[naren_aumech]

Hi ppl....
Got this in a mail. Thought I would share it with all you people...
You can also share anything funny like this one....

If I ever get a chance in life to back to the past, I will opt to go
back to 1719 and kill Jean Baptiste Josesh Fourier (supposed to rhyme with 'Poor-pay', my lecturer drones) ... what infernal schemes this one single creature had developed! what complexities his
convuluted brain has schemed!

Awful I say, simply awful.

My first experience with this Fourier came about in my 3rd semester of
engineering. There I was, fresh as a new bike in the showroom, somehow successfully managing to 'clear' that first year without polluting myself with nonsense that was being taught to us. Like Calvin, I am a big supporter of the Big-Picture
theory. Nothing had shaken my belief in the first year, and there I
was,
near a window, sitting (rather
sleeping) and enjoying the beauty (!) of life.
Suddenly, a nerdish type, who somehow had the guts to sit in the same
bech,
nudges me and urgently whispers
'The Prof. is calling you! Get up!'. I come back from Utopia where I
was
revving up a shiny Honda Varadero
... curses! My quick glance at the board confirms my fears - it was
the
Signals and Sytems class, and my nemesis was at the board.

I never have understood what that curved 'S' like thing that is known
as
the symbol for integration means. Niether have I understood the meaning of those highly irritating 'dx' or 'dy' that are
omnipresent at the end of these symbols. Worse, you know, sometimes
you
have 2 or even 3 such symbols with
'dx' 'dy' 'dz' ALL present at the end. Today is a bad day I suppose.

My Vardero left idling in the hot sun, waking up in the signals class,
and seeing a 'dt' on the board inside a complex-looking formula f(t) multiplied with exp(-jwt), all inside
that curved 'S' thingy. There is
all this complex frequency stuff, and that iritating 'e' raised to
some
'-jwt' ...
why all this came into earth, even God would not know! Anyway, there
was, staring at the board like a proper 'student', and the
prof bellows, 'Can you explain the
significance of Fourier Transform?' As if I would be sitting here if I
had known that. I mumble some intelligent explanation about the beauty of life, and my research into why we are here.

The Prof has always been hard at hearing (thats what happens if you
read
too much Fourier) and I hear a 'blingy blumble mumble wagga binga wadaa thum', at which the nerdy type beside me gets highly
excited and starts taking notes. I turn around, and see few others
talking animatedly to neighbours. I
turn back, and the Prof still was mumbling some stuff, and suddenly he
stopped and looked at me
questioningly. I realized he was expecting me to ask a question, and I
give
my 'deep-in-thinking-looking-at-the-board-with-an-eyeborw-raised'
look.
I make up my mind, look at the Prof. in the eye,and ask 'What is the reason for that minus sign in the
formula?' The nerd next to me is shocked, as I can see that he never
gave it a thought, and the Prof is
smiling. 'Talent,' he said shaking his head from side to side , 'so
much
insight, but lacking motivation
.... tsch tsch' and asks the class whether anyone knows the answer.
You
see, I already had the answer too:
Without that minus sign, the formula will look ugly!

That day it started. By 'it' I meant enlightenment.
How else can you explain the phenomenon of finding the meaning behind
Walking of ants on the crack near the window sill (they are vetti too), The amazing design of a super bike-bullet
that I have devloped in
entirely in my mind without the aid of CAD tools, why even
pencil/paper
(you must see the technique by which
the pilion transfroms itself to 'mullion', a new break through in bike
seating arrangment by virtue of
which the pillion seat vanishes to reappear in front of the driver, on
sensing female company). How many
squares can you draw in a A4 paper? 2000? 20,000? You cant beat my
mark,
I bet.

My enlightenment grew in proportion the level with whcih Fourier was
increasingly coming into our daily academic lives. Alas! he was slowly creeping into conversations too. I still shudder at the thought of people arguing about anarchical things like 'Bode Plots' and 'Finding Time response from Transfer
Fucntion in the jw domain' (whatever that means).
Semilog graphs (that sheet of paper which looks as if a madman with a
ruler
and myopia drew lines on it)
gave me the ulcers. Somehow, somehow they have become things of the
past.

