[angel]

Here's another fwd---

Stupid Questions people usually ask in obvious situations and some equally stupid answers:

1. At the movies: When you meet acquaintances/friends...
Stupid Question: Hey, what are you doing here?
Answer: Don't u know, I sell tickets in black over here.

2. In the bus: A heavy lady wearing pointed high-heeled shoes steps on
your feet...
Stupid Question: Sorry, did that hurt?
Answer: No, not at all, I'm on local anesthesia. Why don't you try
again?

3. At a funeral: One of the teary eyed people ask...
Stupid Question: Why, why him, of all people.
Answer: Why? Would it rather have been you?

4. At a restaurant: When you ask the waiter
Stupid Question: Is the "Paneer Butter Masala" dish good?
Answer: No, it's terrible and made of adulterated cement. We
occasionally also spit on it.

5. At a family get-together: When some distant aunt meets you after
years.
Stupid Question: Munna, Chickoo, you've become so big.
Answer: Well you haven't particularly shrunk yourself.

6. When a friend announces her wedding, and you ask...
Stupid Question: Is the guy you're marrying well?
Answer: No, he's a miserable wife beating, insensitive lout...it's
just the money.

7. When you get woken up at midnight by a phone call...
Stupid Question: Sorry. Were you sleeping?
Answer: No. I was doing research on whether the Zulu tribes in Africa
marry or not.
And you thought I was sleeping.... You dumb witted moron.

8. When you see a friend/colleague with evidently shorter hair...
Stupid Question: Hey have you had a haircut?
Answer: No, its autumn and I'm shedding.

9.At the dentist when he's sticking pointed objects in your mouth...
Stupid Question: Tell me if it hurts?
Answer: No it won't. It will just bleed.

10. You are smoking a cigarette and a cute woman asks...
Stupid Question: Oh, so you smoke.
Answer: Gosh, it's a miracle ...it was a piece of chalk and now it's
in flames

[CATGoldy]

Some one liners ...

1. Where there's a will, I want to be in it.
2. I am free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.
3. The statement below is true.
The statement above is false. (*This is an exception)
4. As I said before, I never repeat myself.
5. Sometimes I need what only you can provide: your absence.
6. I wish there was a knob on the TV to turn up the intelligence. There's a knob called brightness, but it doesn't work. (*This is an exception)
7. A conscience does not prevent sin. It only prevents you from enjoying it.
8. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
9. War doesn't determine who's right, War determines who's left.
10. Doesn't expecting the unexpected make the unexpected become the expected?
11. Best way to prevent hangover is to stay drunk

keep smiling

[CATGoldy]

The Fourier post ws cool ..... reminded me of my college classes and my struggles during Prep Leave to just understand and rattofy the bare minimum so that i could attempt even a bit , in case there ws no escape

[cioccolata]

damn funny all the posts

[CATGoldy]

One more .... this is real cool


DO READ THE LAST ONE.....


"Out-Of-Office" E-Mail Auto-Reply:


1: I am currently out at a job interview and will reply to you if I fail to get
the position. Be prepared for my mood.


2: I'm not really out of the office. I'm just ignoring you.


3: You are receiving this automatic notification because I am out of the office.
If I was in, chances are you wouldn't have received anything at all.


4: Sorry to have missed you but I am at the doctors having my brain removed so
that I may be promoted to management


5: I will be unable to delete all the unread, worthless emails you send me until
I return from vacation on 4/18. Please be patient and your mail will be deleted
in the order it was received.


6: Thank you for your email. Your credit card has been charged $5.99 for the
first ten words and $1.99 for each additional word in your message.


7: The e-mail server is unable to verify your server connection and is unable to
deliver this message. Please restart your computer and try sending again.' (The
beauty of this is that when you return, you can see how many in-duh-viduals did
this over and over).


8: Thank you for your message, which has been added to a queueing system. You
are currently in 352nd place, and can expect to receive a reply in
approximately 19 weeks.


9: Please reply to this e-mail so I will know that you got this message. I am on
holiday. Your e-mail has been deleted.


10: Hi. I'm thinking about what you've just sent me. Please wait by your PC for
my response.


11: Hi! I'm busy negotiating the salary for my new job. Don't bother to leave me
any messages.


12: I've run away to join a different circus.


