Analytical Writing (Issue/Argument)

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Hey, I don't know if this has been done before on PG (if it has been, then lock this thread and bring the old one into this section :: ) the idea is that we'll give ourselves an issue or an argument once in a week taken from the offici...
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hey ppl i m postig the essay

Mangers while searching for the suitable candidate should consider educational background and working experience just to find out whether the person is technically sound with job requirement. While searching for the potential candidate managers should not overlook the personality traits and working habits as these are the qualities on which the person will be able to interact within the organization. His conduct is the key to the suitability to the job. The person who is able to interact with the existing employees and understand and adjust itself to the culture of the organization can prove to be productive for the organization. His work habits can provide essential evidence so as to know whether he will induce enthusiasm in the organization. His personal traits are responsible for bringing harmony or dispute in that particular department. If the person is hard working then can bring new change in the working environment. One new person can influence the people positively or negatively so it is very essential for the manager to find out what kind of qualities one possess what kind of impact will be produced on the environment. Ones personal traits can show their willingness to work and their suitability and stability of job. These days the most important factor managers are looking is the stability in the workforce, younger generation want success very quickly, so they keep changing jobs over a short period of time in the hope of growth, so for these factors it is important that one must check the persons experience in the light to check the persons traits.

plz..... mark it..

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hey people ... all of those preparing for GMAT.... let's make this thread active...

I m posting the essay question ...

In matching job candidates with job openings, managers must consider not only such variables as previous work exprience and educational background but also personality traits and work habits, which are more difficult to judge.

What do you consider essential in an employee pr colleague? Explain, using reasons and/or examples from your work or worklike experiences, or from your observations of others..

read the question... allot urself 30 minutes and post ur essay...

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can also somebody rate my essay please. thx

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topic :-
Since a competing lower priced newspaper, The Bugle, was started 5 years ago, The Mercury's circulation has declined by 10000 readers. The best way to get more people to read The Mercury is to reduce its price below that of The Bugle, at least until circulation increases to former levels. The increased circulation of The Mercury will attract more businesses to buy advertising space in the paper


my essay :-
Cutting the price of the paper itself will not be a solution to the problem. what mercury has to do is to look into what bugle has to offer its readers. if it gives the reader more value for money and also at a lower price, mercury should improvise or add those extra features offered by the competing newspaper. Assuming that Mercury has been in the business for a decent period of time we can safely assume that mercury already has a customer base. So it will not be that difficult for mercury capitalize on that customer base.
Again it may not be the issue of lower price which itself may have forced its customers to switch over to Bugle. generally it is seen that in case of a newspaper people tend to remain loyal to the brand to which they are used to reading. For example the style and format used by say " Mercury " will be more familiar and appealing to its loyal readers and thus when they siwtch over to "Bugle " they will expereince a difficulty adjusting to the style and format used initially. So another reason why people may have swiched over to bugle from mercury is that they may not be very happy of the present service being offered by the 'Mercury'.If Mercury really wants to win back its customers it should indulge in a survey and find out what are the positive and negative points of the newspaper. There can be problems due to irregular supply, bad paper quality, uninteresting editorials etc which may have forced the people to switch over to bugle. If "mercury is able to identify the above issues it will be more succesful in its attempt to win back its customers than merely resorting to a price cut ! When Mercury is succesfully able to address these issues it will se an automatic rise in its circulation . This again will lead to an increase in income from advertisements because it is genrally seen that corporates are willing to pay a higher rate for succesful brands as compared to the ordinary ones .
As a conclusion i can state that mercury has to focus on its core issue on where it seems to be lagging behind and improvising on those issues wil be a solution to all its problems .

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sorry was a bit lat in posting my essay . Any reviews are welcome ! also what type of essays will i have to write if i have to appear for gmat ??

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Hellp people i am a bit late in posting my essay but any comments are welcome !!!