Things of the Past is what I thought. Until my PL beckons me and asked
'You an Electronics Engineer,
right?'. I nodded my head absent mindedly, without thought of Fourier,
and that was my fatal error. Or
Registry crash. Or Core Dump. Call it whatever you want. Because
Fourier is
here. Again. To haunt me.
Fourier representation of some dumb series is needed for a program
module, as it is needed to calculate
some Total of some nonsense that the client wants. And some nutcase at
Onsite (who must have hated me) has
decided that it can be obtained only by Fourier Methods, and got it
approved from fightened clients.
Why me? Why me?

If only I get a chance to travel to the past ....

[naren_aumech]

And here's another....better one

Naren.

Insurance Report

Possibly the funniest story in a long while,this is
a bricklayer's accident report, which was printed in
the newsletter of the American Insurance Journal.

This is a true story.

Had this guy died,he'd have received a Darwin Award
for sure.

Dear Sir:

"I am writing in response to your request for
additional information in Block 3 of the accident
report form.I put "poor planning" as the cause of my accident.You asked for a fuller explanation and I trust the following details will be sufficient.

I was alone on the roof of a new six-story building.
When I completed my work,I found that I had some
bricks left over which,when weighed later,were found
to be slightly more than 500 lbs.Rather than carry the
bricks down by hand, I decided to lower them in a
barrel by using a pulley,which was attached to the
side of the building on the sixth floor.

Securing the rope at ground level,I went up to the
roof,swung the barrel out and loaded the bricks into
it.Then I went down and untied the rope,holding it
tightly to ensure a slow descent of the bricks.

You will note in Block 11 of the accident report
form, that I weigh 135 lbs.

Due to my surprise at being jerked off the ground so suddenly,I lost my presence of mind and forgot to let go of the rope.Needless to say,I proceeded at a rapid rate up the side of the building.

In the vicinity of the third floor,I met the barrel,
which was now proceeding downward at an equally
impressive speed.This explains the fractured skull,
minor abrasions and the broken collarbone, as listed
in section 3 of the accident report form.

Slowed down slightly,I continued my rapid ascent,not
stopping until the fingers on my right hand were two
knuckles deep into the pulley.Fortunately by this time
I had regained my presence of mind and was able to
hold tightly to the rope, in spite of beginning to
experience a great deal of pain.

At approximately the same time,however,the barrel of
bricks hit the ground and the bottom fell out of the
barrel.

Now devoid of the weight of the bricks,that barrel
weighed approximately 50lbs.

I refer you again to my weight.

As you can imagine,I began a rapid descent,downthe
side of the building.In the vicinity of the third
floor,I met the barrel coming up.This accounts for the
two fractured ankles,broken tooth and several
lacerations of my legs and lower body.

Here my luck began to change slightly.The encounter
with the barrel seemed to slow me enough to lessen my
injuries when I fell into the pile of bricks and fortunately,only three vertebrae were cracked.

I am sorry to report,however,as I lay there on the
pile of bricks,in pain, unable to move, I again lost
my composure and presence of mind and let go of the
rope and I lay there watching the empty barrel
beginning its journey back down onto me. This explains
the two broken legs.

I hope this answers your questions.

[pendyal]

they were really funny naren,especially the second one.
been a long time since i read something so funny.

[angel]

The first 1s really gud Naren. it makes a whole lotta sense esp if u r pursuing electronics engg....

[stingrae]

hahahaha...had me in splits on my creaking chair.... rollin on the floor laughin at the second one....the second one is god-level funny!

[naren_aumech]

Originally Posted by stingrae @ Wed Nov 24, 2004 7:45 pm

hahahaha...had me in splits on my creaking chair.... *rollin on the floor laughin at the second one....the second one is god-level funny!

Exactly! That second one was daaaaaaamn funny. Was laughing alone for nearly fifteen minutes! By the way, I didn't know what Darwin awards were really. And then I stumbled upon a site that told me what a Darwin award is...... :wink:

Click on this link for some really funnier ones... Especially the nominee #7

http://drkendavis.com/darwin

Naren.

[pendyal]

here are some i got by mail:

Snappy Answer #1
A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to
check tickets. As a man approached, she extended her hand
for the ticket, and he opened his trench coat and flashed
her. Without missing a beat she said, "Sir, I need to see
your ticket, not your stub."


Snappy Answer #2
A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the
grocery store, but couldn't find one big enough for her
family. She asked a stock boy, "Do these turkeys get any
bigger?"
The stock boy replied, "No ma'am, they're dead."

