[MavericK]

There are three sides to any argument: your side, my side and the
right side.

An consultant is someone who takes a subject you understand and makes
it sound confusing.

Never argue with a fool. People might not know the difference.

When you're right, no one remembers. When you're wrong, no one
forgets.

Cheer up, the worst is yet to come.

Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone
else.

Everyone makes mistakes. The trick is to make mistakes when nobody is
looking.

They say hard work never hurts anybody, but why take the chance.

Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.

I like work. It fascinates me. I sit and look at it for hours.

If you can't see the bright side of life, polish the dull side.

Where there's a will, there are five hundred relatives.

Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.

If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.

I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain.

Do you have trouble making up your mind? Well, yes or no?

If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked
something.

Many people quit looking for work when they find a job.

When I'm not in my right mind, my left mind gets pretty crowded.

Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film.

You know the speed of light, so what's the speed of dark?

Join The Army, Visit exotic places, meet strange people, then kill
them.

I poured Spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone.

Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then
proceed to tell you why it isn't.

Before borrowing money from a friend, decide which you need more.
(Friend or Money !)

Death is hereditary.

[Night Crawler]

Some of them are old but anyway everything is welcome in the lounge.

[M A N I S H]

Beware of programmers who carry screwdrivers. - Leonard Brandwein

[itdood]

less study ... less confusion
more study ... more confusion
NO STUDY ... NO CONFUSION

[itdood]

Imagination is the quality given to the man to compensate him for what he is NOT

... and a sense of humour is provided to console him for what he IS ...

[MvB ACM No9]

"God gave man two things.....a brain and a p**is. Unfortunately, He gave Man only enough blood to manage one at a time" - Robin Williams.

"Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake whole relationships." - Sharon Stone

"Honesty is the key to a relationship. If you can fake that, you're in." - Courtney Cox

"I read somewhere that 77 per cent of all the mentally ill live in poverty. Actually, I'm more intrigued by the 23 percent who are apparently doing quite well for themselves." - Jerry Garcia

"Clinton lied. A man might forget where he parks or where he lives, but he never forgets oral sex, no matter how bad it is." - Barbara Bush - Former US First Lady

"Ah, yes, divorce..., from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet." - Robin Williams

"Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place." - Billy Crystal

"Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like and just give her a house." - Rod Stewart

"On the one hand, we'll never experience childbirth. On the other hand, we can open all our own jars." - Bruce Willis - On the difference between men and women

"And God said: 'Let there be Satan, so people don't blame everything on me. And let there be lawyers,so people don't blame everything on Satan." - George Burns

"My girlfriend always laughs during sex - no matter what she's reading." - Steve Jobs

"My cousin just died. He was only 19. He got stung by a bee - the natural enemy of a tightrope walker." - Dan Rather

"Hockey is a sport for white men. Basketball is a sport for black men. Golf is a sport for white men dressed like black pimps." - Tiger Woods

Mike

[manitonline]

A few lines to ponder about:

If we all are here to help others , then what exactly are others here for?

Code of the west: Never squat while wearing spurs.

Yesterday is a past, tomorrow is a future , today is a gift that's why it's called 'present'

Get a life or die trying!

"You know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy, the tallest guy in the NBA is Chinese, the Swiss hold the America's Cup. France is accusing the U.S. of arrogance, Germany doesn't want to go to war, and the three most powerful men in America are named 'Bush', '****', and 'Colon.' Need I say more?"

Written very small on the back poket of a girl's jeans - 'If you can read this, you're WAY too close.'

Life's a bleach and then you dye

"Character is taught at home, but not by a purple dinosaur or big yello bird." - Jacob White

"Ignore reality. There's nothing you can do about it." - Natalie Imbruglia

Children in the dark make accidents, but accidents in the dark make children.

Dancing is a vertical expression of a horizontal desire.

Do not blame others for making you mad. Anger is a choice. Choose wisely.

Don't believe that sort of rubbish, unless you hear it from me

Dont bother wasting your time on people who dont like you

Experience is what you get when you don't get what you want.

Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.

Life is a sexually transmitted disease.

Well behaved women rarely make history.

When confronted with a knock at the door, a stupid man will complain about all the noise, a normal man will answer it, a smart man will look through the peephole and the wise man won't hear it because he's having sex.

Whoever coined the phrase "Quiet as a mouse" has never stepped on one.

Mann

[M A N I S H]

2+2=5 for sufficiently large values of 2.

[muks]

In Italy for thirty years under the Borgias they had warfare, terror, murder and bloodshed but they produced Michelangelo, Leonardo da Vinci and the Renaissance. In Switzerland, they had brotherly love; they had five hundred years of democracy and peace and what did they produce? The cuckoo clock."

"In the business world an executive knows something about everything, a technician knows everything about something and the switchboard operator knows everything."

"UNIX is basically a simple operating system, but you have to be a genius to understand the simplicity."

"Ketchup left overnight on dinner plates has a longer half-life than radioactive waste."

"Biologically speaking, if something bites you it's more likely to be female."

"When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished by how much he'd learned in seven years."

"I am free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally."

"Never believe anything in politics until it has been officially denied."

When I am abroad I always make it a rule never to criticise or attack the Government of my country. I make up for lost time when I am at home.