Topic :-
Since a competing lower priced newspaper, The Bugle, was started 5 years ago, The Mercury's circulation has declined by 10000 readers. The best way to get more people to read The Mercury is to reduce its price below that of The Bugle, at least until circulation increases to former levels. The increased circulation of The Mercury will attract more businesses to buy advertising space in the paper


My Essay :-
Cutting the price of the paper itself will not be a solution to the problem. what mercury has to do is to look into what bugle has to offer its readers. if it gives the reader more value for money and also at a lower price, mercury should improvise or add those extra features offered by the competing newspaper. Assuming that Mercury has been in the business for a decent period of time we can safely assume that mercury already has a customer base. So it will not be that difficult for mercury capitalize on that customer base.
Again it may not be the issue of lower price which itself may have forced its customers to switch over to Bugle. generally it is seen that in case of a newspaper people tend to remain loyal to the brand to which they are used to reading. For example the style and format used by say " Mercury " will be more familiar and appealing to its loyal readers and thus when they siwtch over to "Bugle " they will expereince a difficulty adjusting to the style and format used initially. So another reason why people may have swiched over to bugle from mercury is that they may not be very happy of the present service being offered by the 'Mercury'.If Mercury really wants to win back its customers it should indulge in a survey and find out what are the positive and negative points of the newspaper. There can be problems due to irregular supply, bad paper quality, uninteresting editorials etc which may have forced the people to switch over to bugle. If "mercury is able to identify the above issues it will be more succesful in its attempt to win back its customers than merely resorting to a price cut ! When Mercury is succesfully able to address these issues it will se an automatic rise in its circulation . This again will lead to an increase in income from advertisements because it is genrally seen that corporates are willing to pay a higher rate for succesful brands as compared to the ordinary ones .
As a conclusion i can state that mercury has to focus on its core issue on where it seems to be lagging behind and improvising on those issues wil be a solution to all its problems .

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Hey, shrijitp - all the best in IIMA man!!! do post once in a while to help us all us pgites once in a while, abt CAT and all





Thanks dude. and best of luck for ur gmat. tell us how it was.

My grind is going to start and i dunno if/when i will b able to log on . Will try my best.

Cheers

-Shri
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Next Q
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The following report appeared in an archaeology journal.

"The discovery of distinctively shaped ceramic pots at various prehistoric sites scattered over a wide area has led archaeologists to ask how the pots were spread. Some believe the pot makers migrated to the various sites and carried the pots along with them; others believe the pots were spread by trade and their makers remained in one place. Now, analysis of the bones of prehistoric human skeletons can settle the debate: high levels of a certain metallic element contained in various foods are strongly associated with people who migrated to a new place after childhood. Many of the bones found near the pots at a few sites showed high levels of the metallic element. Therefore, it must be that the pots were spread by migration, not trade."


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Thanks FlyingKolors for the feed back. No, I have no plans to write CAT/GMAT in the near future-. I thought I'ld check up vestiges of my writing skills.

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The essay deduces that, it is the increase in speed limit in the the region of Forestville that has caused an increase in the number of

automobile accidents and based on this, suggests that the speed limit should be decreased to its previous value so as to decrease the number of

accidents.

The deduction is based on three assumptions.

First, the increase in speed limit causes an increase in the speed of automobiles. To know if this is a valid assumption, we need to know, the

percentage of vehicles whose average speed on Forestville's highways has increased after the increase in speed limit and, the change in average speed

limit of all the vehicles, each time they travels on ForestVille's highway.

Second, the increase in speed of automobiles is responsible for accidents. The validity of this assumption can only be judged with the

knowledge of, the percentage contribution of accidents due to speed between previous speed limit and the current speed limit, to total number of

accidents.

Third, automobiles did not break speed limits. Again, to we need to know this to be able to assume this.

Moreover, the comparison between Elmsford region and Forestville region would be justified only if they are very similar in terms of the kind

of roads, the kind of rules, geographical features, the kind of traffic and the amount of traffic.

