Never Go Unprepared

Yes sir, I hear you. You know it all. You even counted the number of steps on that staircase to the interview room. But you know that funny thing called odds. It’s always a damp squib. You might want to do a bit of preparation. If you have stated, Accountancy as your best subject on your CV, you’d better be darned good at it. Learn every rule in every accounting principle, by rote. And while you’re at it, it probably ain’t a bad idea to memorize the number of pages in the Accounting Standards Book. Some interviewers ask for weakness. What a silly thing to ask, like your weakness would be of any help anyway. But you can’t argue with their logic. So turn around any weakness on its head and make it your strength. If you’re a weirdo, say you are quite innovative. If you’re a lazy goose and leave things to last minute, say you work well with short deadlines. If you have had a not so great time at grad school, tell them you believe in holistic education and were active at extra-curriculars (of-course you need to back it up). Now if you think you’re perfect, make up a not so debilitating weakness like unbridled appetite or chewing nails…

Avoid Over Zealous Dressing

‘Green is the new blue’. Nice tagline, no? Did you buy that green shirt already? Tsk, tsk, consumerism. Take my advice and save it for your best friend’s wedding. Yes, I know you bought it for this special occasion, your first interview. Classic white is out, I know. But how about sticking to other safe colors like blue or maybe gray. So what if its boring? At least you won’t look like a radioactive leprechaun. Funny ties. Haha! That’s a good attention grabber my friend. Focus, focus. . . We are here to grab that job… the pink piggies on that yellow tie may prove more an unhealthy distraction than attraction. Oh, I love that crocodile handbag of yours. Lets hide your entire disregard for the ecosystem, in the closet. You can flaunt it in that cocktail party, this weekend.

Never Underestimate Traffic Jams

The venue is only a block away and 15 minutes is all you need to get there. Have you heard of a certain someone called Mr. Murphy? No? I’ll tell you that story later. But he devised some fine laws. One of them says on the day of your interview, every single car will be neatly lined in a jam from your gate till the venue and every signal will chose to turn red the moment you turn the key in the ignition. So leave home one hour in advance. Okay ,so now you have reached too early. What are books for, silly?

Do Not Fake Accent

Does your guy love the way you roll your ‘R’s? Have people told you how close you come to sounding Oxford educated? Good for you, mate. But its hard to keep that up all the time, no? See, now that’s the thing with fake accents. They have a habit of coming undone in the most inappropriate of moments. And chances are, it will happen at the interview too. Take my word, the interviewer WILL NOT be impressed. So let your natural accent do the talking this time, eh?

Do Not Invoke Skeletons in the Closet

Everyone has them. I have a closet bursting at its hinges and a new one on its way. No need to be ashamed. But an interview is not the place to unleash them. If you got sacked from your last job, this is not the best place to tell them your sob story. NO, I did NOT ask you to lie about it. All I am saying is, don’t go about telling them what a @$*# %*@ your old boss was or bad mouth your colleagues. Chances are they just might call him up to confirm your little story. So be honest. But leave out the details. In this one exceptional case, the devil is in the details.

Never Lose Your Cool

Surely you have heard of ‘stress interviews’. The ultimate aim of every soul in that room will be to make you scream and run for life, tearing out your hair. So never lose that thing called cool. It’s a slick one, Mr. Cool. Once he’s gone, you might chew those manicured nails, twiddle your fingers or tear at that loose thread on your skirt (imagine all of it coming undone. Very Grim, yes). So pick up that Mr. Cool from under the table and be the pro that you are… By the way, no matter what you do, do not gnash teeth. You might never get it in shape for the next interview, should you lose out on this one.

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Do Not Imitate TV Ads

Advertisements these days have the zaniest of scenarios. When asked about hobbies do not say, crocodile hunting, river rafting … you get my drift. No, there’s no one to slap you, like that car ad, I admit. But if your boss invites you to go sky diving with him after you land the job, you might very well get trapped. If asked where you see yourself five years from now, do not delude yourself into thinking that pretty secretary will be sitting by your side and you’ll be doing the interviewing then on. Shucks, such things happen only in Bacardi ads. And no, that Nokia phone will not land you the job, as promised. But surely you already knew that. All advertisements must come with statutory warnings about such stunts, no?

Do Not Forget ‘Silent Mode’ on Cell phones
In the highly unlikely circumstances, that you are technology-impaired, please familiarise yourself with your cell phone’s silent mode… It’s no rocket science, really. If you still can’t find it, swallow your pride and bile and ask your friend. Imagine a scenario where your interviewer is asking you about your long term goals and your mobile phone plays “Dhoom”. Not a good scene. Be fair. Imagine if you were right in the middle of telling them why they should give you the job and the interviewer’s phone rings. Makes you forget your practiced lines, no? Don’t feel bad, once you have the job you can flash that mp3 enabled-polyphonic gadget in everyone’s face.

Do Not Over-Accessorise

Oh, so you have an eyebrow piercing. Very nice. Did you say a tongue piercing too? I love how your nose ring matches your lip stud. But you wouldn’t want to flash them at an interview. Oh yes, its all very well to say, “Man! That’s so retro-like” But you know what, the odds are that man on the panel has just finished rowing with his teenage son over that new piercing. Or worse, one of ‘em panellists had a piercing himself that he had to take off for his interview. Either way, the situation looks not-so-rosy. When you talk, you want them to hear you, not look fancifully at that stud flitting in and out of your mouth. So the next rule: No piercings. Yes ladies, you can wear one pair of earrings

Do Not Be Stupid.

I know that’s like a, do-not-forget-to-wear-your-pants instruction. Painfully redundant. But just so you don’t forget.
· Never take your ipod to the interview room
· Don’t smoke before interview. The tobacco smell is stronger than you think.
· Do not chew gum. You’d look like a ruminating cow.
· Do not ask too many questions. Remember who is the interviewee? That’s right, YOU!
· Do not keep glancing at watch. Even if it is a Swatch Skin, its not legitimate reason enough. They’d think there’s some other place, you’d rather be.
· Do not ogle at the interviewer’s secretary. When you are boss, you can get your own.
· You and the interviewer are NOT on first-name-basis.
· Do not sing or dance to demonstrate talent.
· Do not demand to know the interviewer’s salary.

I think you’ll be okay now. And yes, a little application of common-sense would go a long way in getting that coveted job/admit. Good luck!