, we gazed at his lips moving up and down as if a Delhi Punjabi is found reciting Literature. He went:
"Sir, Aaj mein aapki requirement bilkul samajh gaya"(Today, I clearly understood your requirement), while we continued the same routine everyday. It was like experiencing Ghajini live!
Anyway, we started with an extremely focused market to look for our house. We went,- "Lets find a nice place in South Delhi"; Yup, quite focused!
The number of steps before finalizing a house tend to increase. First of all -- I, the husband:the man of the house, will shortlist few properties after judging each property on my wife's parameters because I, the husband:the man of house, has no parameters of my own.
Let you be aware, Its not an easy endeavor to fulfill as evident from my initial conversation with all property dealers:
ME: Bhaiya, Lets go look at houses that you have listed in your diary/copy after completely ignoring our actual requirements
Dealer: Madam kahan hai??
ME: She will come tomorrow, we will shortlist few properties today!
Dealer: Sir, why are you wasting your time & more importantly, my time?
ME: Your time? Isn't your whole life a waste?
Dealer: Sir, even if you hate the property, if mam likes it, we can finalize it.Until then, please play your designated role of a good-looking driver
I took the next obvious step of accepting the inevitable loss of my self respect and went ahead about my day as if nothing has been said by the fucking dalal who just took my self respect!
Thereafter, We looked at innumerable houses across locations that by the end, I almost considered a career shift to become a property dealer. I already had the know-how (Which is - a Notebook and a Scooter) & it will be a nice upgrade from my present role (good-looking driver). Even the property dealer started hushing his comments in my ear as we continued rejecting properties. He went, -
"Sir, are you sure you looking for a place to Rent Not buy? Because by now, I have shortlisted 2-3 places for myself!"
I ignored him, and continue to concur with my partner about how our basic requirements are not being fulfilled by house owners across Delhi!
After chucking out places for having unreasonable, unrealistic demands (we accept it now) like Sunlight, Hygiene, Car Parking &themasic; Security, we decided to take the plunge which we have been secretly avoiding : Move To Noida!
Pictures of Goons/Mayawati/Vigneshwara-Developers, immediately inundated our brain cells. We heard sounds of Delhi & Gurgaon going "LOL" & "ROFL" upon our situation as we crossed the Delhi-Noida toll bridge, non-chalantly reciting Hanuman Chalisa.
First thing you notice as you enter Noida is that Delhi is not the worst we have in road rage. Noida has the extra advantage of Bullock carts, Bicycles, Rickshaw Pullers, topped up with driver's healthy UP upbringing. Its the real clash of the titans. We decided to close our eyes, and open only when dealer goes - "Mam, Ye wala aapki requirement jaise hai" (This house suits your requirement!)
Today, we live in a house which has many "upper class" privileges like Balcony, Sunlight, Car Parking etc. Making small comprises of having 5 hours of power cut everyday & water so hard that it activated premature hair loss, seem like logical trade offs. I mean, You can't expect to get "all the" basic amenities & few privileges in life so easily in India.
"Acche din aane wale hain?".
As Babuji from Aankhon Dekhi will put it,- "Honge! Abhi mene dekhe Nahin" (May Be! I have not seen them yet)
Originally Published Here. Check out Other Funnies -- chantanand.wordpress.com
I woke up early in the morning, at the honking of cars, buses, autos and what not! It was a very surprising experience for me since I live in a quiet neighborhood, where the days are quite peaceful, and nights are generally noiseless.
But, it was not so today! I went out into the balcony and found that the entire traffic had been diverted from the main road to our slim 'gali'. It is not a size zero, but it is definitely not fit for a heavy traffic. And so, there was an evident bottleneck.
Everyday office goers were in a hurry, the trucks were unable to take the curve, regular vegetable vendors were hawking with their carts, and how can we forget that one obvious factor on Indian roads? Our beloved, most worshipped 'Gau Mata', chewing her cud, sitting elegantly in the middle of the road!!
There was honking, people shouting, it was a complete mess down there! And why so you may ask? Apparently there was a very big roadblock on the main road. Why again? Because the local political party has won the elections, and the political leaders of this region decided to celebrate. So, with all pomp and show they had erected a huge make shift 'pandal', right in the middle of the road, diverted the traffic through all the bylanes, and put up some idols that they were supposed to pray to, and thank.
Cool! It's good to cleanse the air with holy chants, and prayers. After all, India is changing. And the GODs have to get some credit for that!
I was off to work after accepting this reality. In the evening, while I was returning back home, I entered the locality, and was greeted by the bark of dogs; through a loudspeaker that was playing 'Who let the dogs out'! I was surprised, amused, and I couldn't help laughing. There could have been a few passerby's who might have stared at me with utter dismay.
The whole area was heavily lit. There were animated lights, lights adorning the trees, lights on houses. Basically the main road was full of lights as it were Diwali, in summers!
There was a magic show going on inside the playground nearby. A DJ was playing the beats from Britney Spears and Michael Jackson to Honey Singh and Himesh Reshmiya!
And, the traffic was still diverted, people on vehicles were still shouting at one another, and the best thing among all of this was.....wait for it...the entire neighborhood was absolutely pitch black!!
Amazing isn't it? Now this is what I would like to call a real life oxymoron!