Snappy Answer #3

The cop got out of his car and the kid who was stopped for
speeding rolled down his window. "I've been waiting for you
all day", the cop said.
The kid replied, "Yeah, well I got here as fast as I
could." When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the
kid on his way without a ticket.

Snappy Answer #4
A truck driver was driving along on the freeway. A sign
comes up that reads "low bridge ahead." Before he knows it
the bridge is right ahead of him and he gets stuck under
the bridge. Cars are backed up for miles. Finally, a
police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car and walks
around to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and
says, "Got stuck, huh?"
The truck driver says, "No, I was delivering this bridge
and ran out of gas."

Snappy Answer #5 Snappy Answer of the Year!
A college teacher reminded her class of tomorrow's final
exam. "Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not
being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a
serious personal injury or illness, or a death in your
immediate family but that's it, no other excuses
whatsoever!"
A smart-ass guy in the back of the room raised his hand and
asked, "What would you say if tomorrow I said I was
suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?" The
entire class does its best to stifle their laughter and
snickering. When silence is restored, the sweetly
says, "Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your
other hand."

BONUS Snappy Answer

A girl was visiting her blond friend who had acquired two
new dogs, and asked her what their names were. The blonde
responded by saying that one was named Rolex and one was
named Timex. Her friend said, "Whoever heard of someone
naming dogs like that?" "Hellooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo"
answered the blond. "They're watch dogs!"

Can't get enough? The BEST is LAST
A pompous minister was seated next to a TEXAN on a flight
to Dallas. After the plane was airborne, drink orders
were taken. The TEXAN asked for a whiskey and soda, which
was brought and placed before him. The flight attendant
then asked the minister if he would like a drink. He
replied in disgust, "I'd rather be savagely raped by brazen
whores than let liquor touch my lips." The TEXAN looked
at the minister, then handed his drink back to the
attendant and said, "I didn't know we had a choice."

[orca]

One of the forwards I recently got......

These are actual ads on a matrimony site. Grammar and spell errors have no place in a profile description as everything is straight from the heart! Disclaimer : I am not responsible if you forget your basic grammar after reading this ...

- Hello To Viewvers My Name is Avinash, I am single i dont have Famale, If any one whant to marrie to me u can visite to my home. I am not a good education but i working all field in bangalroe.. if u like me u welcome to my heart... when ever u whant to meet pls viset my resident or send u letter.. Thanks yours Regards Avinash~*~

i want very simple girl. from brahmin educated family from orissa state he is also know about RAMAYAN, GEETA BHAGABATA, and other homework

(Homework?)

Wants a woman who knows me better and can adjust with me forever. She may never create any difficulties in my life or her life by which the entire life can run smoothly. thank you

(The principle of running life smoothly was never so easy!)

She should be good looking and should have a service. She Shoulsd have one brother and one sister. She should be educated.

(ain't it unique !! 1 brother 1 sister criteria !)

I am a happy-go-lucky kind of person. Enjoys every moments of life. I love to make friendship. Becauese friendship is a first step of love. I am looking for my dreamgirl who will love me more than i. Because i love myself a lot. If u think that is u then why to late come on ........ hold my hand forever !!!

(The dilwale dulhaniya effect)

i am simple boy.I have lot ofproblemin mylife because ofmylucknow i amlooking onegirlshe caremeandloveme lot lot lot

(I don't know why but this is one of my favorites)

My wife should be as 'Parwati' as in Kahani Ghar Ghar Ki and as Tulsi as in KSBKBT......

(Ok I haven't seen these soaps but I am sure he must be demanding too much, ain't he?)

i want a girl with no drinks if she wants she can wear jeans in house but while steping out of house she should give recpect to our cast

(by not wearing her jeans? ahem...)

HYE I AM A GOOD LOKING GUY,WHO HAS THE CAPABILITY TO MAKE ANY BODY TO LOUGH.I BELIEVE IN GOD AND ACCORDING TO ME FRIENDS ARE THE REAL MESSENGER OF GOD. THE 3 THINGS I AM LOOKING FROM A GIRL ,THEY ARE 1.THEY MUST BELIEVE IN GOD.2. THEY HAVE TO LIKE MY PROFFESION AND THEY SHOULD NOT GET BORED WITH ME WHEN I WILL TRY TO MAKE THEM LOUGH.