AND, FINALLY, THIS ONE TAKES THE CAKE :


13: I will be out of the office for the next 2 weeks for medical reasons. When I
return, please refer to me as 'Loretta' instead of 'Steve'.

[naren_aumech]

Hey Infoscians, don't get offended by this one... Just for fun
Can't stop laughing.....

Naren.

Discussion board at Infy

U got to read this one.......this is some stuff.......but start from bottom up!!!

For the uninitiated, this discussion started in Infoys bulletin board with the simple question, "what is the meaning of maithili?" )

READ FROM BOTTOM TO TOP

nobody can beat software engineers at nonsense.

Please read from bottom to top


-----Original Message-----
From: Aniljoshi
Posted At: Friday, September 03, 1999 11:39 AM Posted To: General
Subject: German's ,Jews, Aryans

We sit before the monitor staring into the pixels, making faces the
whole day like monkeys. And you claim that you are not in this monkey
business? Beats me!!

ANIL JOSHI

-----Original Message-----
From: AnandV
Posted At: Friday, September 03, 1999 11:13 AM Posted To: General
Subject: monkeys and dravidians

My theory is first step to identify software engrs.I'm more interested
in showing that software engrs are not monkeys (bcas they are not
aryans) which my house owner believes!!!

-----Original Message-----
From: DHRUVAV
Posted At: Friday, September 03, 1999 11:09 AM Posted To: General
Subject: teachers and dravidian

Your theory only proves that Software engineers are not aryans.Therefore
they can be any thing other than aryans and not only dravidians.

-----Original Message-----
From: AnandV
Posted At: Friday, September 03, 1999 11:04 AM Posted To: General
Subject: teachers and dravidian

B'cas only teachers (arya's) are aryans. So all software engr's are
dravidians.

-----Original Message-----
From: raghavendrak
Posted At: Friday, September 03, 1999 11:00 AM Posted To: General
Subject: Aryans- H aryana

Let me get it clear.Are u suggesting that all people in haryana are
monkeys?????

-----Original Message-----
From: ashokkm
Posted At: Friday, September 03, 199910:59 AM Posted To: General
Subject: Aryans- H aryana

No, Only the native of Haryana are are aryans b'coz U just remove the
'H' in Haryana so it becomes aryana.Agreed or not????

-----Original Message-----
From: raghavendrak
Posted At: Friday, September 03, 1999 10:54 AM Posted To: General
Subject: German's ,Jews, Aryans are Indians

Then even monkeys are aryans!!!!!!(I think they too have 10 fingers).
That's what ramayan says. So all vanars were also aryans!!!

-----Original Message-----
From: Aniljoshi
Posted At: Friday, September 03, 1999 10:50 AM Posted To: General
Subject: German's ,Jews, Aryans are Indians

How logical!! Now I could easily prove that even Africans are Aryans.
They have 10 fingers- so they are aryans. They have 10 toes on their
feet - so they are aryans. Thanks for proving that all are aryans.

ANIL JOSHI

-----Original Message-----
From: Kedardesai
Posted At: Friday, September 03, 1999 10:40 AM Posted To: General
Subject: Proof:German's ,Jews, Aryans are Indians

Indians invented the decimal system. Ravan(Jew) had ten heads, Ram's
father(aryan + German)had ten chariots (Dash-rath) etc.Thus , the base
is 10. There fore they are all Indians

-----Original Message-----
From: Aniljoshi
Posted At: Friday, September 03, 1999 9:58 AM Posted To: General
Subject: MAJOR FALLACY- Aryans/Germans

Germans don't play cricket. So cricketers can't be germans. QED

ANIL JOSHI

-----Original Message-----
From: Dinni Lingaraj
Posted At: Friday, September 03, 1999 9:56 AM Posted To: General
Subject: MAJOR FALLACY- Aryans/ Germans

It just occured that a better subject would have been "CRICKET"
but this &nbs nbsp; one stopped ...."Are our cricketers
Aryans/Germans ?" So we got to solve this one !

-----Original Message-----
From: Aniljoshi
Posted At: Friday, September 03, 1999 9:55 AM Posted To: General
Subject: Major fallacy/Aryans & Germans

Let the 'intellectuals' decide... you will know who you are soon enough.

ANIL JOSHI

-----Original Message-----
From: Yeshwant Dattatreya
Posted At: Friday, September 03, 19999:39 AM Posted To: General
Subject: MAJOR FALLACY- Aryans/Germans

OH BOY!! WHO ARE WE?