If it were true that all the above arguments are valid, the reason for increase in speed limit should be compared with the amount of damage caused due to it. Also, effective alternatives for damage control should be explored before coming up with suggessions.
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feedback for this essay ?

hey deepthi!!! thanks for taking the time to post your AOA!! sorry for keeping you waiting..now let me analyse (i've realised analysing others AOA's is a good way to prepare)...i'm not qualified to give it...but since you've asked for it here's my feedback on your AOA.

now please let me get into the role of a very strict instrutor who just doesnt forgive any mistake!!! i'm goin to be very critical abt everything!! (sorry if it hurts!!!)

1. You need to keep in mind that you have to, atleast once in the essay, say how well reasoned this essay is. I mean, you have to say something like 'This line of reasoning is unconvincing' or 'The argument presented here is problematic in several respects' etc. Of course, you've stated that the argument depends on a lot of assumptions, but you have to tell it a lot strongly.

2. Your sentences are way too long. This is not advisable, especially in the first paragraph.

3. Your AOA suffers from some grammatical mistakes and there are lots of unnecessary commas. These grammatical mistakes make the AOA difficult to follow.

4. You've said
The deduction is based on three assumptions.

and then started giving those assumptions. That's fine, as long as you don't confuse the reader. I mean, Instead of saying
Second, the increase in speed of automobiles is responsible for accidents
, you should have said "the second assumption made is that the speed of the automobiles is responsible for the accidents.

By writing it the way you have written, you make it look like you agree with the author about "the increase in speed of automobiles is responsible for the accidents"

Similarly, you've stated the third assumption as
Third, automobiles did not break speed limits

It looks more like YOUR statement.
Of course, you've mentioned in the first paragraph that you're goin to mention the three assumptions now - but nevertheless the reader will get confused.Got my point??

Also, effective alternatives for damage control should be explored before coming up with suggessions.
This sentence is not clear. Suggestions about what?? And effective alternatives to what?

I take it that you haven't had enough time to write a proper conclusion. So, make sure that your conclusion, even though short, states things specifically.

There are no problems with the content part of the AOA, its only the presentation part you need to take care...keep posting more and more AOA's please!!

i'm sure your next essay is goin to be great if you take care of all these things. do read one or two essays to get a feel of it... (btw, are you taking gmat anytime soon?? coz i know you'd be least bit concerned abt all this in case you've posted this AOA just out of general interest!!)


I think having a template will make things very easy in painless. I think one can resolve it to a level of being a no-brainer. I used to have a bunch of phrases and words that I knew from before hand that I would use. Helps a lot, believe me.


Yeah, i think having a template really helps a lot. Saves a lot of time i guess. Having 3-4 templates so that you can choose whichever is the best on the d-day would make things a lot more easier. Afterall, it hardly takes 30 min to prepare and remember a proper template. And in any case, it's not goin to hurt if we prepare, right?

The argument assumes a direct correlation between the speed limit and the number of accidents. Although the speed limit may be a factor in the accident rate rising, it is fallacious to consider it to be the only cause behind the rise.

First, the rise in accidents may be questioned. We do not have absolute numbers. Although the accidents in Elmsford may have decreased, the data about the actual traffic on both highways ought to be considered. Also we do not know if the accident rates in both regions were the same, nor are we told that the speed limits themselves were the same. It may very well be possible that Elmsford had abnormally high accident rates already, and the slight decrease still kept it higher than what would be considered "normal".

But then again, a rise in the speed limit from an already low limit like, say, 20 mph to 30 mph would not really justify a 15 % rise in accidents.

No statistics are given which might tell us whether there has been an steep rise in traffic in Forestville in the past six months. The increased number of vehicles on the road could very well have precipitated more accidents. Neither is data available about a similar rise or fall in vehicular traffic in Elmsford.

Another point to consider would be the comparison between the "old" and "new" accident rates. Accident rates could very well vary from month to month in the same year. Are we comparing the accident rates in the last six months, to the accident rates during the same six months in the previous years ?