(all of us are loughing)

whatever she may be but she should feel that she is going to be someone bride and she must think of the future life if she is toolike this she would bde called the lady of the lamp

(I am clueless, I feel so lost. Can anyone tell me what this guy wants)


i love my patner i marriage the patner ok i search my patner and i love the patner ok thik hai the patner has a graduate ok

(I am again clueless but I liked the use of "ok". The person is suffering from "Ok-syndrome")

HI IAM VERY COOL NUATHER OK MY HOBBY IS SEE T.V AND NEWS OK I HAVE 1 CAR AND 1 BONWL OK MY MOTHER ALSO GOOD OK MY FARUET WORLD IS OK

(the "ok syndrome" again)


iam pradip my family histoy my two brother two sister and fater&mother sister complity marred

(somebody please explain in comments section how to get married 'completely'?)


iam very simpel and hanest. i have three sister one brother and parent. i am doing postal sarvice and tailor master my original resdence at kalahandi diste naw iam staing at rayagada dist.

(actually what is this guy doing? Postal service or tailor.??)


my name is farhan and i am unmarried. pleaes you marrige me pleaes pleaes pleaes pleaes pleaes pleaes pleaes

(height of desperation! J )


Iwant one girl who love me or my mother. she love me heartly or she havea frank she's skin colour 'normal'not a black or not a whitey. IThink the main think is heart if your heart is beautiful then you are beautiful. but iam not a handsome person or not a good looking. but my Mom say that Iam a good person. My father already expired . iam ''AEKLAUTA''. THE CHOICE IS YOUR. bye bye.

(uttama purushan)


iam kanan. i do owo businas.one sistar.he was marred.

(No comments)


I AM LITTLE FAIR INDIAN COLOUR. I DON'T HAVE ANY HABIT.

(maybe the poor guy meant BAD habits)


hello i am a good charactarised man. i want to run my life happily.i divorced my first wife.her charactor is not good'. i expect the good minded and clean habits girl who may be in the same caste or other caste accepted ...

(but credit cards not accepted..???)


my colour is black,but my heart is white.i like social service

(Zebra..???)


i'm looking out for who lives in bombay, girl simple who trust me lot should be roman catholic, LOVE ME ONLY.

(Now that criterion is a must, isn't it?)


to be married on jan-2005. working woman perferable

(this guy has fixed the marriage date too! But he is yet to find a bride. I wish him best luck on behalf of all of us. I am sure he will get one soon.)


i would like a beautyfull girl. and i do not want her any treasure. because girl is the mahalakshmi.

(Now she is going to be a lucky girl! Any takers?)


ssc failed three times and worked with privated ltd company which not paying salary at present.

(Any takers again?)

Pretty amazing stuff......would like to know if all of them found their partners.....India mein sab kuch possible hai!!

[naren_aumech]

Those were really funny, orca.... Especially those "BAD habits, Zebra and the credit cards accepted" ones.... Damn funny.......

Naren.

[naren_aumech]

Here's something more that i got in mail.... Enjoy.

Naren.

Applications.....

Any one who wants to learn how to apply for a job or

leave learn from the classic examples below. This is a

collection of leave letters and applications written

by people in various places of India. Just have a look

at the English skills of these people.

1. A candidate's application: "This has reference to

your advertisement calling for a 'typist and an

accountant - Male or Female'... As I am both for the

past several years and I can handle both, I am

applying for the post.

2. An employee applied for leave as follows: Since I

have to go to my village to sell my land along with

my wife. Please sanction me one weekleave.

3. Another employee applied for half day leave as

follows: "Since I've to go to the cremation ground

and I may not return, please grant me halfday casual

leave"

4. A friend of mine had written a leave letter to the

headmaster:

"As I am studying in this school I am suffering from

headache. I request you to leave me today"

5. A family friend of ours told an incident of his

friend's letter "I am suffering from fever, please

declare holiday to the school" .

6. Another leave letter written to the headmaster: As

my headache is paining, please grant me leave for the

day.

7. A covering note "I am enclosed herewith..."

8. Another leave letter written to Administration

dept: As my mother-in-law has expired and I am

responsible for it, please grant me 10 days leave.

9. Actual letter written for application of leave: "My

wife is suffering from sickness and as I am her only

husband at home, I may be grantedleave".

10. Letter writing: - "I am in well here and hope you

are also in thesame well."