-----Original Message-----
From: ashokkm
posted At: Friday, September 03, 19999:37 AM Posted To: General
Subject: Major fallacy/Aryans & Germans

According to maxmuller, Aryans came from Middle East.
According to Bal Gangadhar Tilak, Antarctica was the home place of
Aryans. And Swami Dayanand Saraswati says Aryans were originally from
India b'coz the place "saptsandhav" that is described many times in
their book is nothing but Doab region between Ganga & Jamuna.
And One theory according Bhagwandas is that Aryans were originally from
India then they went to middle east and after some time they returned
back to India.So there are different theories about the origin of Aryans
but recent belief is that only India was their native-land.

-----Original Message-----
From: Aniljoshi
Posted At: Friday, September 03, 19999:37 AM Posted To: General
Subject: MAJOR FALLACY- Aryans/Germans

So, at present we are at a point where MK's son is a Russian, implying
MK is a Russian. MK is a ardent follower of Ravan who is a German Jew.
Looks like the german govt running Karnataka(see our previous
discussions for a proof of it) is conniving with the Russian govt at
Tamilnadu (who support German) to fight the Italian Govts reps at 10
Janpath road. Some heavy international politics we have going on here.
Wat's d'ya say man!!

ANIL JOSHI

-----Original Message-----
From: amajumder
Posted At: Friday, September 03, 1999 9:21 AM Posted To: General
Subject: MAJOR FALLACY- Aryans/Germans
Importance: High

Might be Russians too.. that explains why MK's son is called STALIN.

-----Original Message-----
From: raghavendrak
Posted At: Friday, September 03, 1999 9:13 AM Posted To: General
Subject: MAJOR FALLACY- Aryans/Germans

Say this to the DMK and they're gonna kick u!! according to them ravan
was a dravidian and was attacked by ram as ram was an aryan.
So if ram was a german, and assuming he was a 'hitlerite 'aryan, then
ravan must have been a jew!!!

-----Original Message-----
From: Aniljoshi
Posted At: Thursday, September 02, 1999 6:57 PM Posted To: General
Subject: MAJOR FALLACY- Aryans/Germans

No, on the contrary it proves that Ravan was a German since it was he
who owned the Pushpak Viman. The passengers could belong to any country.

ANIL JOSHI

-----Original Message-----
From: vishnoor
Posted At: Thursday, September 02, 1999 5:44 PM Posted To: General
Subject: major fallacy...

After defeating ravana .... Sri Rama flew back in Ravana's pushpak
vimana & This is what the Mordern Lufthansa is . It is the modern
version of the older pushpaka vimana.
The pushpak vimana was "driven" by hansa or swans....
The insignia of Lufthansa is also a swan...
This further proves Sri Rama was a German Hail Rama ....

----------
From: khandelwalh
Posted At: Thursday, September 02, 199912:54 PM Posted To: General
Subject: major fallacy...

the argument is wrong.
the conclusion is fallacious

-----Original Message-----
From: vishnoor
Posted At: Thursday, September 02, 1999 4:44 PM Posted To: General
Subject: Mithla

Rama was an aryan ;
Germans claim to be aryans so Rama was a German &nbs nbsp; Hail Rama....

----------
From: ashokkm
Posted At: Thursday, September 02, 199911:53 AM Posted To: General
Subject: Mithla

And what about Home minister Advani & Noble Prize winner Economics Dr.
Amartya Sen???

-----Original Message-----
From: Sudha Vedula
Posted At: Thursday, September 02, 19994:02 PM Posted To: General
Subject: Mithla & Maithili

God Shiva is also a foreigner because
Mt.Kailash is in China. Buddha was also a foreigner because
Lumbini(?) is in Nepal. So was Guru Nanak, because Talwandi is in
Pakistan. So was Porus. So was Gandhari.....

-----Original Message-----
From: Vikas Sharma
Posted At: Thursday, September 02, 1999 10:14 AM Posted To: General
Subject: Mithla & Maithili

Recently one Congress leader, in defense of Sonia, quoted that Sita was
also a foreigner because Janakpuri is in Nepal.