They say muddled generation we are;then what KAURAVAS and PANDAVAS in MAHABHARATA were?"People say we are muddled generation;we do not have striking views or thoughts but I would like them to hold my hand and come with me to the "TIME MACHINE" so that we could go back to the era of 650 B.C;the era where KAURAVAS and PANDAVAS were unsure of their own actions and deeds. We are often rejected by people because we are not able to expropriate resources from ourselves efficiently.But were Kauravas able to do the same?Lord Krishna was there with Arjuna always ,even when he was on his battlefield.We are always left alone at the time of our examinations.For instance,we are not allowed to carry our soul-mate(mobile phones) with us.I am not supporting the usage of cell phones in examination halls but I am against the mark which we are imposed on,i.e "muddled generation".Arjuna told Krishna that "I do not want to kill people.This victory will be a defeat for me if I do the same." But still he killed people for the throne.He is a staunchest nominator in the award function of "muddled generation'.In today's growing corporate world, "we" run on the path to gain money but I would say Arjuna did the same .He went to an extent to kill his family members to get the throne back.He was muddled in his own thoughts and his mind's string was strongly in charge of Lord Krishna.He was not even master of his own thoughts.Before blaming us,please have a glance at the growing so called modern "education system".We do not possess our education system;we continuously follow the westernization path of education.If we ask a small child who is the greatest scientist?The first name which comes forward is -Albert Einstein.I am very sure he/she might not even think before answering this because we are conditioned in that manner to answer.I am not raising a question on any scientist but my wholesome point is that we do not recognize our own scientists.Every single achievement of Indians is behind an iron-curtain.We have to take a stand and come forward to erase this mark of ":muddled generation" from us.If you have to blame then blame the education system through which are grown and nurtured."Seeds bloom into flowers only when we nurture it with sunlight,water and care" If a single component misses out then there is a drawback so If we want "us" or our "future generation" to bloom into flowers then we need to have a fish-look at the current education system and pluck out smallest mistakes from it.Now I leave the field for you to ask yourself several questions;Do you really belong to the league of "muddled generation"? What can we do to take that mark out?Are we the only one who possess a large amount of "muddled generation"?
So I opened my spam section in Gmail today- Not only did the British Ministry of Finance told me that my pending payment of 25000 British pounds has been released, but they also sent me the attached documents to see which payment they refer to, because apparently I am so rich and happening that I just forgot that this amount is due. I have started wondering what I will buy from such huge amount. Maybe I'll plan a vacation to Britain, given I never even have been there and still people there are generous enough to clear my desperately needed pending payment!
While I struggle to find a good B-school in real, I have been offered admission in the London Business School (along with scholarship) and IIM Calcutta too. Only if I knew that all I need to do to get admission in IIMs is to open up my spam mail, I could have saved so much time, energy and money too. One of the mails said- “Congratulations for securing admission in XIMB”. They also mention my XAT ID to make me feel it's for real. Now that's a mail I have been waiting for ;).
Being a non-technical science graduate (PCM), I never think of even applying for jobs before a Masters degree. But the biggest hope that I have is my spam box- Infosys and Wipro are all ready to pay me 35000/- per month and all I have to do is to send them my CV. However slow the economy may be, for me, they have URGENT openings. I feel pity over all my engineer friends who take so much pain to get a placement in these groups from college. I mean “Open up your spam box dummies!”
It's so much tranquilizing to win laptops, A.C.s and even cars sitting home and surfing internet. It's so much fun to see how awesome my life gets and how important a person I become in just a click.
So I have come to one conclusion- Whenever I feel lonely, doubtful of my capabilities, am out of cash or feeling unlucky, this is what I have to do:
Web-> Gmail-> Spams-> Life becomes awesome once again!
It had been a long week at work and there it was finally-the Friday. I was jubilant for I was to go back home right after the office, not knowing of what He had in mind that it would be the last time I would be this elated to go past the lanes I used to travel through so frequently.
I was living near to my hometown, it was roughly 90 minutes drive and I used to commute on bike every weekend. That day I was late. Nevertheless I set forth. The twilight glow had deluged the sky. It was winter and soon fog had started obscuring my scope. There were hardly any streetlights rendering it difficult to see much farther. I was accelerating at a moderate pace. Suddenly there was a girl right in front of me running through the uncemented road from one end to the other. Before I could apply the brakes, I realized I was late. I had crossed her over. I stopped, turned, gazed on the road. She was lying. Senseless.
There was blood all around. I was flummoxed. I couldn't coalesce my senses. I stepped down to check up on her but then I heard low decibels from distant heightening with each tickle of the clock. Local villagers were coming and presaging the consequences I sprinted on my bike.
Miles later I paused. I wanted to turn over and check if she was alright. But i was scared. I was selfish. I was inhumane. I reached home, changed and went outright to bed. But sleep evaded me that night. I couldn't sleep. Her image, the sanguinary sight was all I could see. I kept on contemplating about her. Where would she be now! Had anyone taken her to the hospital! How would she be now!
I wasn't driving fast. It was night, it was foggy. She ran right in front just as I was crossing. I tried to appease myself with these logics but nothing could pacify me. My mind kept grumbling she would be of 8 years only, she had every right to be puerile, you should have been more careful.
The following weekend I didn't go home citing hectic work schedule. I was intimidated. Even the slight imagination of passing by through that path daunted me. I couldn't concentrate anywhere. Everything was exacerbating. I couldn't live with that baggage anymore. Finally I decided to check up on her and gathered all my courage to get hold of her.
I reached the gruesome place and inquired from the locals about the incident that took place last week. One of them answered "We took her to the nearest hospital as soon as we could but by then it was too late. FIR has been lodged but still we have no information about that ******* who killed our Neha baby. But wherever he may be, he will never be in peace."
I was dumbfounded. She was dead. I had killed His little gift.
He was right: wherever I may be, I can never be in peace. No amount of redemption can relinquish what I have done. I may continue to live ingloriously swallowing this fact, I may pretend with others to be someone with a mundane life but deep down I will always be a murderer- a manslayer! and I will have to live and endure being that for the rest of my days.