Some B-schools to eliminate PLACEMENTS next academic year

Finally, a few Indian B-schools are possibly going to do what no other Indian B-school has even thought of before, leaving alone doing it.

Eliminating placements totally.

According to well-informed sources who leaked this information only to PaGaLGuY, a large group of B-school directors met last week at a secret location somewhere in Sanjay Gandhi National Park, Borivali, Mumbai to discuss this issue. According to our sources who were stationed in the forest area, the meetings lasted two days and were packed with heated arguments for and against the idea of placements.

Those directors who wanted to do away with placements said that MBA students had become lazy over the years because jobs were falling right into their laps. “Students are not being exposed to the grind of looking out for jobs. There is a romance you know in going to different companies, dropping CVs, getting rejected, running around for interviews – that fun is all gone ,” said one director.

Another director who was also in favour of eliminating placements said that MBA students have also been putting on weight because of no activity. “Since jobs are happening right on campus, there is little active work involved. I am finding MBA students getting healthier over the years. There is no sweating it out or running from pillar to post – what do you expect then?”

The number of directors who were FOR retaining placements however outnumbered the others. One such director said that bragging about placements is the only way to attract students. “That is the first line in my B-school brochure. How else do I get candidates interested in my school. That is all what MBA students want anyway these days.”

Yet another said, that though many B-schools lie when it comes to placements, these should be considered ‘White Lies’. He went on to explain White Lies. “For instance I can say that my batch of 56 students got 60 offers. Hopefully the world outside thinks that some of our students got more than one offer. What I do not disclose is that 6 of our students were not placed at all. So, I am not really lying you see, just disclosing some of the truth.”

Hearing this argument, apparently, all directors had a hearty laugh. But they laughed even more when one director said that his placement committee has fun playing around with figures. “My placement committee knows when to speak in dollars and when to speak in rupees. And then we always talk about CTC, we do not have to explain the break-up of that amount.”

Directors also discussed how students in the placement committees keep the best offers for themselves and their friends and hence those who are not in this select group are often those who leak the truth out to the media. “That is called survival of the fittest,” explained one director. Another begged to differ and said it was better to term it as ‘networking capabilities.’ “If students cannot network and make friends with placement committee members to get the best jobs, they probably don’t deserve them.”

Post the meetings, the B-school directors apparently took their open jeeps and went into the forest area in the Park, looking for tigers. They found none but when they spotted deer instead, they were quite happy. One of the directors even removed his licensed gun to shoot a deer but was instantly reminded by others in the jeep, of actor Salman Khan’s Blackbuck case which is languishing in courts. “No baba, I don’t want to make so many trips to the court like Salman Khan, I rather use that time to do research which is so lacking in B-schools today,” he said.

The participants who left for their respective schools yesterday said they felt refreshed staying in the wilderness for two days, drinking lots of coffee, smoking and purging out their minds. They have decided to take a final call on the issue today.

We, at PaGaLGuY will keep you April Fools informed.