-----Original Message-----
From: Pranav Chandra
Posted At: Wednesday, September 01,1999 1:10 PM Posted To: General
Subject: Mithla & Maithili

Maithili is a language which derives it's name from the region in Bihar
where it is spoken, the old kingdom of Mithla. There is a reference to
the area even in Ramayana- Janak( Father of Sita) was king of Mithla and
has been referred to as MithlaNaresh at many places in RamCharitraManas
- therefore Sita was also called Maithili.

----------
From: Subhashis Roy
Posted At: 1999"N9OE?1"=FA 13:03
Posted To: General
Subject: what is Maithili ?
Importance: High

Maithili brahmins are known for their gastronome qualities !!!

-----Original Message-----
From: yogesh=5Fpm
Posted At: Wednesday, September 01,1999 12:12 PM Posted To: General
Subject: re: what is maithili

Maithili is a language spoken in central bihar. It has its own
literature.It has its root in the old kingdom of that area.It is similar
to Hindi.

-----Original Message-----
From: himanshudas
Posted At: Wednesday, September 01, 1999 9:06 AM Posted To: General
Subject: What is Maithili?

Hi!

Who or what is Maithili, in context of Indian literature?

[naren_aumech]

Here's another....Enjoy!

Naren.

CUSTOMER CARE IN 2020
Operator: "Thank you for calling Pizza Hut. May I
have your..."
Customer: "Heloo, can I order.."
Operator : "Can I have your multi purpose card number first, Sir?"
Customer: "It's eh..., hold on......6102049998-45-54610"
Operator: "OK... you're... Mr Singh and you'recalling from 17 Jalan Kayu.
Your home number is 40942366, your office 76452302 and your mobile is 0142662566.Which number are you calling from now Sir?"
Customer: "Home! How did you get all my phone numbers?"
Operator : "We are connected to the system Sir"
Customer: "May I order your Seafood Pizza..."
Operator : "That's not a good idea Sir"
Customer: "How come?"
Operator : "According to your medical records, you have high blood pressure and even higher cholesterol level Sir"
Customer: "What?... What do you recommend then?"
Operator: "Try our Low Fat Hokkien Mee Pizza. You'll like it"
Customer: "How do you know for sure?"
Operator: "You borrowed a book entitled "Popular Hokkien Dishes" from the National Library last week Sir"
Customer: "OK I give up... Give me three family size ones then, how much will that cost?"
Operator: "That should be enough for your family of 10, Sir. The total is $49.99"
Customer: "Can I pay by credit card?"
Operator: "I'm afraid you have to pay us cash,Sir.Your credit card is over the limit and you owe your bank $3,720.55 since October last year. That's not including the late payment charges on your housing loan,Sir."
Customer: "I guess I have to run to the neighbourhood ATM and withdraw some cash before your guy arrives"
Operator: "You can't Sir. Based on the records, you've reached your daily limit on machine withdrawal today"
Customer: "Never mind just send the pizzas, I'll have the cash ready. How long is it gonna take anyway?"
Operator: "About 45 minutes Sir, but if you can't wait you can always come and collect it on your motorcycle..."
Customer: "What!"
Operator: "According to the details in system ,you own a Scooter,...registration number 1123..."
Customer: "????"
Operator: "Is there anything else Sir?"
Customer: "Nothing... by the way... aren't you giving me that 3 free bottles of cola as advertised?"
Operator: "We normally would Sir, but based on your records you're
also diabetic....... "
Customer: #$$^% <mailto:#$$^%&$@$%^> &$@$%^
Operator "Better watch your language Sir. Remember on 15th July 1987
You were convicted of using abusive language on a policeman...?"
Customer: [Speechless]

[naren_aumech]

Any doctors out there... this is just for fun

Naren.

Are Engineers too Smart ?? Check this one.

7 Engineers and 7 Doctors are going from PUNE to Mumbai.

So both groups gather at Pune Station. Both groups are desperately
trying to prove their superiority.

SCENE 1 (PUNE - MUMBAI) :

7 engineers take only 1 Ticket and 7 doctors buy all 7 tickets..
Doctors are desperately waiting for TC to come...... When TC arrives,
All 7 Engineers get in one toilet. when TC knocks , one hand come
out with the ticket and the TC goes away....Doctors say "Dekh lenge"

NOW on return Journey all of them don't get a direct train to PUNE.
So they all decide to take a Passenger till Lonavala, from there
they can easily get a LOCAL to PUNE

SCENE 2 (MUMBAI - LONAVALA) :

Doctors decided, "this time we will prove that we too
are equally SHAANE"....All 7 Doctors take 1 Ticket
Engineers don't buy ticket at all!!!!!..TC arrives....
ALL DOCTORS IN ONE TOILET. ALL ENGINEERS IN THE OPPOSITE ONE..