One also ought to consider the type of accidents that have increased. Can the nature of the accidents be attributed to the rise in the speed limit alone? Or are they due to the condition of the roads ? Do they occur at only some specific spots, like sharp turns, where the increased speed limit may be a cause? Elmsford may have better roads, encouraging a higher speed limit, while Forestville has bad roads that prevent safe driving at a higher speed. In that case, a low speed limit is ony a stopgap measure, and the roads ought to be repaired. Also, the signalling systems and roadsigns in Forestville ought to be checked to ensure that they are good enough to work for a situation where the cars run faster.

Hence, unless these other factors are considered, and their contribution to the rise in accidents ruled out, the increased speed limit alone cannot be blamed for the sharp rise in accidents.



and this essay is perfect. I liked the way in which some of the points were made in the form of questions. This way the points are a lot more direct...i'll try it out and see if it can be used for all types of AOAs...(the computer doesnt penalise if we use question marks (?'s), does it?). The essay covers everything related to the accidents and similarities, so no problem anywhere regarding the content. the sentences are too short, so no problem abt the risk of the reader losing track anywhere.
i din't find any mistake anywhere (mine is the untrained eye, i guess )..hmmmm...let me see...ok, i found one...you use the word First, and start your first point, so shouldnt you logically continue with a Second for your second point?? (i know this is such a trivial thing )

Hey, shrijitp - all the best in IIMA man!!! do post once in a while to help us all us pgites once in a while, abt CAT and all :)


i'm giving gmat on the 7th of july!!! (thats why all this seriousness and intensity in preparation )

Would someone please post the next question!!!! (i'm so worried there arent enough people interested, with Shri gone..and kshitij vanishing somewhere...where are you kshitij??!!
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BTW.. do you have one essay or two in the GMAT ? GRE had two . You are given 45 min for the first one and 30 min for the other. The 30-min one is the "argument" essay, and both the ones i posted are of that type. If you have two, practise writing both.


Yep same crappo in GMAT too. Except that you probably have 30mins for both.


On the issue of "templates" and ohter tips... If you are clear in your thoughts and clear in your writing, the "template " wil automatically come.


I think having a template will make things very easy in painless. I think one can resolve it to a level of being a no-brainer. I used to have a bunch of phrases and words that I knew from before hand that I would use. Helps a lot, believe me.

Arun
India's fastest growing GMAT & GRE Test Prep Company: http://crackverbal.com
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here is the essay I had written. Flyingkolours, ur essay is a a bit short; are you sure you took the same amount of time and othrer restrictions as in the actual test?



yeah, it was short....but i took the entire 30 min for it...was just refining and refining whatever little i've written...

hey psychodementia!! you've got a 6??!! thats great!!! please do post on this thread once in a while...btw, what do u think abt length? i mean, should we make it as long as possible (as princeton says) or should we concentrate more on organizing and stuff??


Flyingkolours, I got a 6.0 in the analytical writing too.. in GRE. and i feel the key to that is to be crystal clear in your thoughts, to know the correct thing(s) to write , and finally, to be able to convey your thought succintly and without unnecessary flourishes.


to add my two bits about length.... ensure that you leave nothing relevant unsaid. Spare the last 6 minutes or so for re-reading and correcting mistakes.. I used to re-read a para immediately after i wrote it. Then a quick read after teh esay was done. Once you practise writing these essays in the stipulated time, you will get to know your optimal length.. you saw both the essays I posted were approximately the same length.

BTW.. do you have one essay or two in the GMAT ? GRE had two . You are given 45 min for the first one and 30 min for the other. The 30-min one is the "argument" essay, and both the ones i posted are of that type. If you have two, practise writing both.

On the issue of "templates" and ohter tips... If you are clear in your thoughts and clear in your writing, the "template " wil automatically come. Take a stand for or against, substantiate it, then also analyse the flip-side. Ensure sentences are not unweildy.. again, if you are clear about what you want to say, the structure will come naturally.

Best of Luck, once again.


-Shri
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