One engineer gets out and knocks the door of Doctors toilet,
One hand comes with the tickets, he takes the ticket and comes in engg
toilet...

TC DRIVES out ALL the doctors from the toilet and they are heavily
fined.......

SCENE 3 ( LONAVALA - MUMBAI) :

SO now both the group on LONAVALA station. Doctors
planning their move for last chance.. they board the local to Pune.

This time doctors decide that they will play the same (1 ticket)
trick.
ALL Doctors take 1 tickets...Engineers BUY all 7 tickets this time...
TC Comes.. All Engineers show their tickets.....

Doctors are still searching for toilet in the LOCAL...........

(Statutory warning: Valid tickets should always accompany during
travelling
in train)

[naren_aumech]

This one's too good..... Have fun!

Naren.

For all u women out there!!
And for the men; its about time u learnt about them!!


World of romance: as seen from a man's perspective
In the world of romance, one single rule applies: Make the woman
happy. Do something she likes, and you get points. Do
something she dislikes and points are subtracted. You don't get
any points for doing something she expects. Sorry, that's the
way the game is played. Here is a guide to the point system:

SIMPLE DUTIES

You make the bed (+1)
You make the bed, but forget the decorative pillow (0)
You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets (-1)
You go out to buy her what she wants (+5) In the rain (+ But
return with Beer (-5)
You check out a suspicious noise at night (0)
You check out a suspicious noise, and it is nothing (0)
You check out a suspicious noise and it is something (+5)
You pummel it with iron rod (+10)
It's her pet (-10)

SOCIAL ENGAGEMENTS

You stay by her side the entire party (0)
You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a college buddy
(-2)
Named Tina (-4)
Tina is a dancer (-6)

HER BIRTHDAY

You take her out to dinner (0)
You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar (+1)
Okay, it's a sports bar (-2)
And it's all-you-can-eat night (-3)

It's a sports bar, it's all-you-can-eat night, and your face is
painted the colors of your favorite team (-10)


A NIGHT OUT

You take her to a movie (+2)
You take her to a movie she likes (+4)
You take her to a movie you hate (+6)
You take her to a movie you like (-2)
It's called 'DeathCop' (-3)
You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans (-15)


YOUR PHYSIQUE

You develop a noticeable potbelly (-15)
You develop a noticeable potbelly and exercise to get rid of it (+10)
You develop a noticeable potbelly and resort to baggy jeans and baggy
Hawaiian shirts (-30)
You say, "It doesn't matter, you have one too." (-8000)


ENJOY THE BIG QUESTION


She asks, "Do I look fat?" (-5) [Yes, you lose points no matter what]
You hesitate in responding (-10)
You reply, "Where?" (-35)
Any other response (-20)


COMMUNICATION

[When she wants to talk about a problem] You listen, displaying what
looks like a concerned ex-pression (0)
You listen, for over 30 minutes (+50)
You listen for more than 30 minutes without looking at the TV (+500)
She realizes this is because you have fallen asleep (-10000)
Now what chance do you have pal???

[unknowntotheworld]

Enjoy the C++ inteview

Interviewer: Mr. Singh, Can u tell me, what is inheritance.
Sanatasingjee: (Embarassed by this simple que.) When U make love to ur
wife and she baers a child, that is Inheritance.

Interviewer was a thorough professional and was not disturbed by
Sanatasingjee's reply. But he wanted to have some fun.

Interviewer: Then what is Multiple Inheritance?
Sanatasingjee: When U and ur neighbour make love with ur wife and ur
wife bears a single child, that is multiple inheritance.

Interviewer: What is Virtual Function?
Sanatasingjee: When ur neighbour makes love with ur wife and u assume
that, the child is urs.

Interviewer: What is Pure Virtual Function?
Sanatasingjee: When u r impotent and still ur wife bears a child.
This was too much for the interviewer; so he got angry and got up. but
the sardarjee was very cool. He said immediately, "no problem, just
assume that ur wife is an abstract base class and allow her to be
derived as many times as possible.